By Keith Meenan
WASHINGTON – While many have theorized it before, D.C.-based think tank, “ThoughtGrab,” has determined once and for all that life is one big joke.
Despite the fact that this statement could potentially attract the ire of some of the more serious members of humanity, Chief Scientist, Noah Slovin, confirmed that all available data supports this theory.
“I can’t claim to be thrilled with the discovery, but the science is all there,” said Slovin.
He continued, “I mean, I’m a scientist. If I knew this beforehand, I probably would have been a clown or something. But I suppose I wouldn’t have discovered this if I was a clown. Huh. I guess life is kinda funny in that way. Also in all ways.”
The ranging data varies, from the neutron, electron, and proton supporting the rule of threes, to a recent archeological find revealing the first documented human death was a man falling down the ancient equivalent of a manhole.
When asked what sort of joke life could be classified as, Slovin said, “I suppose a farce kind of fits. Although all of our data shows life isn’t haha funny but more so a musing sort of funny which doesn’t particularly fit the mold of farce.”
“Overall, while we can determine that life is indeed a joke, our next step will certainly be to lock down the classification.”
Some have been upset enough over this development to start anti-humor organizations.
One of the fastest-growing of these organizations, Brigade Upholding The Thoughtful Sciences Using Creative Knowledge Endemic to Respectable Society (B.U.T.T.S.U.C.K.E.R.S), has been especially critical of this apparent discovery.
Founder, Arthur Dinkydumpydoopydoo, said at a recent rally, “I went to my doctor and I said ‘Doctor! Are my tears a joke? Are my triumphs a joke? Tell me!’ Well, the doctor said to me, ‘Trouble keeping it up, eh?’”
“These are the men we have decided to put our trust into. Remember this next time you hear some so-called scientist tell you life is one big joke.”
However, the organization has been in hot water as of late following a recent public appearance in which Dinkydumpydoopydoo flashed the Queen of England during his tour of Britain.
When asked for a statement, Dinkydumpydoopydoo denied all intention, describing the incident as being “the result of an unfortunately and illogically heightening series of events involving a mixed up suitcase, a wanted poster for a master jewel thief with a more than passing resemblance to me, and the circus being in town.”