If you have ever asked a cadet or a midshipmen from any of the branches offered at Penn State what the difference between say Army and Marines, or Navy and Air Force is, the response will most likely be something along they lines of “we are better.”

Yes, we are all on the same team but there is an extreme sense of rivalry between all of us. Each of the armed services has their own “espirit de corps” and culture of excellence which gives each of us an extreme sense of pride and a conviction to constantly remind other branches why ours is better.  I am good friends with midshipmen from the Navy and Marines, as well as Air Force cadets and never can we have a friendly conversation that does not devolve into us arguing why one branch is better than the other.

At the end of they day, we all have love for each other and know we are all integral pieces to the military. With that, I’d like to break down what each branch does and how they work.

The Air Force- The Air Force used to be part of the Army until they split off in the fifties, they also used to fly planes. Now they sit at computers and stay in hotels. Every AirForce barracks is complete with an ice cream machine and a massage chair. In fact, the Penn State Air Force Cadet Lounge has a bed in it! Then again, the bed is necessary. The average airman weighs 90 pounds when they are soaking wet and running once a week like they do really tires them out. The Air Force wears dashing baby blue uniforms which are reminiscent of mall cop uniforms. Every Airman I have met is way too enthusiastic most of the time and has a 5.0 GPA.

The Navy- The NROTC at Penn State is very disciplined in their drill and ceremony and their workouts are apparently really hard. But this makes sense, you know, you have to be really fit to stand on the deck of a ship all day.

The Marines- I have a deep respect for Marines and I was once heavily considering doing Marines instead of Army but then I had a rethink. One thing the Marines have going for them is the coolest uniforms in the entire military, they are sweet. Whenever discussing the difference between the Marines and Army with a Marine midshipman, he will tell you that the Marines are always the first to fight but he will fail to mention that they are dwarfed by the size of the Army and the lack Airborne Units, Delta, and Rangers. Marines on average are usually about 20 pounds heavier in muscle than the average cadet but are usual about 15 IQ points short. The Marines also love crayons.

The Army- The Army is the best branch in the military. You can do anything in the Army from being a veterinarian to lawyer to an airborne Ranger. The Army has the best equipment, the best units, the best soldiers, and is the envy of all the other branches.

That has been my unbiased, and purely factual synopsis of each branch. I hope this has cleared any confusion.