One time, while I was still living in Iowa and in 4th grade, this girl asked me “what are you?”
Now, that might seem like an odd question, but to me and many other Asians, this question meant, “what kind of Asian are you? As a child, I answered, “I’m Chinese and American… 100% Chinese, 100% American.” Rudely, she responded, “No you’re not, you can’t be 100% American… you’re just Chinese.” I was so confounded. In my mind I was like, “WTH do you MEAN I’m not American. I was born here, you know nothing about me.”
Throughout my life, I’ve heard stories of Asian Americans being called foreigners or foreigner-like terms even though they were born in America. It seems that our identity as Asian Americans is in the gray area. Are we American or are we *insert Asian ethnicity*? How much of each can we be? What’s acceptable to society? Why can’t we be both?
At the same time, for many who go visit their parent’s homeland or roots, despite being able or unable to speak the mother tongue, also face a similar issue. They may be viewed as foreigners even on their on land and around their own ethnic group. Asian Americans might be seen as too “Americanized” or “Western”, which makes sense, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve forgotten who we are or about our culture and heritage!
This identity crisis Asian Americans face feature different types of topics and issues. A quick list of them include:
- Ability/inability to speak mother tongue: feeling a broken or loss of cultural/familial connection
- Cultural holidays
- Food they see at home vs food they see at markets/school/etc.
- Parental behavior/familial behavior
- Cultural influences
In the following video by Wong Fu Productions, a YouTube channel created for and by Asian Americans, it discusses and portrays the idea of Asian Americans who are and feel “in between” being Asian and white due to how they grew up in America.
(Video ends at 13:30 and continues with discussion)
It’s not uncommon to hear that one might be “too Asian” in front of their white friends or being “not Asian enough” in front of their Asian friends. There’s uncertainty lingering over which community one belongs to because of how they may be treated by each community. This identity crisis is often found in adoptees and 3rd+ generations of Asian Americans, in addition to the majority of America’s Asian Americans who are 1st or 2nd generation (meaning they came to America with their parents or have immigrant parents, respectively.)
For me, I’ve grown up used to going to school with little to no Asian people, which made me feel out of place many times. But, it was an experience I had to adapt to. When I was with my family, it was a whole other culture I faced. The different experiences I dealt with being American and Asian surely had me confused at times and has caused me to think about both cultures more than others might. My combined identity is an aspect of me I had to learn to understand over time, and I am still attentive to my surroundings and to those around me.
I’m really sorry that you had to listen to someone tell you that you’re not American and are just Chinese; I cannot imagine how you felt. I have had people ask me “What are you?” to me too I guess because of my ability to tan well but I have never endured someone telling me that I’m not American because of how I looked. This blog really helps reinforce the idea into my head of how much people are treated differently because of how they look and how because of how I look I never really had to endure certain things like others. It is really interesting to learn about the whole in-between thing because I have never been in this position like you and have never realized it. I’m sorry if you have ever felt like that guy in the video has felt/ever felt lost. It does seem like you have grown from these experiences and are proud of who you are which is awesome to see and is something to be proud of!
I feel that this problem, especially after reading this post, is something that affects people a lot more than one would think. As a child I am sure I probably said something along the lines of “what are you” to another child out of ignorance. I think it is important that we teach the youth about these micro-agressions and how they can very negatively affect someone’s self image and identity. I, for one, was not really ever made aware of how asking people such questions were rude until I was old enough to learn myself. It is imperative that we teach kids at younger ages to be careful what they say to those who may not look exactly like them.
I know kids are curious, but that girl who asks you that sucks so bad and parents should really teach their kids to know better than to ask someone that question and respond both in such an ignorant and impolite way. Hopefully, that will be less of a problem with our generation’s kids. Also, the thing you wrote about being “too Asian” in front of white friends or being “not Asian enough” in front of Asian friends is something I’ve heard raised within the Black community before, and I’m sure it comes up in other minorities too. I know that might not be a ton of solace, but I think it may be comforting to know at least one other racial minority in the States feels the same way. It seems so hard to be forced to “Americanize” yourself and also try to stay close to your roots. I have a lot of empathy for your struggle and I hope you are able to find yourself more and more as you get older.