Promoting Political Parity in Pennsylvania:
CAMPAIGN FINANCING AND GENDER DIVERSITY
On January 21st, 2021, the first female vice president of the United States, Kamala Harris, was sworn into office (Bleiweis and Phadke). Though monumental, the fight for equal representation for women in politics in the United States is far from over. Of the nation’s 244-year history, no woman has served in the nation’s highest office. Political parity, or equal representation of both male and female representatives in legislative bodies, remains comparatively low in the United States. According to the Organization for Co-Operation and Development (OECD), the global average for women in politics stands at a disappointing 27.9% of governing bodies. In the United States, however, only 19.4% of governing bodies are made up of women, 8.5% less than the global average (OECD). Additionally, when ranked with a political parity score (between 0 and 100 – where 100 signifies equal representation at all levels of government), the United States received a grade of 17 (Vogelstein and Bro).
While equal representation varies across states, political parity in Pennsylvania pales in comparison. The lack of women in legislative bodies, on both the national and state level, is the result of several factors. However, campaign financing laws, or lack thereof, serve as barriers for women in politics and, thus, a proactive approach is necessary to address the abysmal and unequal female representation in Pennsylvania.
Does the introduction have a clear point and thesis? Is the thesis obvious?
Does the intro set up the issue brief to address the thesis?
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
I think the title is good and offers a glimpse into what the paper will be about. If you want to add a more creative flair with the title, you could definitely do so as well.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence? Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
It responds to exigence because it speaks on the recent induction of Kamala Harris, and the fact that the US is currently lacking in terms of parity. The statistics about parity are very important to your introduction because it shows why there needs to be changed.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
I think the would be very strong if it mentioned a specific policy proposal along with it. This could just be a quick, descriptive sentence about the “proactive approach”. the formatting is great, however.
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
I like the title. I think it demonstrates what you’re going to be talking about throughout your brief, and also has some nice alliteration.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence? Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
It definitely connects to exigence since the first woman vp was just elected into office and the feminist movement is very prevalent still today.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
I definitely think your thesis is strong and that you will have a lot to discuss in regards to policies over women equality.
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
I really like your title. It is straightforward and describes exactly what you will be discussing while simultaneously using alliteration to catch the reader’s attention.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence? Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
Your intro definitely responds to exigence. You discuss Kamala, as well as political issues we are seeing currently when it comes to women. You provide relevant statistics and discuss and issue which is very much prevalent in today’s political society.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
Your thesis is good as well, I agree with Dan in that perhaps you could introduce a more clear cut policy… Also, I think the “however” may be a bit awkward to start your thesis with. I would make it more declarative and maybe less of a segue from the previous thought.