This post is a college student’s guide to the different types of relationships you can have, as told by a girl.
1. Talking: Talking is the sort of preface to dating, however it doesn’t necesarrily have to lead to dating. Talking simply consists of two people, well, talking a lot. It’s the stage where you get to know each other, and often text on a regular basis. It can include hanging out on occasion and tends to elicit the common question “are you two a thing?” Talking is not by nature an exclusive relationship, however it is subject to change at the will of those parties involved. In the beginning stages, either party can hold the same relationship with a number of other individuals, as it is merely a form of getting to know another person.
2. Hooking Up: Hooking up means you hang out with another person for no reason outside of physical desire. Most communication in a hooking up relationship is simply to ask if the second party wants to meet up. This relationship can be complicated by an already existent friendship between the two parties, as it elicits a confusion in regard to which part of the relationship is more dominant. Like talking, hooking up does not necessarily imply monogamy. While it is more common for men to have more than one hook-up, it is not uncommon for either party to hook up with other individuals. However, due to the rather instable emotional state that comes with the territory, hooking up can often lead to other things. More frequently, a girl will seek something more than the hooking up relationship and hope to progress to at least a talking relationship.
3. Dating: This is a very rare relationship to have in college. Dating is basically talking without the technological aspect. It consists of hanging out with another person on a semi-regular basis for the purpose of getting to know them better, and to figure out if you want a relationship with them. As with talking, this is a non-exclusive relationship and either party can date a number of individuals at a time.
4. “In a Relationship”: this is the only truly exclusive relationship in college. This is when you call the other person boyfriend or girlfriend and spend a lot of time together. It is the traditional form of a relationship, where your only romantic interest is for your boyfriend or girlfriend, and any deviation from that relationship is considered cheating.
Now, these are merely the definitions I have gathered from my own personal observation and experience. These definitions can certainly vary from person to person, which is why communication is so important between two people. With any type of relationship you have it is imperative that you define not necessarily your status, but your expecations for yourself and your partner. While it may be uncomfortable, it’s a lot better than being hurt further down the road because you expected more from someone than they believed.
I find it really funny how here in America the dating/being-in-a-relationship system is all very ambigous or confusing. In Mexico we have a name for each of these stages, and we are way much more clear about it. We ask or clearly demonstrate our interest in someone and then past the “talking stage” there is more exclusivity while still only probing the possibility for a serious relationship. We call “dating” being GALANES and it is a step below a steady relationship but less official. Then past 2-3 months of being “galanes” the man will make a big gesture and clearly ask the girl directly if she wants to be his girlfriend; this is said as he “declaró” (he declared is the literal translation). Some plan a romantic dinner, or write it in a huge piece of paper while serenading with mariachis and such. Being galanes works as the being engaged period previous to a marriage. While it is easier to get out of the galanes stage without the drama of breaking up an engagement, it is still implied that the girl will accept the girlfriend proposition if she didnt break the stage previously. Hookups in Mexico are weird. Friends with Benefits exist just fine, but because we don’t live in the campus of the college we’re studying at its hard to look for the time to just sleep with someone without going through much trouble. So hooking up is not common or used at all.
Personally, I am on board with all your observations of each kind of relationships. The one that still confuses me to this day is the hookup. It’s a very fragile issue with teenage hormones today. It risks a lot to be intimate with someone that you have known prior to the hookup or a complete stranger. I think it is best to avoid it all together.