Op-Ed: fuck. Fuck. FUCK. I made too much pasta sauce

|By Zoe Kehs|
Ohhhhhh man. Oh man oh man oh man. It all happened so fast. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just didn’t know the power that little jar had.
Let me start from the beginning. Friday night. Date night. Party time! Which for me means a bowl of pasta. Now, while I do consider myself a pasta guy, I still eat a reasonable amount of pasta. Sure, it’s more than a seven year old would be served of those SpongeBob shaped mac and cheese, but I’m not a goddamn dinosaur.
I boiled my pasta like usual. Al dente. Boy was it going to be good. It was gonna be perfectttttt. That’s when it all went wrong. I poured my pasta out and I decided to use the same pot to heat some sauce up. Not a lot. Just enough to cover the noodles. Cause you KNOW, I crave that Alfredo. And it was good Alfredo, too. Not that Great Value brand shit either. No no no no. This was Papa Bernard’s. He’s the father of great sauce for a reason.
It happened so fast. My hand tilted at the slightest angle. The sauce poured out at lightning speed. I just wasn’t fast enough to stop it.
There it was. My pot. Filled with sauce. That bastard was already hot, too. I didn’t want to pour the sauce back in and make an even bigger fool of myself. I thought it would be fine. The sauce is the best part right? Who cares if there is too much?
Oh boy, was I wrong. That pasta was saturated in sauce. The sauce seeped through every hole, into every crevice, completely soaking the pasta and ruining any structural integrity that was there.
Needless to say, my night and my meal were ruined. Please, for the love of God, portion out your pasta sauce correctly. Don’t become like me.

 

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