How I Feel:
It is now day 63 of my captivity. I enjoyed the solitude at first, but I have grown stir crazy. I am allowed outdoor release time, but when the sun shines it is cold and when it is warm the sky drops rain. My cellmate is amusing, but he often won’t share the remote control in our shared TV lounge. I have car privileges, but I am only allowed to go to grocery stores where I am forced to follow directional arrows, stand on dots on the floor, and must wear a mask to disguise my obvious beauty. I was awarded a day pass to visit my parents, but spent the entire day working tech support and teaching the octogenarians the inner workings of Zoom meetings. I am told I am fortunate that I have occupational time that earns me grocery money. This occupational time involves countless hours of staring at computer screens from a dark corner of a room that needs to be cleaned—often while being watched by the two feline guards and a towering basket of laundry demanding to be put away. My “free time” often also involves screens. When I am not bound to the screens, I am required to hunch over the machine of sewing. It seems many friends are depending on my 8th grade home economics skills which designate me as a master maker of the required beauty-disguising masks. On extra-good days I am released to the dreary basement room where I am supposed to think it is fun to run on the machine that takes me to nowhere. While the running does indeed feel good, the path to nowhere has become all too familiar. I heard news that my status of captivity has been updated to the level of yellow. What this actually means is that I am now allowed to go to more places, but I am afraid to do so. The outside people frighten me more than the captivity. The end to this situation does not seem to be near. I am trying to find joy in the bounds of my prison. I am not ok.
What is real:
A brilliant unidentified person from the land of social media put together this masterpiece. We should all use it daily.
We’re all doing the best we can manage. We are not ok. But it is ok not to be ok.
Take care of yourself!