To Send or Not To Send?

Is it smart to send emotional text messages, and how do we control the interpretations of our messages?

Today, texting is the most common medium in which people communicate. And, that is probably because of how convenient texting truly is. For example, if you are in class and your roommate texts you, asking if you want to order a pizza for dinner, you can easily send a quick reply without disrupting class by, say, getting up and going out into the hall to answer your phone.

This convenience texting provides, though, is not just for answering questions about pizza. Texting has become a medium in which people conduct all sorts of conversations from checking up on a friend to breaking up with someone; the conversations can essentially be quite meaningful and/or heavy.

At first, it sounds odd to conduct important conversations- like breaking up with someone- over text. One friend of mine was broken up with over Facebook Messenger; she had been dating her boyfriend for almost a whole YEAR, and that is how he chose to end it. Pretty cold, right?

In her online article, Linguistic Professor Deborah Cameron claimed that texting has become the norm because texting is more private. When you’re talking on the phone, someone can easily eavesdrop. Texting provides two people with confidentiality. No one knows what they are talking about, and no one has to know unless the texter divulges this information.

There are probably a lot of conversations a parent would hate to overhear, so texting is a lifesaver in that way.

However, I think there is more to texting than just privacy. Going back to my friend who was so rudely broken up with over a messenger app, I think texting gives something to us that is rather dangerous: it provides us with a sense of power that doesn’t actually exist.

When we text, we do not have to handle the emotions and reactions of the other person, which makes it easier for us to do what we intend to do. Watching someone begin to cry or laugh can influence the delivery of what we were planning on saying, and texting basically covers our eyes, so we do not see how the other person is handling our words; we are unburdened with their emotions and can, therefore, seamlessly deliver our messages.

And, for my friend, this sadly made sense. It had turned out that her boyfriend had attempted to break up with her a couple weeks before, and she begged him to give their relationship another try. Guilt-ridden by her pleading, he conceded. However, it was truly not what he wanted, and a few weeks later, she received that heart-wrenching message.

So, although he was able to finally do what he had intended to do for quite some time, it took hiding behind a phone screen in order to do it, and I think this is a problem in our society. If we never have to deal confrontation and learn how to properly handle the tension that comes with confrontation, we are doing a disservice to our interpersonal skills and basically hindering ourselves from further maturation.

Now, although texting does give us blinders in order to say what we truly want to say without dealing with the consequences that come with a face-to-face conversation, that does not mean that you or the person you are texting cannot inject tone to make the message sound more sincere.

Tone is specifically nice for lighter texts like checking in on a friend or explaining a story. Many times, in order to get your intended tone across in these messages, things like emojis, punctuation, and spelling lend a great helping hand.

Ben Crair, a story editor, published an article discussing the significance of the period in today’s society. He explained that, when the period was first used, it implied a pause. Now, however, Crair says that the period is “starting to get angry.” And, this is true.

Texting is used to replace a conversation that would naturally take place in person. Because of that, people tend to write their messages in the way that they would speak them. However, when writing, you have to think about incorporating punctuation and spelling, which is something that concerns no one when speaking.

Since texting is the writing form of speaking to someone in person, this punctuation and a great deal of spelling has become a new medium in which people communicate their mood or tone.

For example, the period can be interpreted as very aggressive. If someone sends you the text message, “K.”, you are in serious trouble.

The same goes for the punctuation called ellipsis. Crair mentioned that the ellipsis was used to be more passive-aggressive. However, it is also used as a way to communicate that the texter could say more but doesn’t know if it is safe to.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, dragging out words in a text message can imply a playful, dramatic, or even flirtatious tone.

Ultimately, texting has become an imperative medium for communication. From extremely emotional conversations to light hearted check-in texts, we all continue to use this medium to communicate messages, be them austere or buoyant.

Of course, people do worry about the more serious conversations that happen over text; to most people today, texting isn’t an appropriate medium to deliver a somber message through. As a result, many people grow angry at technology for the lack of communicational skills people have.

However, we have to remember that it is not the phone that is sending such impactful messages; it’s the people.