10-14-18
Memorandum For Capt. April M. Santos, Nittany Lion Battalion, State College PA
Subject: Leave of Absence
Security: Classified

Captain Santos,
I have contracted a basically fatal illness and request a leave of absence from physical training for this week.
Thank you,
-Cadet Wright

The above is a never before seen, recently declassified memorandum from the Department of The Army. Who knows what this is from or what else they are hiding from us.

Actually, that is a slightly paraphrased and maybe a little bit dramatized version of the memo that I wrote to my commanding officer on Sunday night. No I do not have a fatal illness but I do have a bad case of the coxsackievirus. Its scarier than it sounds and I am recovering well but you are probably wondering what all this has to do with the title of this article.

On Friday the 12, I spent the entire morning sulking and managed to inch my way over to University Health Services where I received the diagnosis. I promptly went back to bed where I resumed my two day long hibernation when at a about 1600, my roommate woke me up. Under normal circumstances, I would smite, I mean reprimand, him for his transgression but I was not quite up to strength and also wondering what gave this man the gaul to pull me out of my vegetative state. Cadet Kavka then reminds me that we are to report to the South Side of the IM building in 20 minutes to form up for the Homecoming Parade.  I had completely forgotten about the parade and I swear on Baby Jesus that in my diseased and foggy state, yelling and marching through the streets of State College was the epitome of the most definite and absolute last thing I could possibly want to do at that moment.

None the less, my feelings of pride and love for Penn State soon overcame the discomfort of my affliction and gave me a set of wings as I proudly donned my Army Combat Uniform (and drank a bottle of DayQuil coupled with approximately 1800 mg of ibuprofen).

Cadet Kavka and I made it to the field in time and in the Army’s typical hurry up & wait fashion, we had an hour until we needed to actually form up and start marching. Though I literally looked like a leper, the medicine had begun to take affect and talking to my buds made me actually kind of happy to be there.

The hour went by quickly and soon we were formed up and ready to go. While our Navy ROTC brothers marched behind us, stoically shouldering their rifles in silence as they marched in step, we sang cadences the entire time. For those who don’t know what a cadence is, the classic “I don’t know what I’ve been told…” is an example of a cadence. You have most definitely seen it done in any Army movie before.

The MSIIIs or juniors were charged with being the cadence callers. The thing about a cadence is, they keep the formation in step, that is, they ensure that everyone’s feet are hitting the ground at the same time. The only thing the caller has to do, is keep the rhythm of their song. This is a ridiculously simple task that is still somehow screwed up by the high drag juniors but maybe I am being too hard on them. It is probably much harder to call cadence when you are before the formation but who knows. All I know is that when Im a junior, my formation will be marching to Buttercup Baby or Mo Bamba. 

Marching in uniform as part of the parade was actually a proud moment. The kids loved us and old timers were thanking us for our service which is kind of them but always a little awkward since we are hardly soldiers yet. Regardless, I was happy to do it and I wish my mom was there to see it.