STATE COLLEGE, Pa.- Penn State student Dylan Robinson (Freshman, Finance) recently tried to bring his new girlfriend to the Berkey Creamery last Tuesday after an otherwise successful second date. However, their relationship quickly went up in flames after Robinson made the shocking realization that he had accidentally brought her to the similarly named Berkey Crematorium.
Robinson attributed the error to the fact that the Crematorium is located on Curtin Road directly adjacent to the Creamery, with an identical storefront and lively outdoor dining area.
“I think it was a really dumb idea for them to put the two so close together,” said Robinson in an interview with a Phollegian reporter shortly after the incident. “Someone’s bound to get it screwed up.”
Robinson’s now ex-girlfriend, Ashley Stone (Freshman, Criminology), claims that she had never been so fired up at anyone before in her life.
“I was expecting a nice relaxing date, and instead of the smell of delicious ice cream, I’m surrounded by the stench of burning corpses and the heartbreaking wails of mourning loved ones,” she said, brushing the remains of an 80-year-old woman off of her clothes.
Some sources argue that it is not entirely fair to blame Robinson for his mistake, seeing as an average of nine freshmen are accidentally incinerated annually after mistakenly wandering into the Crematorium. In fact, surviving the common error is often considered a rite of passage for incoming Penn State students.
Everyone can certainly agree on one thing: it was a sure-fire way to ruin date night.
