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Social Media. We love it don’t we? I mean it’s phenomenal. You can start at your twitter home page and 10 minutes later you’re looking at pictures from your ex-boyfriend’s second cousin’s best friend’s quinceanara. (Believe me, it happens) And in case my previous statement wasn’t clear, girls are nothing short of insane when it comes to social media and texting and pretty much communication in general.

First off, we have Facebook, which is almost obsolete nowadays but nonetheless is worth mentioning. Girls are notorious Facebook stalkers. They can find all of your basic information and most of your private information in a matter of minutes. And those embarrassing pictures from 6 years ago? You can bet the girl whose friend request you’ve just accepted has seen all of them and probably judged you a little bit. FYI.

What once started on Facebook, however, has now evolved into the much more intrusive and fast-paced twitter.  The great thing about twitter is that everything you tweet is fleeting. You can tweet whatever you want and it could only show up in a handful of timelines. But, everything is visible to females. as much as we stalked facebook, we stalk twitter even more. We see your tweet about not being ready for your chem exam. And what’s worse is that we analyze. Girls suddenly become members of the BAU when we look at your twitter profile. We theorize who you’re thinking about when you quote that Adele song. And this goes for guys and girls. We analyze everyone. (Very intrusive, we are.) The amount of time we spend stalking twitter is directly proportional to the number of tweets we post over a given time period. And I’ll be honest, the female twitter profile is just god awful. It seems all we do is post about feeling ugly or pictures of our cats or  subtweets about guys. (in case you don’t know, a subtweet is a tweet in which a specific individual is referenced, however no indication is made in regard to who the specific individual is)

But undoubtedly the most fun thing to talk about regarding girls and communication involves the direct conversation between two people. Whether it be a snapchat or a text message, girls expect to be prioritized. If we see the solid arrow become a mere outline on snapchat we expect to get a snap. Although I must say girls are less intense about snapchat than they are about text messages. And I blame read receipts on the iphone. Now, we can see that you opened our text message and are not responding intentionally. So, if you make the bold choice to turn on your read receipts, expect either a secretly offended friend or girlfriend or a multitude of text messages sent directly after another in hopes of making you respond. Also, girls are impatient, so respond quickly, I beg of you. In mentioning texting, you must mention emojis. Emojis are beautiful things. What started as a simple colon-close parenthesis combination to indicate happiness has evolved into an entire keyboard dedicated to explicitly telling the emotion which was meant to accompany your message. Girls love emojis because they set a tone with a message. We know (with relatively low variation) what you’re feeling and as a result, how we are to respond to your message. So use emojis. It’s for your own good.

Basically, social media is the outlet for girls to be as creepy as they could possibly wish to be. It’s wonderful, that we can connect with each other with a single click, but it can also be very scary. My only word of advice is to remember while you’re tweeting, texting, tagging Facebook photos, etc., that it cant be erased. My rule of thumb is, before I post, to imagine the person I least want to embarrass myself in front of reading it and wonder what impression it gives them. If nothing else, just remember what’s on the internet is there forever. So be careful.

Flirting with the Friend Zone

Now, this is surely a topic that will get some push back. So lets have some fun.

The Friend Zone: a static point in a relationship between a male and a female in which one party desires a more meaningful, romantic relationship where the second party does not in fear of damaging the friendship in its current standing

Any person that hasn’t been hiding under a rock for the past few years has seen tweets, facebook statuses, blog posts, etc. highlighting the sad saga that accompanies residence in the “friend zone.”  I have no confirming information regarding the origins of the term itself, but I believe the idea of the friend zone comes from boys who have tried to take the next step with one of their good friends only to be rejected with a justifying “You’re such a good friend to me. I don’t think we should complicate that with a relationship.” However, nowadays it seems to be a clever ruse that guys hide behind as an excuse to avoid that initial step and feed their own fear of rejection. You will see many guys go around saying they’ve been “friend-zoned” when in actuality the object of their affection has no idea of their feelings and may in fact feel the same way.

