Mexico, a (flawed) Democracy Impaired by the Narco-State
Mexico is the 15th economy,1 the 46th most happy country,2 and one of the most insecure nations in the world. The latter reflects Mexico’s current government, which democracy is declining. However, first, let us define democracy. Democracy: A political system that allows the citizens to participate in political decision‐making, or to elect representatives to government bodies.3 In Mexico, Democracy is inexistent as elected officials, elected by fraud, take decisions that affect the people’s wellbeing.
Corruption is one of the many problems that Mexico suffers today. However, it is the most important one, and from it, many other problems are intertwined. The government’s lack of transparency has created a non-trustworthy State with abundant corruption. Additionally, it created a State with an absence of authority in the justice system. These have created the perfect environment for certain groups to participate in illicit activities such as narcotics, homicide, kidnap, etc.
Mexico’s President Andrés Manuel López Obrador has a new policy that states, “Hugs not Bullets.” That policy implies that he has no intentions of putting a firm stance against organized crime. Mexico is not in the position of not fighting criminals. Mexico needs a strong government that prosecutes criminals and takes them before the law. By reforming Mexico into a more democratic nation, it will achieve social and economic progress.
Endnotes:
1 Investopedia, The Top 25 Economies in the World, https://www.investopedia.com/insights/worlds-top-economies/ (Feb. 3, 2022)
2 Helliwell et al. Statistical Appendix for “Happiness, benevolence, and trust during COVID-19 and beyond,” Chapter 2 of World Happiness Report 2022, https://happiness-report.s3.amazonaws.com/2022/Appendix_1_StatiscalAppendix_Ch2.pdf (Mar. 9, 2022)
3 Oxford Reference, Democracy, https://www.oxfordreference.com/view/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095709688
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
I thought the title was really good, but since you mention the term “Narco State” in it I might suggest that you mention that term specifically in the introduction as you talk about the state’s corruption. I’m not sure if this is correct but just for grammatical reasons you may want to consider writing it as ” Mexico: A (flawed) democracy …… ” with a colon. It definitely hints at the thesis, but it isn’t totally obvious what you’re recommending be done just from the title. However, I think it’s fine because you do explain it in your thesis and you do mention an impaired democracy in the title – maybe add something about the flawed democracy needing reform if you want to be more specific in your title.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence?-Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
I think it definitely responds to an exigence, especially since you mentioned recent policy that you’re deeming ineffective. As well, I really liked your opening statements about the happiness and insecurity levels in the country, it set you up really well to call for change and made it a pressing issue. The only thing I would suggest in terms of making it more pressing would be to elaborate on the main thing you’re calling for policy on – the ineffective justice system. Maybe by adding some more details about the human impact of the government allowing such crime to occur, the introduction could have some more kick and make this a really important issue in the reader’s eyes.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
Your thesis states what your main claim is – more democracy is needed – but it doesn’t specify exactly what reforms you’re going to suggest about how to make that happen. You mention social and economic progress, which is good, but you may want to consider highlighting the actions you’re suggesting should be taken to achieve that goal. That way, the reader can see the way the rest of the argument is going to unfold in a more specific way. For example, I imagine you plan to talk about democratic reform in the government, probably specifically policies that address crime more harshly than the current government does because you focus on that in your introduction, but it’s hard to know what your other arguments are going to be in terms of institutions and policies. Once you plan out what you want to talk about in your body, I would add to your thesis to support what you introduced with this well-done introduction.
To begin, I think your title is perfect for the content within the introduction. It perfectly describes what you plan to talk about and sets up the information well. Moving into the writing, it is clear that you are responding to the exigence of the corruption in Mexico, more specifically fraudulent elections that negatively impact the well being of the people. Finally, I think your thesis is excellent as well. It is clear that you plan to talk about political reform in Mexico with a focus on economic and social reform. As far as suggestions, one sweeping one that I would make is to flesh out the introduction more. Provide a specific example of a corrupt leader in Mexico, or provide statistics on what percent of elections are fraudulent or give specific examples of how the the wellbeing of the people is impacted by these elections. Overall, great work on the most important aspects!