Stuffed animals can be a symbol of love, a remembrance, or simply, just a toy. I remember the first stuffed animal I was ever given. When I was six-years-old, my mother gave me a stuffed bunny she had from her childhood that was almost the size of me. With old food stains and a missing button eye, the bunny had become my favorite new toy. At that moment in time, I was overcome with the excitement of a new pal to play with. But, what I didn’t realize was that I would be holding the last gift my mother had ever given me.
My mother and I were very close, but my lack of awareness had kept me from understanding the demons that corrupted her. All I saw was a parent who wanted the best for her daughter, a parent who picked me up after I fell and scraped my knees on the playground, and the parent who would volunteer to come on all my class field trips. But, what I didn’t see was how my mother was a struggling alcoholic who battled with severe depression. It wasn’t until she lost that battle that I began to understand, my mother wasn’t perfect.
The night after I received the stuffed bunny, my mother, sister, and I were all cooking dinner together. Mac and cheese with chicken nuggets, my favorite. As my sister sat in the dining room with her coloring book, I danced in the kitchen with my mom and the bunny to Kelly Clarkson’s top hits. We began to spin around on the blue and white tiled floor, when suddenly, my mom embraced me into a swaying hug that brought us both falling to the floor. In a split second she began to uncontrollably sob the words “I am so sorry.” My sister rushed into the kitchen, and called the police for an ambulance. As my sister paced on the phone, and my mother lie crying on the ground, I did the thing that my six-year-old mind thought would help, and I placed the old stuffed bunny below my mother’s head for support. As the paramedics arrived and carried her out of our house on a gernie, I placed the bunny in her hands, and I stood on the porch as my mother and favorite toy were wheeled off to the hospital.
A week later, my mother had taken her own life, leaving my sister and I behind. I didn’t understand that I would never see my mother again, and even more so, I didn’t accept the fact that I would be motherless for my entire life. Each night I would sleep with my stuffed bunny, holding it close in hopes that it would somehow bring my mom back. And to this day, I still do.
This summer as I packed my car to go to my first year of college, I stuffed the old bunny into a bin, to which my dad asked, “Aren’t you a little old for a stuffed animal?” Yet, this I believe, you are never too old to have a stuffed animal; because that stuffed animal keeps my mother alive. With the faded scent of lavender, I can remember how my mom smelled when she would give me a hug goodnight. With a missing button eye, I can imagine how my mother used to play with the bunny when she was a kid. And with the dirt stains from the night of the hospital, I can remember my mother wasn’t a perfect person, but she worked hard everyday to be the perfect mother.
1.Identify the conflict of this piece. If you think the conflict needs work, offer suggestions.
You are never too old to have a stuffed animal, because with it, comes all of the memories
2. Comment on the arrangement of the piece. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Think about the beginning, middle, and ending. Comment on how they could be strengthened.
I like the arrangement, the beginning is the introduction to the stuffed animal, the middle, everything you went through with your mom, and the end ties it back to the animal and getting to remember.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I think the relationship with your mom is very clear, I was wondering while reading though, how old your sister was. Maybe it’s not super relevant to the story, but it was something I was thinking about while reading.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.
It matches the story, the words sound a little clunky to me when I read the “Yet, this I believe…”
5. Suggest ways that the piece could engage the senses more.
I think the part when your mom falls to the floor, while the paragraph is already very vivid, I do think it’s a little confusing as to what happened and why she was all of a sudden on the floor. Maybe that’s because you were little and maybe didn’t understand all that was going on completely either so maybe that’s the effect you want, but I do think it was a little confusing and could use more detail if you want it to be super clear.
6. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
When you say you still sleep with the bunny, you could add because it holds the memories. But you could also keep it like you did to save that for the end.
1. The conflict is self-explanatory, and I feel that it was delivered with the utmost skill. The portrayal of yourself as a child, explaining that you thought putting the bunny under her head would help, establishes a sense of innocence and a lack of understanding that makes the reader’s connection to your past self that much more profound.
2. The piece flows very well, and the sensory imagery is effective. Any reorganization, in my opinion, would be a detriment.
3. Your characterization of yourself as a child is very effective, although perhaps you could use a bit more innocent and childlike descriptions in the early paragraphs. The details were surprisingly well-oriented to the audience throughout, creating in the reader’s mind a crystal-clear image of the events as they happened.
4. On the whole, the belief and the story matched up well. However, the closing paragraph does display a bit of a shift from the belief, as it comments more on the seemingly underlying idea of not having to be a perfect person. This doesn’t directly tie in with the belief, although in this specific instance it does.
5. Although your topic doesn’t really lend itself to sensory details (save for when describing the bunny), I feel that the story would benefit from a bit more vivid imagery. For example, you could describe the smell of the meal you were cooking – was it burning while all of this was happening? – to give the reader a sense of urgency atop the underlying finality.
6. Excluding the few changes I’ve already suggested, I can’t find anything in particular that needs to be fixed. This piece is well-rounded, concise, and extremely effective in accomplishing its goal, and I feel like any significant changes to the overall organization or wording would only hurt the piece in the long run.