By Ava Wendelken

NEW YORK – According to a new survey conducted by Penn State’s department of sociology, over half of all business majors have experienced seeing their fathers turn into the Green Goblin after drinking a serum made to make him stronger. 

“Honestly my home life has been kind of bad lately,” volunteered one survey respondent. “My dad and I have always had a pretty distant relationship. Then he started yelling at himself in the mirror when he thought I wasn’t home and flying around on a big green glider. He would also do a weird goblin voice even though it was like, c’mon, you and I both know that’s not really how you normally talk.”

Researcher Sadie Miller has observed a stark trend in her data points, indicating that there’s some real validity to the finding that many business majors have had the experience of realizing that their father is the Green Goblin terrorizing New York City. 

“We’ve noticed an epidemic of absentee fathers in this demographic. A whole generation of sons has barely met their fathers because their fathers are millionaire scientists who drank a vial of an experimental performance drug that made them really strong and crazy.”

However, a notable portion of business majors surveyed has reported a distinctly different familial experience.

“I actually can’t relate to the goblin thing at all,” wrote an anonymous survey participant. “My dad was a nuclear scientist who created a compact but unstable nuclear reactor that went haywire and fused metal octopus arms to his spine. He’s on disability now and it’s pretty hard on my mom.”