That awkward moment when someone I know asks me, “Remember that time, like 10 years ago, when you and I were hanging out with [insert two familiar names here] and [one of those familiar names] fell off of [insert some random object] and you laughed so hard that your drink came out of your nose?”. It makes me laugh but I shake my head and tell them that I do not remember that happening at all. The person will then continue to explain more about that day to try and spark my memory. “Remember…. You were wearing a white shirt and said something about how your drink would stain your shirt, but that the laugh was definitely worth it.” I still shake my head and tell them I really do not remember it.  Things like this happen to me quite frequently. I have friends that remember something like it happened yesterday and I have absolutely no recollection of the memories. Every once in a while, when they try to trigger my memory, I will remember something basic about the situation, like the fact that I was there, but definitely not anything specific.

To add to it, studies say that someone can remember their first memory at around 3 years old, and I do not remember anything that early. The first thing that I remember is when I was 5 and I broke my arm. I may have a few scattered memories here and there that could be from when I was younger but I cannot recall how old I was specifically. I remember most of the things that influenced my life emotionally, like when my mom and I moved to Colorado or when I started a new school. I do not have what our lesson referred to as flashbulb memories that are super vivid or detailed from before the age of about 20, just the general memory. I have no issues learning anything for school, or remembering conversations I had with someone about things like work, I remember the day my daughter was born, or first day of basic training but there are so many other memories, especially autobiographical memories that just aren’t there. For those that have seen the movie “Inside Out”, those memories have turned grey.

I believe that my lack of memory or my lack of recall on memories is simply my personality. There is nothing that I have gone through that was physically, mentally, or emotionally scarring that I would have subconsciously tried to block out parts of my life.  I have a healthy relationship with my parents and had a very nice childhood. I just think that I make and keep my memories based off things that have affected me emotionally rather than just memories in general. Some of the memories that I do have are memories that I can picture simply because I have heard the stories so many times. Hey…if I can’t remember them and really enjoy them – at least there is someone else that can.