On the other hand, the entire premise of the friend zone is inherently presumptuous. The frustration girls have with the friend zone is that it makes things seem as though their male friends cannot value them as friends. All girls really want is to know that they are an important part of your life and you will care about them whether you are friends or something more. Friendship is a mental and emotional relationship first and foremost. It should not come with an expectation of romance or a physical component. I have seen many friendships destroyed when a boy tries to take a step in the romantic direction only to be enraged when he is rejected. But to that I ask, as many girls have: if you are willing to abandon your relationship with someone because they don’t want the same thing, were you really friends in the first place? In my opinion, the answer is most likely no.

This isn’t to say, however, that the friend zone is strictly a male dominated field, because girls are just as bad. And why is that? Because we’re passive aggressive about it. When a girl is interested in a guy she gives the vaguest signals possible and gets angry when they don’t get the hint. We will pine over a guy for extended periods of time (I’m not talking months; I’m talking years) without doing anything. Yet, sometimes you do find a gutsy girl who does take that leap. And sometimes it works out, which is great. But all too often, girls also can get rejected. Trust me, you do NOT want to be around when that happens. Girls will cry, throw tantrums, and go on hour-long rants about how they’ve been “friend zoned.”

And I am here to offer a sober truth. The infamous “friend zone” DOES NOT EXIST. It is not real. It is merely an excuse to cushion the devastating blow of rejection. We are much more inclined to believe that we are valued too highly for our companionship rather than that the person we are interested in does not feel the same way. To be completely truthful, girls do consider their male friends as potential romantic partners. Each and every one of them. And although i can’t speak definitively for our male counterparts, I’d be willing to bet they do too. Therefore, the next time you’re told that you’re “like a brother/sister to me” or “such a good friend” it might just mean that your friend isn’t interested in you that way. And that’s okay. You just have to move on. Don’t hold it against them.

That being said, don’t let the threat of rejection deter you from taking that risk. Because sometimes, just sometimes, it works out.

Consummation and Condemnation

Needless to say, this is a touchy topic (no pun intended…..well maybe a little). And I’ll admit, girls are pretty much the worst to talk to when it comes to sex, and understandably so. Between getting called sluts, whores, prudes, virgins(with an air of superiority), and the newest slur, sorostitutes, women are presented with a damned if you do-damned if you don’t situation. And although this is a definite societal issue which transcends gender, females are as bad as any when it comes to judging other women for their sexual tendencies. We are at a point in modern society which presents a moral dilemma to girls everywhere starting as young as fourteen or fifteen years old. From the time we are young enough to understand about “the birds and the bees” we are told to save ourselves until “we’re ready” or “for someone special” or, depending on your religious views, even until marriage. And for a a little while, maybe a few years if you’re lucky, this recommendation will suffice. Around the time you go to high school, however, your friends and acquaintances are singing an entirely different tune. That conversation which once was met with a resounding “EWWWW!!” is met with question and borderline outrage. The inexperienced girl can get anywhere from a “Good for you. You wait ’til you’re ready.” to a “What are you, some kind of prude?”

We live in a culture that sexualizes music, television, music, basically everything young people love. So it’s understandable that we’ve come to accept sex as a staple of modern society. Yet, particularly in the girl world, sex is met with an unavoidable social stigma despite any emotional or physical precaution taken. Everyone has seen it. It seems that any girl who has sex under the age of 21 is called a slut or an equally offensive name. And are boys met with the same reaction? Of course not. Men are encouraged to sleep around. Sexually promiscuous guys are admired, even revered for having “game”. I’d love to be able to say that it was only men who held this double standard, but women do nothing to stop or dissent common opinion. As any “friend-zoned” “nice guy” will quickly tell you, girls unequivocally chase Casanovas.

So far as I have noticed, college promotes a culture even more sexual than we are used to. As is so astutely labeled in a blog belonging to one of my peers, we have adapted a “hook-up culture.” It is common to be advised not to start or continue a relationship as it deters the full college experience. Campus-focused blogs offer advice and stories about hooking up often more than they do about classes or roommates. More progressive colleges have started to include condom dispensers alongside vending machines on each floor of their residence halls. However, terms like slut and whore are thrown around college campuses more than anywhere else.

