Tori Civically Engaged

Miniskirt Conversations

“A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.” – Celeste Headlee’s Sister

Celest Headlee shared this quote on a slide during her Ted Talk entitled, “10 ways to have a better conversation.” As a radio host and writer, Headlee has gained experience talking with everyone from truck drivers to diplomats and has discovered 10 ways she would advise people in in order to have better and more meaningful conversations.

The main theme of her talk is just that, and it is based around the fact that we have been said to be living in the most divided society ever. Essentially there is more to debate and argue about in our society than ever has been noticeable before and everyone has someone they avoid or simply don’t get along with that they run from talking to. This is clearly destructive to the relationships within our society and united interests, so Headlee shares how each of us can work to have better conversations to truly listen to one another, without conflict.

One specific point she made was this, “There is no reason to show that you are paying attention if you are in fact, paying attention.” So many of us are taught that we should nod along and repeat things to show our attention to the speaker, but Headlee intelligently points out that none of this is necessary when we are truly engaged in a conversation and working to positively converse. As such we should listen, truly listen, more than we talk and we should actually work to develop our conversational skills, it is a 21^st century skill that we are in desperate need of in every level of our society

Her 10 points were as follows:

1. Don’t multitask – be present in conversations.
2. Don’t Pontificate – be willing to grow and enter the conversation assuming that you have something to learn.
   1. “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t” – Bill Nye
3. Use open ended questions – make them think about their response rather than giving it to them.
4. Go with the flow – let out what you’re thinking, don’t hold it in and focus on remembering it.
5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know!
6. Don’t equate their situation with yours – it’s never actually the same.
7. Try not to repeat yourself, it’s a good habit.
8. Stay out of the weeds – tons of details don’t matter, they care about you, not all the facts.
9. LISTEN – The most important point, although we’d rather talk.
   1. We think twice as fast as we talk and that causes conversation issues.
10. Be brief – the miniskirt quote does apply.

 

All these points challenged my own thoughts about how I handle conversations. I am a firm believer of showing the person you are listening to them with a head nod and engaged smile, but I was convicted by Headlee’s point that if I am truly engaged, I don’t need to show it.

Further, the way Headlee navigated her talk reflected her experience as she truly delivered her speech and engaged her audience. She was not simply doing a presentation and sharing points but rather she embodied the message she was sharing and seemed to enjoy doing it. Her strong personality was clearly reflected in how she talked, and it was clear that the speech was rehearsed and fit with her style of real-life speech, so she was natural as she shared her points. It felt more like a conversation! Using her hands and body motions she showed that she was interested and involved in her talk and pulled the audience into her persona. She employed humor consistently and genuinely won laughs and applause. All of these small aspects of her speech made her delivery so strong and seemingly natural as she hid her nerves, took her own advice, and entered into a conversation with her audience.

Watch her full Tedtalk here

15. November 2018 by vyl5031
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