Earlier today in Rhetoric and Civic Life class, we were contemplating deliberation topics. The idea was circulating about gender and one of my group mates proposed a very interesting topic that I would love to elaborate on in this edition of “The Gender Gap”. She questioned why women are socially allowed to cry but it is unheard of for a man to sob even for valid reasons. After some consideration, this stirred some controversy within my psyche. This is obviously a double standard that has been created. Why is it that men are looked at as weak when they are brought to tears, but when a girl breaks a nail, you expected to see some waterworks. The social stigma used against an entire gender is one that causes emotional and mental damage among the males that it effects. Men are forced to bottle up their feelings and this causes emotional deficiencies such as depression or anger issues. No person should subject to suppressing their feelings because it makes them look uncool that’s just unfair.
Gender stereotypes form ideologies that deter certain genders from acting in a manner that is typically attributed to the gender. This social construction is creating a cloud of misunderstanding for natural human bodily functions. Research shows that fighting tears is actually bad for you psychically. Here is a statement from a study PsychCentral that informs on the effects not crying creates:
“Health research has found many benefits to crying. When people suppress the urge to cry, emotions that would have been expressed through tears are bottled up instead. The underlying biochemistry affects the body differently than if the feelings had found a physical release. Over time, repressed emotions can trigger physiological changes that manifest in clinical symptoms such as high blood pressure.”
Also crying has an effect on the body on a mental standpoint. PsychCentral also released a statement that touches upon the mental deficiencies that bottling up teats can cause. The said the following:
“Social scientists have found correlations between men’s crying and their mental health. A study published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinity found that football players who cried about game outcomes reported higher levels of self-esteem. They felt secure enough to shed tears in front of their teammates and seemed less concerned about peer pressure.”
Obviously this more serious issue than just men not being able to talk about their issues. This is a problem that affects their decisions, future relationships, and the lifestyles. A recent study from Baylor University just released an interview titled “”Boy’s Don’t Cry” stereotypes harm masculinity” with on one of their own professors who elaborate on the differences of masculinity and feminism. Dr.
Mark Morman, director of graduate studies, has been researching the distinction of male and females based on societies determination. When he was asked to comment about masculinity shaming the expression of emotion, he responded with the following:
‘I would say it depends on context. I think Sunday night after the Super bowl, you saw a lot of very sad, upset, embarrassed, disappointed men, highly emotional. And yet, there’s sort of a respect for that. A lot of times when a lot of big time athletes, get a little emotional people sort of like that. So I don’t know if shame is the right word, but I certainly think context is the right word. Sometimes in politics you’ll see that. I remember President Bush on a couple of occasions kind of got a little teary-eyed and everyone thought, “Oh that’s great, what a man he is, how strong he is and he can show us that.” But if Hilary Clinton did that, it’d be, “See, see, that’s why we can’t have a women president.” So there’s such a double standard and there’s such hypocrisy and there’s all these stereotypes. I don’t think that shame is the right word, in certain contexts, absolutely. Men are ashamed to show emotion through name-calling through other types of social situations, definitely, but in other contexts, not so much.”
Dr. Morman took an unexpected approach with this response by displaying that crying sometimes displays manliness and leadership qualities while it it makes women seem inferior in their authoritative power. Crying can also lead to women losing their credibility in a sense. This a twist that opens one’s perspective to the possibility of crying being manly. Feel free to look at the full conversation HERE
I just want to play devil’s advocate for a second here. You cite the quote,
“Social scientists have found correlations between men’s crying and their mental health. A study published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinity found that football players who cried about game outcomes reported higher levels of self-esteem. They felt secure enough to shed tears in front of their teammates and seemed less concerned about peer pressure.”
Now, I can see how this statement could be accepted in a way in which the argument that crying helps maintain healthy self-esteem, however, couldn’t the men who cry about the games just have higher self-esteems to begin with? And subsequently their already high self-esteem allows them to cry in public? While I completely agree with your point of view, I don’t believe this specific quote supports it. This quote supports the idea that people with higher self-esteems are more comfortable expressing emotion, but not necessarily that self-esteem is impeded by repressed emotions.
I found an article (http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/how-crying-can-make-you-healthier-1009169.html) which brings up an interesting point. It states, ” For crying, a uniquely human form of emotional expression, to have survived evolution, it should have a practical purpose and give some kind of survival advantage. ” While there may not be concrete, quantifiable data to support that crying has a physical benefit, simple logic tells us that it must. Most things (save for the appendix) that serve virtually no purpose to humans have died off in the process of evolution. So the mere fact that humans still cry as a form of expression supports the idea that it must serve some purpose.
I really enjoy your perspective of sexism. I totally think sexism can go both ways…for some reason Tatum states in the book we’re reading that she reserves the term sexist for men…I disagree. I have often wondered, as a feminist who tells my boyfriend I’m doing what I want, not wearing heels to dinner if I don’t want to for example, how does he feel when I want him to open the door for me or pay the check when t comes? He would never say anything because that would make him less of a man. But it’s weird that I feel completely confident standing up for myself and openly breaking gender stereotypes while he’s told that fitting his gender stereotype is the gentlemanly thing to do. Seems a little unfair, and I’d encourage men to fight those societal expectations if they really feel passionate about them. (not just to prove that they shouldn’t have to always pay the bill). But if they truly feel like they are living in a way that feels unnatural to them, like holding back their emotions, I think the bravest kind of man would just do what feels right regardless of society’s expectation.