Flirting with the Friend Zone

Now, this is surely a topic that will get some push back. So lets have some fun.

The Friend Zone: a static point in a relationship between a male and a female in which one party desires a more meaningful, romantic relationship where the second party does not in fear of damaging the friendship in its current standing

Any person that hasn’t been hiding under a rock for the past few years has seen tweets, facebook statuses, blog posts, etc. highlighting the sad saga that accompanies residence in the “friend zone.”  I have no confirming information regarding the origins of the term itself, but I believe the idea of the friend zone comes from boys who have tried to take the next step with one of their good friends only to be rejected with a justifying “You’re such a good friend to me. I don’t think we should complicate that with a relationship.” However, nowadays it seems to be a clever ruse that guys hide behind as an excuse to avoid that initial step and feed their own fear of rejection. You will see many guys go around saying they’ve been “friend-zoned” when in actuality the object of their affection has no idea of their feelings and may in fact feel the same way.

On the other hand, the entire premise of the friend zone is inherently presumptuous. The frustration girls have with the friend zone is that it makes things seem as though their male friends cannot value them as friends. All girls really want is to know that they are an important part of your life and you will care about them whether you are friends or something more. Friendship is a mental and emotional relationship first and foremost. It should not come with an expectation of romance or a physical component. I have seen many friendships destroyed when a boy tries to take a step in the romantic direction only to be enraged when he is rejected. But to that I ask, as many girls have: if you are willing to abandon your relationship with someone because they don’t want the same thing, were you really friends in the first place? In my opinion, the answer is most likely no.

This isn’t to say, however, that the friend zone is strictly a male dominated field, because girls are just as bad. And why is that? Because we’re passive aggressive about it. When a girl is interested in a guy she gives the vaguest signals possible and gets angry when they don’t get the hint. We will pine over a guy for extended periods of time (I’m not talking months; I’m talking years) without doing anything. Yet, sometimes you do find a gutsy girl who does take that leap. And sometimes it works out, which is great. But all too often, girls also can get rejected. Trust me, you do NOT want to be around when that happens. Girls will cry, throw tantrums, and go on hour-long rants about how they’ve been “friend zoned.”

And I am here to offer a sober truth. The infamous “friend zone” DOES NOT EXIST. It is not real. It is merely an excuse to cushion the devastating blow of rejection. We are much more inclined to believe that we are valued too highly for our companionship rather than that the person we are interested in does not feel the same way. To be completely truthful, girls do consider their male friends as potential romantic partners. Each and every one of them. And although i can’t speak definitively for our male counterparts, I’d be willing to bet they do too. Therefore, the next time you’re told that you’re “like a brother/sister to me” or “such a good friend” it might just mean that your friend isn’t interested in you that way. And that’s okay. You just have to move on. Don’t hold it against them.

That being said, don’t let the threat of rejection deter you from taking that risk. Because sometimes, just sometimes, it works out.

3 thoughts on “Flirting with the Friend Zone

  1. Something that makes me mad about friendzones: it’s not like I’m doing it to hurt you. Boys- stop taking it as a personal attack on you. And don’t blame girls and talk about them to your friends or call them names or whatever you may say about “friendzoning”. it’s so unfair to expect a girl to have feelings for you just because you’re friends, and from personal experience, if you treat her like its her responsibility to return feelings of a nature beyond friends, then it’s your loss, because chances are she doesn’t want any part of the relationship after you’ve “complicated it”. P.S. sorry for all the heated comments on your blog I just really like it and it really talks about stuff I can comment on lol

  2. It’s totally sad that the whole concept of a friend zone exists. As someone who just by nature gets along better with guys, this issue comes up and never seems to end fairly in discussion. It’s like an invention of this unnecessary guilt for people; for instance, my best friend (male) all through high school had gained feelings for me, and I was suddenly being told I was “friendzoning”. I think it’s sad that you can’t just work through things like that without having some kind of miserable title to correspond. It’s totally okay to not have mutual feelings, that’s the beauty of the human mind.

  3. It was about time someone addressed the infamous friend-zone. I have to admit, I think it exists, but at the same time, I think it’s sad that people (guys in particular) get so upset about it. Every time a girl is nice to you is not an invitation for an intimate relationship. People shouldn’t be seeking those relationships either, they should just happen. Great post, looking forward to next week.

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