Welcome back to Queeries, presented to you by your friendly neighbor genderfluid queer lad! It’s been a bit, but I’m back for a new semester and ready to get back on track with your regularly scheduled content. As my first new post in a while, I want to talk about dressing for gender expression, focusing mainly on the things that give me gender envy and gender euphoria.
Let’s start out with a fun discussion about gender envy. Gender envy is the envy surrounding how other people express their gender. Different from just being jealous of the way other people look, transgender, non-binary, and genderqueer individuals often feel this envy toward others’ expressions of gender based on how they wish they could look to outwardly express their gender.
Onto some things that give me (and many others) gender envy:
- Fluffy/curly hair on men
- Tall men
- Deep voices
- Jewelry and chains on men and genderqueer folk
- Makeup on genderqueer folk
- Men wearing sweater vests and pearl necklaces
- T-shirts and button-down shirts on men
- Men wearing (chipped black) nail polish
As I’m an AFAB (assigned female at birth) genderfluid lad, there is an evident theme in my sources of gender envy above, as they mostly center around men and genderqueer (sometimes androgynous) individuals. Some people who give me gender envy are Ranboo, Wilbur Soot, Corpse Husband, Iris Olympia, Howl (from Howl’s Moving Castle), my younger brother, and random dudes I see day to day. (For those unaware, the first four are streamers/YouTubers.) I do get gender envy from some typically masculine guys (mostly based on voice), but I get it most from guys who present themselves in a more feminine way. My issue is that I wish I could be feminine in the way that men are feminine, above being masculine in the way that women are masculine. That’s quite the predicament, because it also comes with sometimes struggling to differentiate envy and attraction.
Let’s move on to gender euphoria. Gender euphoria is the joy and satisfaction that comes from presenting yourself in a way that matches how you perceive your own gender. It comes from things that make you look or feel like how you want to based on your gender, versus your gender assigned at birth based on your sex.
Now for some things that give me gender euphoria:
- Wearing lots of jewelry of all kinds
- Accessorizing with chains
- Wearing dark colors
- Having short hair and tying half up
- Wearing baggy/loose clothes
- Wearing eyeliner
- Being referred to with they/he pronouns and gender-neutral/masculine words
- Sick voice
Despite being constantly faced with gender envy as I go about my day to day life (boo), thankfully I have found lots of things I can do or wear to bring me some gender euphoria (yay). Wearing jewelry helps a ton, especially chunky chains, cross earrings, and many many rings. Born with an obviously female body that often gives me a lot of dysphoria (cry), it helps a lot to wear loose, baggy, and oversized clothing. Wearing tight fitting clothes just makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time. No fun. Not swag.
But do you know what is fun and swag? Being referred to with gender-affirming language! It’s the best! Both in terms of pronouns, and typically gendered language like those below.
Dude, bro, king, prince, your highness, captain, gentleman, handsome, cool >>>>>>>
Girl, girlboss, queen, pretty, beautiful, cute <<<<<<<
Finally, I absolutely hate being sick and I have immense anxiety surrounding getting sick, but there is one good part about it: the deep sick voice. The gender euphoria is through the roof, let me tell you. I love it. My throat hurts, but I love it.
Well, that was fun to write, and hopefully somewhat entertaining to read, or maybe even a little enlightening or educational for those that don’t know much about what it’s like and how it feels to not be cisgender.
Stick around because there will be 9 more blog posts coming this semester! I hope you’re doing swell and being kind to yourself. Figuring out your identity and expressing yourself to match however you feel can be fun and fulfilling! Try to approach it with that mindset if you relate to this post or some of my other content.
Until next time, stay swaggy my dudes. I love you very much and I’m proud of you for existing, because sometimes existing can be exhausting.
With love,
PJ <3
(they/he/she)
Photo Credits:
Image 1, Image 2, Image 3, Image 4, Image 5
First of all I love how personal your style of writing is! I can’t believe I didn’t see you blog at all last semester but I must say, reading your post made me feel extremely comfortable. I’ve never really thought of gender envy before, I’ve definitely thought of it as a concept- wanting to present yourself in a way that may not “typically” match up with your biological sex, but to a put a name to it was very enlightening to me. I loved how honest you were about the things that you are particularly envious or euphoric about, it definitely added to the comfortability and open tone to your post!
Thank you for your response! I’m glad you enjoyed my writing, and I really appreciate you saying how comfortable my tone made you feel. That has been one of the main goals of my blog! 🙂
Love that this is the first post of the semester! I’ve mostly used these phrases interchangeably but now knowing the differences makes a lot of sense? Sending love your eminence PJ >:)
Thank you, sending love right back at you captain Kenny. o7
I really really enjoyed reading your take on gender envy and gender Euphoria. As a non-binary person I am constantly looking for things that connect with me and things that will help me express the vague concept of gender that I have created in my tiny little pea brain. I also found your lists of things that give you gender envy and euphoria really interesting. While I do love having the sick voice that makes my tone uncharacteristically deep, I find it compelling how we differ in the way we express gender. When I get gender envy I think of black youth and women, those who wear crochet tops and skirts, carry around green, white, brown, and blue accessories, those who style baggy earth-toned outfits, muscles, and other things in that nature. While I do wish to present more masculine some of the main things that give me gender euphoria are when my hair shrinks to the right volume or length after a wash day, when my piercings match my outfits, wearing crystals and jewelry, and wearing cargo pants with masculine crop tops. I’m excited to read more about your take on queer topics throughout the semester!
Thanks for your comment Ash, and thanks for sharing the things that make you feel gender envy and euphoria! Yeah, it is super interesting how we experience similar things but in very different ways. I’m glad we agree on at least one thing though: the sick voice >>>> I hope you come back to read the next one!! 🙂
I love this topic! As a fellow member of the LGBTQ+ community, I always love to hear about and support my peers. Keep up the wonderful work!