Consummation and Condemnation

Needless to say, this is a touchy topic (no pun intended…..well maybe a little). And I’ll admit, girls are pretty much the worst to talk to when it comes to sex, and understandably so. Between getting called sluts, whores, prudes, virgins(with an air of superiority), and the newest slur, sorostitutes, women are presented with a damned if you do-damned if you don’t situation. And although this is a definite societal issue which transcends gender, females are as bad as any when it comes to judging other women for their sexual tendencies. We are at a point in modern society which presents a moral dilemma to girls everywhere starting as young as fourteen or fifteen years old. From the time we are young enough to understand about “the birds and the bees” we are told to save ourselves until “we’re ready” or “for someone special” or, depending on your religious views, even until marriage. And for a a little while, maybe a few years if you’re lucky, this recommendation will suffice. Around the time you go to high school, however, your friends and acquaintances are singing an entirely different tune. That conversation which once was met with a resounding “EWWWW!!” is met with question and borderline outrage. The inexperienced girl can get anywhere from a “Good for you. You wait ’til you’re ready.” to a “What are you, some kind of prude?”

We live in a culture that sexualizes music, television, music, basically everything young people love. So it’s understandable that we’ve come to accept sex as a staple of modern society. Yet, particularly in the girl world, sex is met with an unavoidable social stigma despite any emotional or physical precaution taken. Everyone has seen it. It seems that any girl who has sex under the age of 21 is called a slut or an equally offensive name. And are boys met with the same reaction? Of course not. Men are encouraged to sleep around. Sexually promiscuous guys are admired, even revered for having “game”. I’d love to be able to say that it was only men who held this double standard, but women do nothing to stop or dissent common opinion. As any “friend-zoned” “nice guy” will quickly tell you, girls unequivocally chase Casanovas.

So far as I have noticed, college promotes a culture even more sexual than we are used to. As is so astutely labeled in a blog belonging to one of my peers, we have adapted a “hook-up culture.” It is common to be advised not to start or continue a relationship as it deters the full college experience. Campus-focused blogs offer advice and stories about hooking up often more than they do about classes or roommates. More progressive colleges have started to include condom dispensers alongside vending machines on each floor of their residence halls. However, terms like slut and whore are thrown around college campuses more than anywhere else.

Personally, I think everyone should have the freedom to do what they are comfortable with. Girls, if you want to have sex with someone and are confident in your choice to do so, then go for it. For what it’s worth, you have the blessing of a random chick on the internet. However, do not let yourself get pressured into doing something you don’t believe in or don’t want to do. If a guy doesn’t value you with your clothes on, then he’s not worth your time anyway. All I ask is that you respect yourself enough to choose your own adventure. And to guys, it should be no different. I’m sure there are some circumstances, sexual or otherwise, that make you uncomfortable no matter how reluctant you are to admit it. Believe it or not, girls like it more if you don’t sexualize your relationship too quickly. And if you do happen to be with a girl who would like to move at a slower pace, please respect that. Take it from me, there is nothing worse than losing someone you care about because you’re not ready for the kind of relationship they want.

 

Basically, know what you’re comfortable with and stand by it. Respect the choices of other people and don’t pressure them to do something that they’re not ready to do. You don’t have to take advantage of every opportunity you see. Sometimes (I dare even say often) it’s better to take the slow route, no matter what everyone else is doing or saying they’re doing. Sex has existed since the beginning of time and it will exist until the end of time. You will have another opportunity. So make it count.