As the last post on Queeries, at least for this semester, I want to conclude by talking about expressing yourself and potentially coming out.

I do want to note that gender identity does not equal gender expression, and there is no way that you should look based on your identity. That is for you to decide based on whatever presentation makes you feel most comfortable and confident; whatever makes you feel the most like you. :]

As always, there is no rush with any of this, but once you have somewhat figured out your identity (whether in terms of gender or sexuality), I encourage you to evaluate how the way you currently present yourself makes you feel, and what you could potentially change to better align with how you feel inside. With me being genderfluid, I can certainly say for myself that changing my presentation to match up with my identity feels so good. It’s euphoric! And it can definitely help combat any dysphoria you may be feeling.

It is also important to recognize any hesitations you may have due to fear of judgement and ridicule by those directly around you. How do you really want to express yourself? How would you do so in the absence of the judgmental gaze of society?

Many people used the absence of such during quarantine to give them the time, space, and opportunity to experiment with their identity and expression. I know I did (as I describe in my TED Talk), and maybe you had the chance to do so as well! If not, it is not too late to begin. It may feel harder to start changing how you express yourself now that things are getting back to “normal,” but if it is something you want to do, I know you’ll be able to do it.

There is still much progress to be made so that everybody feels safe to present themselves however they want, but society as a whole (at least in America) is becoming more accepting of different identities. People in general, regardless of their gender or sexuality, are beginning to feel comfortable expressing themselves as they wish. Feel free to check out my research paper and/or TED Talk on this topic. I don’t mean to brag but, they’re pretty phenomenal. B)

I also want to briefly touch on the topic of coming out. It is important to understand that coming out is for you, and you alone. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing so if you don’t feel safe or if you just don’t want to. You never have to come out, but that choice is up to you based on how you think it will affect how you feel as you live day to day. It may help you feel more true to yourself so that you can be more authentic around others. But maybe you have no problem with being totally authentic without formally announcing your gender and/or sexuality. The perceived need to come out is a rather strange idea when you think about it more, and it is a result of a very heteronormative and cisnormative society.

While I have changed the pronouns in my Instagram bio to they/he/she, and I do post photos with relatively sus captions that everybody in my family can see, I haven’t officially come out to any of them. For a while, I was worried about what they would think based on my appearance on social media, but I came to the decision that I am just going to present myself very openly without necessarily coming out yet, so that I stop worrying about what my family sees versus what I “need” to hide. However, I think I will ultimately need to say something (hopefully casually) so that I feel better being around my family in terms of my gender and preferred pronouns. I did specifically come out to three friends before leaving for college, and it did get easier each time as I was beginning to accept myself more, so hopefully that applies to you as well if you decide to do something similar.

Alright buds, it is time for a bittersweet farewell. This is the conclusion of my last post on my very queer and genderqueeer blog for now. I hope you got something out of it, and maybe it helped you figure things out. I was very hesitant to write about anything related to my identity at the beginning of the semester, but I decided to, given the chance to make a positive impact on someone in a similar situation as me. In the end, I’m very glad that I did since it helped me figure some stuff out and become way more comfortable with openly sharing about myself.

So this is goodbye for now, my loves. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing journeys of self-discovery and in living freely as your most authentic self. I believe in you and I’m proud of you. I’ll see you again soon.

 

With love,
PJ <3

 

Check Out:

TED Talk, Research Paper

Photo Credits:

Image 1, Image 2, Image 3, Image 4