“It is not the words of our enemies that hurt us, but the silence of our friends.”
Dr. Martin Luther King
The Importance of Bystander Intervention
Sometimes we think that because we’re not the victim or the culprit, we’re not involved. We take the position of a bystander. But many times the bystanders are the ones with the most power to change a situation. This is the case with sexual abuse.
Here are some questions people have regarding what to do when confronting sexual abuse among children:
“What do I do if I think someone needs help?”
It’s hard to step up, especially when we’re not sure of what’s really going on. It’s never beneficial to ask directly if someone is being sexually abused, whether it’s a young child or a teenager. They might deny it and even become defensive. They might confess, but refuse to give the details or even the truth about what’s really going on.
It’s hard to say exactly how you should approach the situation. With young children you should be very careful. Choose words that a child can understand without making the matter sound frivolous. But don’t put words in their mouth. The same can be said for teenagers, but be even more careful in avoiding interrogation. The more direct questions you ask, the less likely they will respond.
“What do I do if someone is acting suspicious?”
Much like asking the victim, you don’t want to directly accuse someone with something as serious as child sexual abuse, especially if you’re not sure. Instead of asking questions, in this case you might want to keep a close eye on who you’re suspicious of. Watch how they interact with the child. Do they constantly want to be alone with them? Are the always insisting on taking them somewhere or having them over their house alone? Do they frequently have children around? Are some children reluctant to be alone with the person? Or the opposite, do they seem overly eager?
These traits don’t automatically mean sexual abuse, but they are things to look out for. When it’s happening with someone you know very well, it’s hard to notice these details. They seem normal. But that’s the time when you need to be even more wary. Don’t confront the person unless you’re almost 100% sure something is going on.
“What if they deny it?”
So you decide to confront them. You pretty much know they’re doing something wrong, even if it’s not full blown. But they deny it. You don’t have any physical proof or any eye witnesses to confirm your suspicions. You’re basically left at square one. On top of that, the one who you have accused knows you’re suspicious. Either they’re angry at your erroneous accusation, or they’re trying to do a better job at hiding their crime.
The important thing to remember here is, at least you’re making an effort. If they’re telling the truth, and they haven’t done anything wrong, then great. But if they’re lying, it’s time to call someone. That’s where our resources tab comes in. Take a look through the resources we have if you suspect anyone of any wrongdoing. It’s better to be aware of what’s going on around you then to turn a blind eye to a suffering child.
For even more information about how to handle these situations, enroll in our Stewards of Children training program, which is held once a semester. For further details on the date, look through the events or go to the official Stewards of Children website.