STATE COLLEGE, Pa. — Students returning to campus this year residing in North Halls were greeted with an empty cavern beneath their dining hall pay station where trays used to reside. You heard right — Northside Buffet located in Warnock Commons has gone tray-less for this 2019-2020 school year. Gone are the days of reaching down — ID clutched in hand, wallet dangling from wrist, books nudged in arm crook, phone falling out of pocket — to find your fingers comforted by the smooth ridge of a gray plastic tray.
While many students seem to resent this sudden abolishing of trays, one student in particular, Wally Bleeker (sophomore-plant sciences major), has made his anger apparent.
“No trays? NO TRAYS? Just fuck it all then, I guess!” Bleeker was heard shouting in the dining hall last Tuesday as he reached to grab a tray and was made aware of the new tray-less initiative. “Fine! No trays! Well who needs plates then, eh?! And cups? Must be for the weak!”
Bleeker then proceeded to the hot buffet station, where he was served a heap of mashed potatoes and a filet of unspecified fish on a plate. Once handed the plate, however, Bleeker dumped the food into his hands and promptly dropped the plate back on the buffet station ledge in front of him.
Subsequently making his way to a large central table, Bleeker let the food slide off his hands onto the previously crumb-laden surface. Bleeker then marched to the drink machine and filled his hands with root beer, clumsily making his way back to his chosen table, leaving a sticky trail behind him.
No present student was able to comment on the event; each supposedly too preoccupied watching Netflix on their iPhones to note Bleeker’s outburst.
