Furthering Hydrogen Development
The human race is facing perhaps its greatest challenge to date: creating reliable energy that mitigates the harm done to the Earth’s environment. With the rise of Tesla and other electric motor companies, a clear path seems to lie in the hands of lithium-ion batteries. However, another prospective solution to the energy issue lies in the most abundant element in the universe: hydrogen. Hydrogen has been proposed as a fuel for vehicles in various applications, and it holds promise as a viable substitute for petroleum fuel. Yet solutions related to hydrogen power and its infrastructure are not developed at the same high level that electrical power is progressing. To ensure that the best solution is obtained, institutions such as universities must further the research and development of hydrogen power and the infrastructure associated with hydrogen.
I think that the title definitely ties directly into the thesis of your paper, and it offers a way forward on the issue. It feels perhaps simplistic, but it certainly gets the job done, and I do not have an issue with that. If I were to suggest a change to your title, it would be somehow tying the exigence into it, just to provide more context for the solution outside of a vacuum.
I think that the title doesn’t necessarily respond to an exigence, but the introduction as a whole certainly does. Using phrasing such as “The human race is facing…its greatest challenge to date…” definitely makes the issue pressing and relevant to readers–especially with a growing knowledge and appreciation for “green” energy. On the whole, I think that this part is solid.
As far as I can tell, your thesis appears to be focused on providing a call to action for universities to expand upon their hydrogen power research. This is a clear argumentative claim, but I might be interested in seeing a peak behind the curtain on how you plan to convince universities to do so. As of now, the introduction reads like it is targeted to institutions that have authority over universities, not to the heads of universities themselves–to me, at least, this means that the argument might center itself around how higher ups can convince universities to expand on hydrogen power research, as opposed to acting as a piece that is itself meant to convince universities to expand on hydrogen research. If that is what you are going for, then I think you’re in a good spot. Otherwise, the tone and target audience may need to be evaluated a bit more.
I think the title could use a bit more improvement. Mainly making it more specific. In my opinion the title is a little to vague and could be referring to many topics under hydrogen power development.
I think there is some exigence when you talk about how hydrogen is underdeveloped as a technology. However I think you should include some points on why hydrogen needs to be developed further.
I think your thesis statement is very good. It clearly states the purpose of the paper, and that is to convince institutions to conduct more hydrogen research and technology development.
1. The title is clear but it can be longer to add more detail, giving the report a much better introduction. The best way to write a title for a report is probably using the “short phrase: description of report” format.
2. There is a clear exigence that we need to be using more sustainable sources of fuel, which is where hydrogen comes into play. In your report, you can go more specific as to why exactly other sources of fuel are harmful to the planet.
3. The thesis statement is clear, but there is not much of a policy that is being addressed or pushed to be issued. You stated that institutions should further research hydrogen power, but that is not a policy. Instead, you could state that policymakers should issue a mandate or a policy that could increase funding for universities in the research of hydrogen fuel.