Source: IncImages

Whether we are aware of it or not, the relationships we have with other people have an incredibly strong impact on our mental health. If you have ever been on a sports team or worked in a group setting, you may be able to identify with the fact that just a few or even one negative person can change the entire atmosphere. Perhaps you played on a sports team in high school and had a very good coach and very skilled teammates, but there was one team member who had a negative attitude and changed the dynamic of the whole team. Humans are social by nature, and having a supportive community or even just a few healthy and positive relationships can make a world of a difference.

In this post, I would like to address the differences between healthy and toxic relationships. I would also like to dive deeper into why negative relationships and communities can have such a powerful impact on mental health. Factors such as co-rumination and invalidation can be psychologically harmful. Furthermore, I would also like to discuss how to escape from these toxic relationships.

Source: The Globe and Mail

In your lifetime, you’ve likely come across the term, “toxic relationship” once or twice. A toxic relationship is categorized by feelings of insecurity, negativity, jealousy, and distrust. Typically those in a toxic relationship or friendship will leave an interaction feeling drained or even depressed. These relationships are also typically unequal in terms of positive effort given and are often riddled with drama. Though someone in a toxic relationship may not be entirely aware of the issue, there are countless psychological and even health problems that can result from it. Those in a negative relationship may develop depression or anxiety, or constantly feel on edge. Toxic relationships even have a correlation to cardiac issues.

Source: The Ascent

I was recently introduced to the term co-rumination, which is something that I believe to be another important factor to mental health. It is essentially a collective, negative dialogue between peers. In some cases, it can be positive. Being open about your thoughts and feelings can be helpful, especially if it helps you to feel like you are not alone.  Finding common ground and feeling validated is incredibly important. However, co-rumination can become very negative when it is the only type of communication present, or when the majority of conversations are negative. This kind of communication can be very harmful when long term because it prevents the process of healing. It is difficult to move on from something when it is constantly in the front of your mind. This can in turn contribute to anxiety and depression.

Source: Vocal

So, if toxic friendships and co rumination are so harmful, what can we do to avoid them? Let’s begin with co rumination. First, you need to be able to recognize certain behaviors as unhealthy. Think about if the issue you are discussing has already been frequently addressed. Are you catastrophizing something that has not yet happened? If so, how can you change the conversation? It is important to consider both your own and your peer’s emotions and be respectful if you catch yourselves co ruminating and want to lead the conversation in a different direction. Try and discuss ways to problem solve. Is there something that you can do to improve the situation? If there doesn’t seem to be an apparent solution, consider reflecting on how you could prevent similar situations in the future or how to cope in a healthy way. Maybe even make plans to team up and tackle the challenges you are facing together.

Now, lets discuss toxic friendships and how to handle them. Before I begin, I would like to express the fact that there is a difference between toxic relationships and abusive relationships. If you feel fearful or unsafe, that your partner is controlling, manipulative, or puts you in danger, I have left a number down below for the Domestic Abuse Hotline. You are the only person who can truly define your relationship and its labels. Now, if you are in a toxic relationship, and you decide that it is best for you to end that relationship, it is absolutely okay to do so. When approaching that situation, there are a few things you can do to help make the process easier. It is possible to end relationships with grace and honesty. First, make note of your friend or partner and show them that you did appreciate them. If you haven’t brought up the imbalances or issues with the relationship, it is important to apologize for the miscommunication. Then, share how you feel. If you are unable to be yourself or feel fulfilled be the friendship or relationship, be honest about it. Establish what you would be comfortable with in the future. If it is simply being civil if meeting in a public setting, then it is okay to ask for that. Remember that by ending the relationship, you are benefiting the both of you. No matter how they react, you can have peace in knowing that you were considerate and kind in the face of adversity.

Source: HuffPost

The relationships that we have with one another are incredibly important to our well-being. Being able to recognize unhealthy relationships as well as harmful conversation can help us to maintain healthier and happier lifestyles. If you have questions to ask or experiences that you would like to share that may help others, feel free to comment down below and continue the conversation!

National Domestic Violence Hotline:

1-800-799-7233 or visit the website to chat online.

Sources:

Carter, Sherrie. “The Hidden Health Hazards of Toxic Relationships.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 2011, http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201108/the-hidden-health-hazards-toxic-relationships.

CollabCounseling. “Is Your Relationship Healthy, Difficult, Toxic, or Abusive? – Miami Therapist.” The Collaborative Counseling Center, 27 Mar. 2019, http://www.thecollaborativecounselingcenter.com/is-your-relationship-healthy-difficult-toxic-or-abusive/.

Kirmayer, Miriam. “How Co-Rumination Turns Healthy Relationships Toxic.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 2018, http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/casual-close/201804/how-co-rumination-turns-healthy-relationships-toxic.