Personally, I think everyone should have the freedom to do what they are comfortable with. Girls, if you want to have sex with someone and are confident in your choice to do so, then go for it. For what it’s worth, you have the blessing of a random chick on the internet. However, do not let yourself get pressured into doing something you don’t believe in or don’t want to do. If a guy doesn’t value you with your clothes on, then he’s not worth your time anyway. All I ask is that you respect yourself enough to choose your own adventure. And to guys, it should be no different. I’m sure there are some circumstances, sexual or otherwise, that make you uncomfortable no matter how reluctant you are to admit it. Believe it or not, girls like it more if you don’t sexualize your relationship too quickly. And if you do happen to be with a girl who would like to move at a slower pace, please respect that. Take it from me, there is nothing worse than losing someone you care about because you’re not ready for the kind of relationship they want.

 

Basically, know what you’re comfortable with and stand by it. Respect the choices of other people and don’t pressure them to do something that they’re not ready to do. You don’t have to take advantage of every opportunity you see. Sometimes (I dare even say often) it’s better to take the slow route, no matter what everyone else is doing or saying they’re doing. Sex has existed since the beginning of time and it will exist until the end of time. You will have another opportunity. So make it count.

Personalized Personalities

Hello Everyone! Welcome to Modern Misogynist, your hub for all frustrations female. This blog is intended not to offend, merely to entertain and hopefully resonate with some of you and your girl problems. Agree, disagree, tell me I’m an idiot; All opinions and comments are welcomed. Regardless of your possession of a Y chromosome or two X’s, we all know how confusing girls can be. So let’s get started, shall we?

PERSONALIZED PERSONA

Male or female, we all have many sides to our personalities. Whether you’re at work, at home, or out on the town, you show a different side of you. I like to think of each of us as a jigsaw puzzle of the different sides of our personalities, whose pieces fit together to give us a definition of who we are individually. This is normal.

Women, however, take this personality shift to a whole new level.

Whereas guys may iron their shirt or crack a few jokes to fit in better, girls will take on an entirely new persona. Girls will wear 6-inch heels that blister their feet and act confused when they’re not and laugh at jokes they don’t think are funny just to come off the way they think people want them to. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do it too. Who hasn’t curled their hair or spent a little more time on their makeup to just to impress someone? But this practice can be dangerous. You start dressing a little fancier and people get used to it, so the next time you roll out of bed and throw on a pair of sweats you start to get comments: “Rough night last night?” “What happened to you?” Or worse. You’re pressured into sticking to your $50 jeans and designer shoes just to avoid negativity.

Women, it seems, have an inherent desire to please everyone. So we alter ourselves instead of accepting who we are and letting others do the same. From this we now have the group of female role models preaching about self-acceptance. From Beyonce’s “Flawless” to the Today Show’s “No Makeup Monday,” it seems the next big social movement is an effort to put Maybelline out of business. I in no way have anything against showing off your natural beauty, but I do love my concealer. And is that really so wrong? If you’re born with naturally clear skin or can get a full 8 hours of sleep a night and avoid having the rings of Saturn under your eyes in the morning then more power to you. However, not all of us have that luxury. Makeup and manageable hair and an occasional dress up day can give you a huge confidence boost (as we girls often need). So if you feel like wobbling around in heels all day because they make you feel hot, then you go for it, but don’t forget about the ever-important ponytail and sweatshirt days. Just don’t change who you are and (more importantly) who you want to be to make someone like you. As any sensible woman will tell you, letting yourself get pressured into being something you’re not never puts you in a position to be happy.

So, girls, do what you want. Wear what makes you feel good. Say whatever is on your mind. And guys, pay attention. Girls are who they are whether they’re in sneakers or stilettos. Don’t think something is wrong just because a girl who normally looks like she walked straight out of Vogue decided to pull her high school track sweatshirt out of the closet. Whether you’ve seen it or not, that’s a side of her, and it deserves to be seen just like all of the others.