Author of the infamously dark, “The Whetting Stone”, in which Taylor Mali tells of his first wife who committed suicide by jumping from their Manhattan apartment window. It was the first day of school and Rebecca was a school teacher.
The title of the poem “Things We Both Know That I Still Have To Tell You”, is directed towards Rebecca. It is a common trope in television shows, movies, and even in real life that one will have to reassure their significant other that they are not the grotesque monster that their insecurities and anxieties have convinced them that they are, against their better judgment.
The reader gets insight into Rebecca, as the poetic speaker confronts Rebecca and reassures her that she is the antithesis of how she perceives herself. The speaker establishes Rebecca’s identity by a series of “nots”, erasing all that has plagued her for so long, as if to bring her to a clean slate, without any of her previous misconceptions of herself. The structure of the poem is made up of concise sentences, exempt from flowery language – making its purpose evident. It is evident to readers that Rebecca’s self-esteem is wholly vacant. Her insecurities appear to be skin deep, as the speaker reiterates that she is “certainly not fat”. But escalate to be deeply rooted, emotionally, as the speaker states that she is ” […] not unlovable, unloved, or unloving.” It is evident to readers that Rebecca suffered from a multitude of issues related to self-worth, and that the speaker must remind her that ” Even after everything, [they] love [her] still”; because their love for her is the bandage to remedy the hurt that is pouring from inside of her and residing on the surface.
Furthermore, Rebecca’s insecurities lie not only within herself but with others’ perceptions of her. Initially, the speaker feels that Rebecca knows that no one looks down upon her, that “no one thinks of [her] as a failure, lost soul, or hopeless case […]”. But in contrast, the speaker does not want her to believe that she is put on a pedestal by others. The poetic speaker hopes to bring solace by telling Rebecca that “they are not jealous of you, or afraid, or even at this moment probably even thinking of you”; there is an intention to bring relief to her that she is living entirely in the existence that she has been living by herself – not existing only as a frame of reference in others’ thoughts.
Once again, the speaker tells Rebecca that “You are none of the things you think you are”; this, of course, is another reassurance that she is the antithesis of how she sees herself, but this is positive, of course. However, readers may feel perturbed when they continue the last sentence that states “Or even alive.” In Rebecca’s case, she is, unfortunately, no longer living. However, in the case of a broader audience, this may be interpreted differently.
I have interpreted this poem in the context of Rebecca and the speaker, being Mali. This is a preference of mine, as this is a highly sensitive and personal poem to Mali; as is the entirety of “The Whetting Stone”. I believe that using the context of their relationship heightens the emotions of the poem, and as a result always for readers to connect more with what is being said. Readers can find themselves in Rebecca, and thus, accept comfort and acceptance from Mali – whether it be skin deep, or to the core of their beings. Every person has their own insecurities that misshape and distort their persepctive of themself; soemtimes all it takes is a beloved friend, partner, or family member to hold up a metaphorical mirror to see oneself clearly.