Have you started your deeper dive into the LGBTQIA+ corners of the internet? If so, go you! If not, that’s totally alright too. This stuff takes time and energy, so I encourage you to approach this guide at your own pace. Although it’s sometimes more convenient to push identity-related questions to the back burner in favor of focusing on school or work, please make sure to invest at least some time into this for yourself, so that you can grow and become more comfortable with knowing who you are. That’s the end goal here.

As promised in last week’s post about virtual connections, this week I’ll be talking about the value of making queer friends in person and the importance of face-to-face interactions with other members of the LGBTQIA+ community. This is yet another helpful step in learning more about your own identity by hearing from others around you who may be feeling or experiencing the same things.

For the vast majority of my life, I never talked about my identity and I didn’t have any close friends that identified as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. At the end of high school, however, I met and began growing closer with a wonderful group, about half of which are queer in some way. For probably the first time ever, I finally felt totally welcomed and accepted in a friend group, and I felt like I could be myself. But as the summer was coming to a close, I knew I had to leave them, and a significant part of my worries for college was that I would feel alone without being able to find more people like me. Little did I know what was in store.

Through orientation, I began meeting new people, and it was going alright. I was having mostly the same conversations with everyone, as is typical for starting out in a new environment like college. Hey! What’s your name? What are you majoring in? And then it happened, in the old and somewhat creepy basement of Atherton Hall (that most definitely has multiple asbestos warning signs posted) of all places. I met them.

It was the last day of orientation, after the SHO Time finale. There was going to be cookie dough in one of the lounges in the basement of Atherton. I wasn’t going to go because I wouldn’t be able to eat anything (I’m vegan by the way, besties). But at the last minute I decided to go anyway. I thought: What the heck? Maybe I’ll meet some new people.

I recognized two people I had met before sitting at a table with a group, setting up a game of Scrabble, so I went over and joined. Although we only played like one round before getting distracted by Cassandra Sotos herself, that was it. That was how I met Kate, McKenna, and Amber.

I promised myself that in starting fresh at college, I would be my true authentic self. I’m proud to say that so far, I have done just that. Heck, I’m even writing this blog about everything non-cishet. But I don’t know if I would have stuck to my intention if I had not met these three nerds. With a group like them, I feel more welcomed, accepted, and appreciated than I have ever before in life. Not to get sappy or cheesy on you all, but I’m incredibly grateful to have met such sweet and cool people, who all identify as LGBTQIA+ in some way or another. I already spend a ton of time with them, and I’m looking forward to continuing that trend into our futures here.

So, why did I just tell you my gay friend group origin story? I wanted to show you anecdotally how meaningful and valuable it is to have in person connections with fellow members of the LGBTQIA+ community, and explain to you how great it feels to have friends like these. You can talk about your identities, share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and feel completely understood. You can discuss your uncertainties and confusions, and work out how they can make you feel most comfortable (especially in terms of new discoveries about gender). Most importantly though, you can just hang out together and feel absolutely free to be whoever you really are in front of them. It’s a lovely feeling.

My advice to you is that you should try to find some non-cishet friends if you can. If you need somewhere to start looking, try joining any gender and sexuality diversity clubs or organizations wherever you may be. If that isn’t an option, try checking out some places or events near you where you think you may be able to find some queer people. I don’t know what it is, but we have a way of finding each other. Talk to some new people and try to make some connections. Trust me, I know it can be scary. I’m a total introvert through and through. But let me tell you, it’s worth it in the end.

And with that, I bid you farewell for the week. Good luck in your search for non-cishet friends, and good luck with continuing your unique identity-related journey. You’re doing great, my dear!

 

With love,

PJ <3

(any pronouns?)

 

 

Photo Credits:

Image 1, Image 2, Image 3, Image 4, Image 5