Now, this is surely a topic that will get some push back. So lets have some fun.

The Friend Zone: a static point in a relationship between a male and a female in which one party desires a more meaningful, romantic relationship where the second party does not in fear of damaging the friendship in its current standing

Any person that hasn’t been hiding under a rock for the past few years has seen tweets, facebook statuses, blog posts, etc. highlighting the sad saga that accompanies residence in the “friend zone.”  I have no confirming information regarding the origins of the term itself, but I believe the idea of the friend zone comes from boys who have tried to take the next step with one of their good friends only to be rejected with a justifying “You’re such a good friend to me. I don’t think we should complicate that with a relationship.” However, nowadays it seems to be a clever ruse that guys hide behind as an excuse to avoid that initial step and feed their own fear of rejection. You will see many guys go around saying they’ve been “friend-zoned” when in actuality the object of their affection has no idea of their feelings and may in fact feel the same way.

On the other hand, the entire premise of the friend zone is inherently presumptuous. The frustration girls have with the friend zone is that it makes things seem as though their male friends cannot value them as friends. All girls really want is to know that they are an important part of your life and you will care about them whether you are friends or something more. Friendship is a mental and emotional relationship first and foremost. It should not come with an expectation of romance or a physical component. I have seen many friendships destroyed when a boy tries to take a step in the romantic direction only to be enraged when he is rejected. But to that I ask, as many girls have: if you are willing to abandon your relationship with someone because they don’t want the same thing, were you really friends in the first place? In my opinion, the answer is most likely no.

This isn’t to say, however, that the friend zone is strictly a male dominated field, because girls are just as bad. And why is that? Because we’re passive aggressive about it. When a girl is interested in a guy she gives the vaguest signals possible and gets angry when they don’t get the hint. We will pine over a guy for extended periods of time (I’m not talking months; I’m talking years) without doing anything. Yet, sometimes you do find a gutsy girl who does take that leap. And sometimes it works out, which is great. But all too often, girls also can get rejected. Trust me, you do NOT want to be around when that happens. Girls will cry, throw tantrums, and go on hour-long rants about how they’ve been “friend zoned.”

And I am here to offer a sober truth. The infamous “friend zone” DOES NOT EXIST. It is not real. It is merely an excuse to cushion the devastating blow of rejection. We are much more inclined to believe that we are valued too highly for our companionship rather than that the person we are interested in does not feel the same way. To be completely truthful, girls do consider their male friends as potential romantic partners. Each and every one of them. And although i can’t speak definitively for our male counterparts, I’d be willing to bet they do too. Therefore, the next time you’re told that you’re “like a brother/sister to me” or “such a good friend” it might just mean that your friend isn’t interested in you that way. And that’s okay. You just have to move on. Don’t hold it against them.

That being said, don’t let the threat of rejection deter you from taking that risk. Because sometimes, just sometimes, it works out.