Last week, I got a haircut.

While that statement alone isn’t much, there’s a lot more behind it.

I’ve had long hair almost my entire life- since I’ve gotten a say over my haircuts. I thought my long hair made me pretty. I thought my hair was my best feature, so I’ve only ever trimmed off the dead ends. I realized that I’ve been hiding behind it, and I was starting to get tired of it.

During a quarter life crisis, because it really hit me that I’m 19 and this is my last year of being a teenager, on top of a people I’ve grown up with getting engaged, I decided to make an appointment to get my haircut.

I have grown a lot as a person and I wanted the outside to reflect the inside.

I told my mom that I was getting a haircut, but it would only be a trim. She was shocked when I texted her from the chair that I had six inches chopped off. I was shocked when I went through it.

What’s funny is that I had the same pit in my stomach before I agreed to the chop that I’ve had before all great things in life- my first rollercoaster, zip lining across Niagara Falls, and accepting my offer to Penn State. I’ve learned to not be scared of that pit of stress because it means I’m moving on to greater, more exciting things.

This wasn’t about getting rid of dead ends, although that was necessary too. This was about me getting rid of anything that doesn’t serve have purpose in my life. This was about me putting my foot down and saying I know who I am and I know what I want. I’ve held on to a lot of things longer than I should- friendships, my personal schema, and the chocolate bar my roommate gave me when we moved in that I only finished last week. I need to get better about letting go, and my hair was definitely a good start. Personal schema is coming next because my overachieving, straight A high school attitude isn’t holding up well here. I’m learning to be okay with changing, but it’s definitely easier to change on the inside when there’s a physical change on the outside.

It’s interesting to see how different I look now. I look older, for sure. I  think I look happier. I feel like my inside is more reflected on the outside, if that makes any sense whatsoever. My hair has decided it wants to be naturally wavy now that it’s shorter, so I need to start figuring out how to tame that since I’m used to almost completely straight hair. It’s a really fun time.

It’s always struck me as funny how one little action can lead to a huge change. I saw an old friend get proposed to, and that’s what caused my crisis because what am I doing with my life? The answer is spontaneous haircuts, and for now, I’m content with that.