“It Takes a Leader”
When one thinks of a leader, names like Barrack Obama or Michael Jordan come to mind. Today I want to analyze a different type of leader. For society to function and be successful it needs great leaders, and I am not talking about politicians. Society is comprised of individuals, who are the key component of the whole. Individuals are raised largely by women. There is a saying that “it takes a village” to accomplish a big goal, yet when raising kids, it takes a leader whom makes all the difference in the world; a mom. I am in no way discrediting dads but want to focus on the mom’s role as a leader in a child’s life. I am a mother of two beautiful daughters; Ivanna and Vivianne. They have taught me to be the best version of myself and in return I get to “lead” them through life, ensuring, to the best of my abilities, their happiness and well-being. There are various traits that I personally utilize to educate my girls but have decided to focus on three: Skill approach, behavioral approach and situational approach. I have learned to lead with love, patience and commitment. Why? “The greatest contribution to the universe may not be something you do, but someone you raise”. (Unkonwn).
The Skills approach “takes a leader-centered perspective on leadership” (Northouse, 2016, pg.45). Its emphasis is on skills and abilities that can be learned” (Northouse, 2016, pg.45). I have always considered myself to have a good set of skills, until I had children. I understood that I needed to learn new soft skills in order to be successful; particularly patience and effective communication. My 4-year-old daughter has taught me relationship, or human, skills. I learned the most effective way to communicate with her, is not by telling her what she should do; but by taking the time to explain a situation and the possible outcomes of her decision. For example, recently, I let her choose between apologizing to her dad, or to continue the bad behavior; each with its own consequences. She chose to apologize, and I rewarded her for her good decision making. “Leaders with human skills adapt their own ideas to those of others. Furthermore, they create an atmosphere of trust where employees can feel comfortable and secure” (Northouse, 2016, pg.50). My main goal is for my daughters to trust me; in every sense of the word. I want them to be happy in their home, and to share their ideas or questions, pertaining their feelings and thoughts, with me. According to Mumford, Zaccaro, Harding, et al. (2000), problem-solving skills are a leader’s creative ability to solve new and unusual, ill-defined organizational problems” (Northouse, 2016, pg.51); which has become my specialty. I am constantly solving problems at home. Today my daughter was having a tantrum because she wanted a baby of her own, to which I had to analyze the situation, understand where it was coming from and act accordingly. I decided to give her a doll and teach her to care for it; promising to let her hold her baby sister afterwards. Mumford, Zaccaro, Harding et al. (2000) stated that “that leadership outcomes are the direct result of a leader’s competencies in problem-solving skills, social judgment skills, and knowledge, when it came to skill approach” (Northouse, 2016, pg.56).
The behavioral approach focuses exclusively on what leaders do and how they act” (Northouse, 2016, pg.72). I am an emphatic believer that a child learns most through imitation. I still have vivid memories of my mom being a hard-working, giving, and loving mother, to which I try to include in my life, to this day. “Leadership is composed of two general kinds of behaviors: task behaviors and relationship behaviors. Task behaviors facilitate goal accomplishment: They help group members to achieve their objectives” (Northouse, 2016, pg.76). In my case, the objectives and standards I have set for my daughters are kindness, love, values and respect. The world has changed a lot in terms of what is acceptable in society; some for the better, while other for the worst. I try to motivate my girls to be kind and respectful not only in their words, but their actions. “Relationship behaviors help followers feel comfortable with themselves, with each other, and with the situation in which they find themselves” (Northouse, 2016, pg.78). I am proud to say my husband and I have given our daughters a happy environment where they feel secure and valued. Within behavioral approach leadership, the term maternalism refers to a leader who uses both team management style and authority compliance style to lead; make most of the key decisions, and reward loyalty and obedience while punishing noncompliance” (Northouse, 2016, pg.81). This term resonates strongly with our way of leading in our home.
“The premise of situational approach theory is that different situations demand different kinds of leadership” (Northouse, 2016, pg.90). This approach can be seen in practice with mothers of two or more children. No two kids are alike, meaning they both respond differently to educational tools and situations. Ivanna is a sweet girl who loves to discuss right and wrong, feelings, and is very empathic towards others. Vivianne, on the other hand, is an energetic, loud, and is very strong-willed. I have opted to react differently, depending on the child and situation, in order to attain positive results. Directive, giving directions and supporting, being emotionally available, behaviors are part of this approach and can be used to guide an individual in the right direction. I have learned not only to adapt to different personalities and situations, but different reactions based on a repeated successful implementation. It is an ever-changing, beautiful process.
