Forming a Safer and More Effective Sexual Education System
The United States stands as the leading developed country for teen pregnancy with American females ages 15-19 currently holding a rate of seventeen-point-four births per one-thousand. Despite the nearly seventy percent drop in rates since the mid 1900’s baby boom, this is still a pressing issue today due to the fact that these still high rates are not being appropriately addressed in the United States’ education system. The country’s main defense against teen pregnancy is currently through the use of abstinence-only sexual education programs, rather than through a comprehensive program that addresses topics such as safe sex, sexually transmitted infections and diseases, and others imperative to being fully educated on the subjects of sex and reproduction. With the recent coronavirus pandemic causing extreme changes in school systems, sexual health has been put on the back burner. It is now more important than ever to make up for this lost time and proceed with change in mindset that will better protect students and adolescents against unintended teen pregnancy. (Thesis) In order to provide a safer and more effective sexual education system that will benefit students, we must first address and abolish the current abstinence-only programs in place, then implement the use of a comprehensive sexual education program, and finally openly provide and allow access to sexual and reproductive health resources for the public.
Grace Blaha says
1. I liked your title for the most part, although I’m not sure if “forming” would be the best word to describe the situation. It seems that it might not convey enough action, or the right kind of action.
2. The issue seems to be pressing based off of this introduction, and including “safer” in the title gives a sense of need and urgency for the issue.
3. You set up a good argumentative claim, discussing the abstinence only alternative and giving data to prove its ineffectiveness. It gives good indicators for the direction in which the essay will go.
jab7643 says
1). I really like the title, and the wording almost directly connects to your thesis! I think that “developing” may be a better word than “forming,” but it was still a very well written title that accurately conveys the purpose of your brief.
2). I liked that you discussed how education has changed with COVID and provided a sense of urgency in regards to that. I do not know if COVID is the best argument for exigence since we are still experiencing many pressing problems, so sex education may still be considered a backburner issue. It might be better to include some information about how increased awareness about sex due to social media makes it even more important that students are getting accurate and extensive information from school as opposed to other, potentially unreliable sources.
3). Your thesis sets a very clear stage for the rest of your essay, and I feel like I have a good idea of where you will take the brief. Very well done!
emp5781 says
1. I really like your title a lot. I think it clearly states your topic and lets the audience know exactly what you are going to be addressing.
2. I think your title and your intro state exactly why this issue needs to be addressed now. Bringing in the changes that COVID has had to the school system and the need for schools to make up for this lost time is a great way to create that exigence.
3. Your thesis is great, it perfectly lays out a plan and what you are going to address. I have a great idea about what I’m going to read from what I’ve read so far. I can’t wait to see where you take this!