Opinions: Where, When and Why

A huge part of the socialization process is the feedback we receive after doing or saying something. People love to give their opinions on everything they possibly can, especially if it does not align with yours. One of my favorite things to read is the opinion section of newspapers, they are relevant, interesting, and generally tasteful (depending on the newspaper). My least favorite type of opinion is an unsolicited one. Whether it be on Facebook, from an old relative, or someone preaching about the ways they live their lives, unsolicited opinions and advice are super annoying and more often than not, not fully thought through.

Which leads me to question why do not individuals like unsolicited opinions? People that share their opinions have a genuine concern and want to help you make the best decision possible. It seems to me that we dislike other’s opinions because it is almost an assertion of dominance in a certain area of expertise over our lives. We all desire to make our own choices. Most often times people offer you advice it is because they are suggesting that you should do something differently, which can be offensive.

“They suggest that the advice, justifiably or not, comes across to us as one-upmanship, or assertion of dominance, or criticism, or distrust, or failure to consider our own unique goals and priorities.”

Often times it is the delivery of the unsolicited opinion that brings about its negative connotation. While reading some people’s opinions is entertaining, they are often flawed. Unsolicited advice from loved ones can be especially threatening, because of our strong desire to please those persons. By complying, we may be signaling our future willingness to subordinate ourselves to the other person’s will. The conflict between complying (to show our love) and not complying (to assert our freedom) creates frustration, and frustration leads to anger.

www.psychologytoday.com

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