Rough draft for This I Believe 1/21/20

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This I believe that everyone should be punishable for wrongdoings

 

Sirens. Sadness. Scared. Confusion. Why was this happening to my family I thought.

Those were all my thoughts when I was younger growing up. I have vivid memories of being told not to do bad things that would ruin my potential future. This was hard for me to understand as my older brother never took that advice as he continuously was ruining his future due to another person’s control. My brother is an opioid addict ever since his accident that led him to being prescribed a dosage that they never weaned him off of. I don’t really remember his first overdose but I remember always asking why no one found the bad guys who did it, the bad guys being the dealers. Each time he was angry with someone, the sounds of ambulances and cop cars in my drive were just expected… almost common, just as common as a stray dog that comes into your yard as you think nothing of giving it food, just. One. Time. “It won’t come back, it’s a one-time thing”. But its never just a one-time thing. My brother is the stray dog and the dealers are the innocents thinking its okay to give just once. Once turns into a lifetime of needing and coming back. There are horrible times where you question how can there be people who are okay with costing lives, but I’m grateful for the times growing up where we played in violent games on Xbox and even played outside on dirt bikes, but I’m not grateful for the lack of justice that is taken in order to prevent these situations.

There is always the idea that you cause your own future and what happens is a domino effect from the choices you have made. And honestly, I feel that holds some truth, but if there are people who enjoy banking off of others’ problems, knowing lives are at risk, the families at risk for losing, why do they continue? My thoughts are, in early life, not many people are able to be taught right from wrong and how their actions can cost others. As people with emotions and care,  we should know better, we’re supposed to be taught better, but where were the parents of the boy who is now a man selling drugs to my brother causing him to be hospitalized over and over again. It’s too common for people to believe they cannot be punished for what they do.

I believe from the experiences in life, that people should be held accountable for their wrongdoings. There should not be punishment for those who need help, but for those who get away with harmful actions. Lying should be punished with saying “I’m sorry”, cheating should be punished with being called out and learning to right their wrongs, murder should be punished with life sentences, and whoever raises us should be able to help instill these values of the law. People don’t ask to be addicted, people don’t ask to be criminals, these things happen, and that’s why knowledge of the laws of justice and the laws of being a good human should be held higher. Everyone should be held accountable and punished for their wrongdoings whether it’s small or big, from the law or from your guardians, that’s why I hopefully will be able to uphold the laws in my future career and also be able to educate my future children in right from wrong because I feel I need to do better than those before me.

3 thoughts on “Rough draft for This I Believe 1/21/20

  1. This is a really solid draft that is super interesting to read. I love how you break it down into a clearcut “good” and “bad”, “right” and “wrong”, it does wonders to place the story in more colloquial terms and shows how impressionable the experience is on a younger sister.

    1. 1. Opioids, Realisations
      2. Solid Arrangement: I like how the story builds to your I believe moment.
      3. Keep the sensory development and characterisation that you start with. It starts very strong, explain what you believe, explain how you feel, and why you feel that way.
      4. Yes, pull the story and belief to you. Use I statements to avoid 3rd person vibe.
      5. Some Grammatical Errors (will be resolved during recording.)
      6. Add more I statements to mold the story to your explanation and beliefs

  2. I like your story! It looks like your conflict is surrounding punishment going towards the right people in this world and making sure people pay for their actions. Though I felt there was a sensory appeal in the first sentence, I feel like it dropped off a bit once you got into the body paragraphs. The organization felt a bit rambly, but I could still follow your train of thought and see how your belief stems from your personal experience. I think if you could describe the moment when your emotions recognized the anger that you had for the dealers, that could serve as a great linking point between your conflict, belief, and story. This could engage the reader’s senses with how you responded, the sadness and anger that this situation has brought you, and how you are taking those feelings forward in hopes to fix these issues in your future career. I really like your analogy to a stray dog, but I think it could have an even greater impact if you brought it towards the conclusion and carried the idea to come full circle. Finally, I definitely felt that the piece was author-oriented, which is great, but in the second paragraph, I think you could include more “I” statements and describe the situation in a less third-person manner. Great job!

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