By Ava Wendelken NEW YORK – According to a new survey conducted by Penn State’s department of sociology, over half of all business majors have experienced seeing their fathers turn into the Green Goblin after…
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By Keith Meenan CHICAGO – In the latest rebrand, McDonald’s will be retiring long-standing mascot, Ronald McDonald, in favor of a new original creation: Tommy Shrub, the mime with an undiagnosed chemical dependency. Ronald McDonald,…
By Michael Trojak WASHINGTON – Due to combined public and private factors and policy changes, carbon emissions and plastic waste from major companies are proving to not be enough to keep on track to destroy…
By Michael Trojak HOUSTON – George Dartmit, high cult priest of Lakewood Churches Satanic Summoning Division (LCSSD), who asked for the anonymity of both himself and his employer, has spoken that Lakewood Church theorizes that,…
By Harry Wendelken Friends, Little Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Little Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred in…
