“What Lips My Lips Have Kissed, and Where, and Why (Sonnet XLILL)”
Edna St. Vincent Millay’s “What Lips My Lips Have Kissed, and Where, and Why (Sonnet XLIII)” captures the poetic speaker’s despair and discontent with the state of her unfulfilling love life that has left them with no tangible outcomes but instead with haunting memories of happiness from a series of failed, trivial affairs.
The poem follows the Petrarchan, or Italian, sonnet format in which the first eight lines follow an ABBAABBA pattern (unrelated to iconic pop group, ABBA). The speaker utilizes the structure of the sonnet when incorporating a mood shift, at the ninth line where a CDECDE pattern is used for the remainder of the poem. Following this shift, the speaker starts reflect upon their current romantic situation. The poetic speaker admits that ”what lips [their] lips have kissed, and where, and why, [they] have forgotten […]”, indicating that the men, themselves, have not been emotionally significant enough to ensure a secure place in the speaker’s memories.
Furthermore, the speaker confesses that “[…] in [their] heart there stirs a great pain for unremembered lads that not again will turn to [them] at midnight with a cry”, although lamenting distress in regards to their former lovers, the speaker acknowledges that the love affairs were all with “unremembered lads”, citing their lack of substance and inability to satiate the speaker’s romantic longing. However, the speaker declares that “[they] cannot say what loves have come and gone, [they] only know that summer sang in [them] a little while, that in [them] it sings no more.”
Despite the lack of significance in each respective romantic partner, the speaker alludes to summer, full of light and warmth, which used to radiate within them. It is evident that the speaker is despondent regarding their romantic future, metaphorically harboring the bleak, bitterness of winter within them, in comparison to the summer that once sang within their soul. The speaker’s experience is universal, as affection and companionship are essential to all human beings. However, the speaker acknowledges that although her past loves, themselves, are ultimately ordinary and forgettable, the lost feelings and memories are substantial enough to leave one remembering the metaphorical sunshine and light from unrecognizable man to escape the rain of being alone with oneself.
St. Vincent Millay published “What Lips My Lips Have Kissed, and Where, and Why (Sonnet XLIII)” in 1920, but without the nuances of an era bygone, her poem’s message remains relevant in today’s world. Although young millennials are often to have brought about the emergence of hook up culture in the early 2000s, St. Vincent Millay’s words prove that they are not the first to forget what lips their lips have kissed. Young people have always sought excitement and whimsical adventures, and while a string of casual affairs have brought great pleasure to the speaker – and their likeminded modern counterparts – maintaining a healthy relationship with the concept of casual relationships proves to be damaging for the soft -hearted speaker.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with casual, romantic relationships. Each individual must do what is right for them, but it is clear that the poetic speaker is not doing what is right for them. For some, it is easier to detach themselves enough, in relationships, to enjoy a flighty affair and graciously accept its end as it draws near – appreciating the good times and wishing their partner well. These are the types of people who are capable of living post-“relationship” (because it was never really official), without reliving the memories. Others, should not engage in these types of “relationships”. Similarly to the speaker, these individuals find themselves in a state of oppressive melancholy, replaying the same moments that brought them endless warmth and sunshine in the moment but now, instead, cause them pain because these are just memories and their former partner is inaccessible.
Ultimately, St. Vincent Millay’s “What Lips My Lips Have Kissed, and Where, and Why (Sonnet XLIII)” stresses a few of life’s greatest quests for every individual, being that one should always stay true to what they know is right for oneself and to trust one’s own intuition.
I can’t relate to your passion for poetry, but my old English teacher spent enough time on the poetry unit to make me recognize a good analysis, a I think this qualifies.
This could be completely off-base, but consider this thought I had: The synecdoche in the first line of the poem emphasizes the author’s detachment from her romantic activities. It wasn’t her kissing, merely her lips. She wasn’t kissing a man, merely his lips. The absence of the body reflects the absence of emotional connection. To use another synechdoche (or maybe a metonomy, that always confused me), her heart wasn’t in it.
That’s another point of view that I had also considered taking! That’s incredibly insightful and thank you for your kind words!
I agree with your analysis. The poet does not show grief to me – or loss – merely detachment – as you said — lips detached from body. Thank you for your comment. I also find a bit of moralizing in this essay, ” Others, should not engage in these types of “relationships”. Who is telling us to should – or should not?