In our last newspaper we conducted a profile on Walt Disney and his fascist and racist beliefs but after the The Disney Corporation bought Phroth, they told us to redact that article. Disney is the best!

Any mistakes in previous editions were a test, for you, the reader. Your failure to recognize them is a microcosm of the larger failure that is your bleak existence. We will not apologize.

We greatly apologize for this. Harrisburg, PA is not known as “The Gateway to the West” or “The Sin City.” Its actual nickname is “Pennsylvania’s Capital City” which is boring as fuck.

In a recent newspaper article, Phroth reported that Elizabeth Warren was of Native American ancestry. We apologize for that. Pretty fucked up she hasn’t yet, though. Somewhere in last year’s publication you may have found a key that we claimed would unlock the secrets of the Phroth office. Unfortunately, we have recently discovered that it actually just unlocks my grandmother’s fridge.