Now let’s be honest, no one can keep their cool 24/7. Or at least I can’t. But I plan on offering a few ways of regulating your emotions (especially in times that may literally infuriate you) to make sure you can have the most zen possible at all times.
Psych Central explains that emotional regulation is important due to its ability to limit anxiety, enforce emotional intelligence, and build stronger connections with others. It is important to be aware of your feelings so you can convey them to others and so you can assist others with their own emotions.
For starters, you have to recognize the emotions you’re feeling and what’s causing them. This may not always be easy to do because of something we call ‘arousal misattribution’ (contributing feelings to the wrong cause). This concept is well-explained in an article by Practical Psychology. It’s not always easy to dial in and figure out what is really generating the feelings you experience. When I face this difficulty, I try to spend some time by myself to work through this. With this being said, too much time alone can form a kind of personal echo chamber which doesn’t do much good either. While being mindful and alone is not bad, it’s also good to be conscious about ruminating on something too long to the point where it becomes a source of stress.
After you have clarification on the cause of your emotions, it is time to cope with them. Mental Health America claims this is now the time to think and then to seek help. This part could look very different based on the individual and the situation. Sometimes it might just mean talking to someone you trust. Personally, I find a good rant can always be comforting but doesn’t always offer a genuine solution. You should think about possible solutions, find which one would do the most good, then pursue that resolution. Maybe this means starting a new conversation, taking more time for yourself, or reaching out for help.
I think it’s very important to note that although there are millions of ways to cope, not all of them are necessarily helpful. As long as you aren’t turning to harmful methods, I encourage trial and error to find what methods seem the most helpful to you and help you make the most progress.
Remember, the overall goal for this emotional regulation is to become more in tune with your feelings and to better convey them to others. You want to be able to make deeper connections with others without giving up your mental stability and mental health. So even though it would be nice to always be able to solve our own issues, there are always resources to seek help. By building deeper connections, you are also providing yourself with more trusted resources to turn to when things just aren’t able to be handled by yourself. Emotional regulation is more a journey then a destination so don’t expect it to be a walk in the park. Progress isn’t linear, but don’t let this be a set back. And as always, stay zen my friends.
I really like all of the tips and insights you gave! If only it were easy to implement… but you mentioned that progress is not linear and that is very true. Personally, I lack zen in my life because I am always on the go and don’t really have time to sit down and focus on myself and everything going on around me. Is there a good way to go about this for someone who is living a very busy schedule?
Sara,
I don’t know how I never read your blog before right now! I love this topic. Personally, I have to remind myself to stay zen or work through regulating my own emotions all the time. Especially in high school, I would get anxious over one or two little things, and I would let it build up until it became an actual breakdown. Coming to college, I wanted to stop engaging in that kind of harmful behavior, and I think I have improved a lot. However, I need to remember to remind myself to slow down and say my newfound mantra–”it’s never that deep”–whenever I feel that same anxiety. I like how you acknowledged that not every method of emotion regulation will work for everyone, because I know that’s true. Whenever I get upset and tell my dad, he immediately wants to look for solutions. For me, this is not initially helpful, because I know I look more towards comfort. I think finding my own zen has been a journey I am not yet finished with, but am working towards effectively. My favorite ways to slow down lately are to do some yoga or take some deep breaths and talk to a friend who can support me emotionally.