In my last post I discussed the influence of recurrent and prolonged exposure to death and grief as a function of profession, specifically from the paradigm of funeral workers. It is important to remember that mortality salience, worldview defense and compassion fatigue can impact professionals in a variety of career fields such as the medical professions, particularly those that treat conditions with poor prognoses, emergency service personnel and employees of mental health fields. The underlying connection between these fields is their unique familiarity with reminders of death and grief that afford a certain amount of watchfulness to recognize the potential emotional and behavioral impact potential of such an intimacy with death. There is another side to this intersection of death and grief from the perspective of the employer-employee relationship. Grief, in the aftermath of a personal loss is an incredibly common occurrence, affecting millions of workers each year. Exclusive of professions that have a unique relationship with death, there is little preparation to train workers and managers, leaders and followers, in addressing death, terminal illness and other existential crises. Of the people grieving losses of varying personal impacts, many of them are part of the workforce and their grief, from a social perspective, will impact their interactions and performance at work, yet there are few mentions of this phenomenon in bereavement theories or in practical application, such as management training.
Grief is the natural human response to loss. It can occur following many types of traumatic experiences, but it is most often associated with death. Grief is the time period following the loss-event that is used to adjust to the way life has changed in response to the loss. Grief has different customs and patterns between cultures, but despite variations in presentation, it is essentially a universal human response. Grief was first explored by Freud (1957) who framed grief as a process, referred to as “hypercathexis”, which began by withdrawing energy from social encounters, instead turning that energy on to the loss and onto the memories of their lost loved one (pp. 237-240). Eventually, the energy is again redirected to social relationships, or “decath”; completing the grieving process (Berzoff, 2011). Directly related to Freud’s psychoanalytic perspective of grief, is the way the topic is approached by the Object Relations Theory which places relationships as central components to the primary sources for explaining the motivations of human behavior (Sturgeon, 2005). From this perspective, comes the idea of the grief narrative, which is the idea that when we are experiencing grief we tell and retell the story of our loss in an attempt to form a new relationship the deceased (Berzoff, 2011). Attachment theory accounts for grief as a function of the dissolution of the attachment bonds (Bowlby, 1980). This permanent severing of an attachment bond causes anxiety and fear, followed by yearning and mournful expression of sorrow, then despair and grief before the eventual release of the lost bond and renewed hope for life (Siegler, 2011). Finally, from a physiological perspective, grief is seen a complex set of reactions that occur in our bodies in the aftermath of loss that may explain the physical symptoms that are experienced frequently as a symptom of grief due to the presence of a specific type of protein that is associated with stress , called “pro-inflammatory cytokines” (O’Connor, Irwin, & Wellisch, 2009). Grief may result in a highly emotional state where intense feelings of anger, sadness, anxiety and irritability are constantly lingering below the surface. These symptoms may physical, mental and emotional and may include a physical sensation of exhaustion, chronic fatigue, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, decreased problem solving ability, and problems with memory. You can follow this link to explore more symptoms of grief.
The whole time period I am going to relate seems like a bad dream. The details are blurry in my mind, but at the same time, I can feel the pain of my loss scratching at every memory. I was very focused on honing my restorative art skills in the embalming room when I found out that I was expecting my second child. I was disappointed that I would not be able to continue my effort due to the dangers of chemical exposure to my unborn child, but I was also very excited! I made the change back to “front of house” duties and things seemed to be going well. Then, my daughter was born at 28 weeks gestation. She lived for a few short hours and then she was picked up from the hospital by a colleague. The next day I went to work to prepare her body for burial. We arranged to have my grandmother’s grave opened so my child could be interred there with her. Over the next several weeks, I tried to “get back to normal,” but I found the task impossible. I ended up taking a leave of absence and embracing a pattern of self-destruction. I returned to tending bar to pay my bills and I withdrew from my friends and family. The isolation that I felt was so profound. I was spiraling further and faster toward ruin. The distance I built coupled with the social stigma that surrounds death, especially the death of a child, made me unapproachable by my social support system. No one wanted to “bother” me, but I needed someone to bother me and drag me out of the tomb I had built myself. I have wondered so many times over the years why it was so easy for me to give up and why it was so hard for anyone to step in. I have had many theories that have defined me as the exception, but I was not an exception.
