Empathy is unobtainable

In this post, I will present one of my most unpopular opinions that empathy is unobtainable. I ask the reader to keep an open mind.

Why do we water down the meaning of sympathy? Why do we relate our perspective to a situation as an understanding from the other’s perspective? First, I would like to point out that my ideology is not negative. My opinion just values the response of sympathy and devalues the illusion that one can “share” the feelings of another telepathically. Furthermore, one could argue that while sympathy is altruistic, empathy is egotistic.

No one can share my feelings. We all experience life differently. We create our own way to process information, along with particular biases, priorities, and values. These are unable to be shared between any two individuals. Even monozygotic twins will create different biases, priorities, and processes. The old adage “to walk a mile in my shoes” convinces individuals of the ability to share my experience. Sadly, no one will ever fit in my shoes. To take it a step further, it is audacious for one to claim the ability to view life through the eyes of another and “share” their emotions.

Why do we devalue sympathy?   Sympathy by definition is the understanding between two people.  Too often it only carries the connotative definition of feelings of pity.  Why doesn’t the phrase, “I sympathize with you” carry the same weight as empathy? When you are reflecting value of feeling with another, you are sympathizing with the other. Let me explain. Mostly all have experienced love, loss, joy, anger, frustration, etc. You process these feelings in a particular way. When you observe another experiencing feelings, you relate to the way you would process them, all the while, you have no idea how they do.   This is the pure definition of sympathy. You do not process feelings and emotions the way another does.

Sympathizing allows me to value the experience of another as theirs, and keeps the attention on the other. The illusion of empathy focuses on the self and draws attention to how I relate to the situation, devaluing the other’s experience. A simple example of conversation between two individuals, while the other states a situation, I will introduce a personal anecdote drawing attention to the personal anecdote, and taking value away from the situation the other is dealing with. To sympathize is to listen, accept, and open oneself to another’s needs. This ideology reflects attention to the other during a time of need as opposed to your feelings, since the situation is not about you.

Humility and humbleness are the signs of great people.