I’ll come right out and say it. No cutesy intro for the last low of the year. I’m going to get a B.
Throughout high school, I’ve been an A student. Better than an A student. I’ve been the type of kid who has over a 100 GPA. I was always one of the smartest kids in my class; the one everyone else looked to for help with their homework (or for someone to do their homework for them).
I never realized how much pride I took in my identity of the “exceptional student” until I got to Penn State and it was taken away from me. Now, sitting in some of my classes, I feel like my professors are talking a million miles an hour. I can’t follow the math on the board. It takes me four read-throughs of a paper to get the same grade I would’ve gotten on a rough draft in high school.
There are kids who do better than me. In high school, there were only one or two who were “better” than me in any given subject. Now, there are ten kids in any every class who get the material faster, who write better, or who speak better French. It’s been hard to accept that I’m average now. Nothing special.
But it’s been ok, because I’ve had my 4.0 GPA to console me (for the whole one semester I had a 4.0). If I couldn’t be the smartest one in the class, at least I knew I still had the best grades I possibly could. Even if I wasn’t getting 100’s, like I did in high school, I was still getting A’s.
Not anymore. Remember that Econ midterm I mentioned? The one that didn’t go well? Well, that test took my grade, which was barely bordering on an A-, and tanked it to a B+.
It’s hard to talk about my feelings regarding the B. For some people, a B is really good. For me, a B feels like I’m failing. It feels like I won’t get into law school. It feels like I’m the slowest one in the room. It feels like my parents will be disappointed, my friends will think I’m stupid, and like I’ll lose the “exceptional” label I’ve worked so hard to create.
This may seem really dramatic over one B, but it’s been so so hard for me. I even find my “bad” grade ruining my experience in the class. I’ve noticed that when I was doing well, I wanted to do the work and was happy to sit there and learn. Now, when I go to class, all I can do is think about my B. I pay attention out of fear now. Fear of what will happen if I do bad on another test.
I’m making it a goal to let go of my grades. It obviously hasn’t happened yet, as we can all see the effect this B is having on me. I hope that one day, I’ll be able to value learning from a challenging class, accept that there are people better than me, and move on. For now, I’m hung up on my B, and it’s very much my low of the week.
My high this week is so absolutely hysterical I had to put my hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t wake my roommate up with my laughter.
At three am, I had to get out of bed to use the bathroom. I opened my door to find this, not three feet from my room.
Yep, that’s one of the guys that lives in the supplemental across the hall (six dudes on an all-girls floor – what could go wrong?) He had his mattress set up in the hall, all nice and cozy.
I have no idea why he was there, but he was snoring. Loudly. I have video evidence of that, available upon request.
I needed that laugh, and the reminder that even though I’m a B student now, at least I’m not sleeping in the hallway in my underwear.
Mara this was so relatable, except for the kid sleeping in the hallway. I’m glad you found some light out of an unfortunate situation!
Mara, I am going to miss your blogs!! I find this particular blog very relatable. As someone else who was an “exceptional” student in high school, going to college and taking a bunch of STEM weed-out classes constantly has me working 100x harder for the same grades I got in high school. Like you, I am constantly worried that one “non-exceptional” grade will prevent me from getting into grad school (med school for me, but same idea as law school.) We’ll get through it though :))
Hi Mara!
I think it is completely relatable with how college has completely changed my perspective of what a good grade is. It has definitely been difficult coming to terms with admitting that I am having a difficult time in a class and that I am not doing as well as what I would have done in high school.
Also, I thought that picture at the end was so funny!
I have always enjoyed reading your blog. How you write about your life is interesting and relatable because you never sugarcoat anything. I personally have struggled with getting lower grades than usual. In high school, I hardly had to try to maintain my perfect GPA, and it feels weird accepting the fact that I’m no longer that ‘perfect student.’ I’m glad you’re working towards accepting it, and I promise you it feels like a burden lifted off your shoulders once you do. Great blog post like always and good luck with the rest of your semester!
Hey Mara, as someone who was also at the top of my class in high school and is now taking almost all STEM weed-out courses, I find this so relatable. I’ve had to work so hard for A’s after school has always come easy to me, and it hasn’t been easy to face that reality. Please remember that grades do not define who you are!!! But, you’re right, at least we’re not sleeping in the hallway!
I can definitely relate to the fact that this semester is ruining the “exceptional student” GPA I’ve had. I had hopes at the beginning but I’m slowly coming to the realization that physics is just not my strong suit. I also never thought that I would have to rely on LionTutors but I may be spotted there for finals season. ): At least we’re not doing as bad as the guy in the hallway was LOL
Reading your blog posts are consistently the high of my week. I love how you balance humor and dramatics with really aunthetic moments of growth and vulnerability. Awesome post as always!
Excellent work this semester! Letting go of academic perfection is hard, but I am glad you’re able to still have a good laugh:)