As Western cultures continue to homogenize and secularize, the social support structures that were once accustomed to comforting the grief-stricken are changing. When my grandmother was young, her father died. As was customary within the context of her cultural identity, her and her mother and sisters donned the black garments of mourning for the traditional period of a year and a day. A black wreath adorned the entranceway of their home, signaling the loss to the community. These customs, once a unifying force within groups of people that served as the foundation of individual identities. Considering the loss of these traditional cultural identities and the increased connection between success and money, people have turned to their professions as the main way of defining themselves (Bauer, 2011). Not only do we tend to identify with our roles as professionals, but we are also prone to actually shaping ourselves to complement the archetypal traits associated with a vocation or an organization (Petriglieri & Stein, 2012). This commitment is, in reality, an attachment bond and the tendency will be to depend on this relationship for a variety of needs (Riketta & Van Dick, 2005).
Although there may be a very real need for emotional support in the workplace following a loss, there are some important considerations to address. In the workplace, there is a prevailing notion that there should be a strict divide between a person’s private and professional identities (Lobb, Monterosso, Halkett, Davies, & Kristjanson, 2010). Grief within the working environment is disenfranchised by nature, as the emotional detachment that is customary is the workplace minimizes supportive experiences. There are many reasons why this may occur including a persistent human need to avoid death, a conflict between the goals of a profit-driven industry and the perceived conflict with attending to the needs of a grieving employee, and also individual factors surrounding certain types of deaths that have the added burden of being socially stigmatized (Hazen, 2003). Sometimes, colleagues and supervisors don’t know what to say and they say things that are insensitive or they avoid a grieving coworker entirely. This type of marginalizing behavior is a predictor for delayed grieving and complicated grief. When grief symptoms persist until they become a hindrance to daily life, it is said to be complicated grief or a pathological variety of bereavement that involves prolonged grieving and increased severity of symptoms (Lobb, Monterosso, Halkett, Davies, & Kristjanson, 2010). Organizational leaders who lack the ability to see to the emotional needs of bereaved employees and foster supportive workplaces directly impact the long term effects of grief. In the workplace, the potential for grief to develop into complicated grief should not be taken lightly as it increases the risk of undesirable work behaviors including substance abuse issues and absenteeism (Hazen, 2003).
Organizational oversight of the emotional needs of its workers decreases the overall ability of the company. Grief can be transformative, starting in the pain of loss, but leaving behind a person who is changed. Attending to employee’s emotional needs is mutually beneficial, mitigating risk of complicated grief and disharmonious consequences to the working environment. Also, by reinforcing the bonds of attachment with the organization, provides the added utility of increasing the commitment felt and expressed by the employee (Riketta & Van Dick, 2005). Obviously not every loss is going to forge a leader or impart some great wisdom, but it is not only a period of meaningless suffering. For me, having experienced grief and loss in the context of my professional identity, I can’t say that my grief was made worse by my perception of inadequate support, but I do know that I needed people to acknowledge my loss and the way that it had started to consume me. I needed someone to pull me back from the edge because I didn’t know what I was doing. I had no models of what trying to go back to work following a devastating loss was supposed to look like and I didn’t know I was in troubled waters until it was too late to change the course of my sorrow.
Almost eight years went by before I really faced my grief. During those years between loss and healing, I experienced a sort of numbness. Then, I found out that I was pregnant again and the old feelings of emptiness and shame and devastation came rushing back, with a renewed fury. I spent some time focusing on my grief, I reached out for help and I started to really go through it all and I found myself rearranged; renewed in the process. Maybe the changes I made in my life were just the natural path I was on, but maybe my complicated grief was the catalyst.
– Annemargaret M.
References
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