I believe in the power of sports.
Few experiences have meant as much to me as my trip to the World Series this past fall. I am an unabashed baseball fanatic, and unfortunately my Phillies haven’t been able to live up to expectations for most of my lifetime. That changed in 2022, when they finally got past their demons of bad contracts, aging and ineffective stars, and a carousel of hired and fired managers. The team made it to the World Series, and I was lucky enough to be able to attend their first home game, the first World Series game in Philadelphia since 2009. Few things I experience in life are likely to live up to the pure joy I had at Citizens Bank Park that night.
A city united behind its sports teams is one of the most electric environments one can be a part of. Philadelphia is no exception, as can be seen by their Super Bowl parade in 2018 and the World Series this past year. The tailgating lots outside the stadium opened five hours before the first pitch, and they were mostly full within the first hour. Cookouts, cornhole, and TVs filled the parking lots as pinstriped jerseys flooded Citizens Bank Way. I was able to find a program of events online, something I never imagined seeing for a baseball game. Football halftime shows are one thing, but an entire pregame concert next to a Ferris wheel was something new. To passerby, it may have looked like the entire city of Philadelphia was in attendance. To the fans, the spirit of the city was devoted to the team that night. Other issues became unimportant as the focus shifted to beating the Astros, nothing more.
The stadium was lit up like I’ve never seen before. 45,000+ fans waved their rally towels, both to show on Fox and to show that we were one group that night, just Phillies fans. When a Phillies pitcher recorded a strikeout, it was impossible to hear the person next to you because the entire stadium was enveloped with joy. A home run? Might need to check the local seismographs for that one. Any type of good play for the Phillies drew raucous cheers from the crowd, and I truly felt as if I was a part of the game. I can’t honestly say that’s something I’ve felt before, and it gave me a new perspective on what sports can do for someone.
Sports are one of the great unifiers of people. That night, nobody cared about your age, gender, political affiliation, or any other characteristic. If you were wearing a Phillies jersey, you had 45,000 other friends with you cheering for a common goal. The same can be said for most sporting events, especially as you go deeper into the playoffs with more on the line. I truly believe there is no one event that can bring a population of all backgrounds together like their favorite team competing for glory.
Hi Michael, good job!
1. In this draft, I was able to identify that your central conflict was how sports brings people together. Not only does it exist for the sheer fun of it, but also serves as a community builder for those who might not have much else in common. l believe that this structure was categorical. Although this piece is strong, I would suggest that you incorporate more of the enteral conflict into the introduction paragraph. It wasn’t until the end that I could really understand what you “This I believe was”. Personalizing a bit more (Especially in your theses) could certainly help you out.
2. I thought that this piece was both vivid and appealing to the senses. The description of the tailgating, crowds, and noises helped me to feel like I was actually there with you.
3. Your “I” could be developed further by cutting down on some of the imagery and instead incorporating how the scenery made YOU feel. How did you personally experience a sense of family from being at this event? I loved the description that you put into this narrative, but you could also benefit from speaking more on how you witnessed people being unified. A specific story might help!
4. I think the piece did match the conclusion in the end. It took me a while to understand where you were going with this, since the beginning is mostly about the excitement around the game. I think that if you incorporated a piece about how people in Philly are divided until it comes to sports than this might help you out. Just mention you “This I believe” sooner!
5. Try cutting some details out of the paragraph beginning with “A city untied behind its sports team…”. This paragraph had a great start but some details could be cut out so that you can focus more on your place in this story.