An individual, especially at an early age, is susceptible and needs a great leader to guide them through the journey called life. A mom is a very important figure in a child’s life; especially when it comes to education and leadership. We represent various elements in our children’s life: we nurture, feed, love, educate, and protect our children. It takes a village; or a leader, in this case. I focused in 3 different approaches to leadership, being skill, behavior and situational. The skill approach was reflected through learning and utilizing skills to guide my daughters. The behavioral approach is my most effective tool, since my daughters are very keen in analyzing my actions, which I have seen them replicate and most importantly, understand. Last but not least, the situational approach is an advantageous tool, since I have understood the different personalities of each of my daughters and acted accordingly. A mother’s responsibility in this world is to raise happy, successful children; and the most extraordinary journey and life mission.
References
Northouse, P. (2016). Leadership: Theory And Practice (7th ed.). Los Angeles, CA: Sage.
eas6066 says
Kristen,
Great job! I think you bring up a really important point regarding leadership; that leaders are more than the people that generally come to mind when you think of the word. Almost everybody in the world, if not everybody, has been a leader of some kind over the course of their lives. Mothers are definitely one of the under appreciated leaders! They face a situation unlike any other. There is no textbook/one size fits all way to parent. It depends on the traits of the child, the traits of the parent, the situation they find themselves in, etc. Because of that, a mother has to be a flexible leader who is able to adapt to many different situations. The situational approach to leadership exemplifies that fact due to its acknowledgement that, “different situations demand different kinds of leadership” (Northouse, 2016, p. 93). Throughout the course of a child’s life, a mother will run into an almost limitless number of new situations. They have to be able to adapt their approach to the situation and help the child learn to navigate new situations just as the parent is. I think your points about situational leadership make perfect sense.
I also related to you idea about imitation. I had a mentor in my professional life that was very influential to me. She is not my mother, however, watching her behaviors has helped shape the person I am today. I was thinking about this yesterday after a long day at work. I am so grateful that I had the mentor that I did. She is the hardest working person I have ever met. Working with her when I was younger, I watched her work as hard as she did and just assumed that that was how to behave in the work place. I tried to work as hard as she did and that has been a trait that has helped me in every job I have had since.
The parental figures in our lives can have a huge influence over us. Because of this, that makes being a parent or mentor a large responsibility. Utilizing good leadership approaches, as you outlined in your post, make sense as the best way that a mother could set her children up for success.
References:
Northouse, P. G. (2016). Leadership; Theory and Practice. Sage Publications.
Christopher Pristan Melchor says
Kristen,
Thank you for sharing. A mom’s job is tough, I couldn’t agree more. I loved how you painted a picture for every leadership approach, I especially enjoyed the behavior approach. Children do learn a lot through imitation and I have observed this as well with my children. My son mimics my wife in many ways that she herself has displayed on several occasions. These include things like attitudes in specific scenarios and even resiliency approach when faced with an obstacle. It is so intriguing but, with knowledge of this holds power. Because now we know we really are leading by example and the importance of that.
In addition to the three approaches you provided, I would like to add the power and influence approach. As parents, I believe we all know we hold some power over our children (most of us at least). And too often than not I see this power being exerted on children time and time again but I believe it is more important to influence our children. I have often seen parents threaten children repeated with spankings for committing the same offense with no affect. I think if we take the time to influence our children on the importance of these matters than the affects will be more beneficial. I always look at parenting almost the same as how I would lead a team. Don’t just tell your kids not to throw balls in the house, explain to them why it’s important not to throw balls in the house. I believe Hughes said it best in our text, “Being able to use influence tactics that modify followers’ attitudes and behaviors in the desired direction at the same time they build up followers’ self-esteem and self-confidence should be a skill all leaders strive to master” (Hughes et al., 1993, p.128).
Reference
Hughes, Richard, et al. Power and Influence. Leadership: Enhancing the Lessons of Experience. Homewood, IL Irwin. 1993. Ch.5. pp. 107-131.