Title: Updating the Nation’s High School Curriculum to teach Renewable Energy
Did you know that “nuclear energy results in 99.8% fewer deaths than brown coal; 99.7% fewer than coal; 99.6% fewer than oil; and 97.5% fewer than gas?” (Our World in Data). It turns out that 54% of Americans oppose nuclear energy, and the main reason is their belief that it is a dangerous process. This is often the case for many other forms of renewable energy. Americans are misinformed and uneducated when it comes to renewable energy, and it is essential that we implement renewable energy education into the existing high school curriculum.
Issue Brief Intro Draft
Harrison,
I think your title is a good introduction in to the piece and explains specifically what the piece is about and matches your thesis. I would suggest capitalizing the t in teach. The title is already long as is, so I don’t know what to do about it, but I would say that it does tell us what the issue is. Perhaps that is fine, but at it’s current state it is only offering a solution to a problem not yet specified. Again, the title is a response to an exigence, but does not mention the exigence. Your paragraph does a good job explaining the exigence of the issue and of how important it is and misinformed people are. I am not a fan opening with a question. It is abhorrently informal and all my middle school teachers said to never do that. You can easily just change this into a statement and pack the same punch without the cheesiness of a question. Your thesis is good in my opinion. You mention the issue and you present a solution. I do think that you can spend a little more time building up to the thesis, but it is not bad as is. I cannot picture specifically how this will be implemented from the thesis, but I feel you will flesh that out later.
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
I like the title you chose, it isn’t the most concise, but it states your thesis strongly, which is most important for a title.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence?-Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
I bet as you continue to do research, you will find more timely and interesting facts (ideally tied to a recent date) that you could use as the exigence that would be more directly relevant rather than referring to these stats as “recent.”
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
Your thesis does a great job at concisely stating the problem and arguing a direction forward. I think this thesis statement will change more and become more specific as you continue to do research and develop your paper.