Everybody loves to read classic fairytales, which in many ways, makes us feel like kids again. So, in this blog, I explore many fairytales and adapt their story lines to be more reflective of our own generation and the issues we face on a day-to-day basis. Hope you enjoy!
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived three little pigs named Xavier, Galan, and Clark. The three little pigs were ready to begin their journey to college, but there was one problem: they couldn’t afford a dorm room. So before they began their travels, the three little pigs resolved to build their own homes.
“Don’t forget to build your homes before the weather gets bad!” shrieked Mama Pig as the three little pigs hurried out the door.
Some days passed, and the three little pigs continued to procrastinate on building their homes.
“Build your houses! You know how unpredictable the weather is out there!” scolded Mama Pig.
“But Mom,” squealed Clark, the youngest of the three, “we still have a month of summer left!”
“But still,” Mama Pig replied, “you remember your poor father? He never paid attention to the weather and before he knew it, the big bad storm was after him, huffing and puffing and blowing his house down. All that was left of him—I can hardly say it—was a pile of sausage links! You never know what big bad storms can do out there!”
“C’mon Ma, we got like a month left. Jeez, just chill,” muttered Galan, the middle child, in an air of rebellion.
“Don’t you dare use that tone against me, Galan!
“Mama’s right,” Xavier, the eldest of the brothers, remarked gruffly, “we should listen to her. I’m going to start building my house tomorrow.”
“That’s my favorite boy!” Mama Pig said beaming with pride as Galan and Clark rolled their eyes. “Get your brothers to do the same!”
The next afternoon, Xavier shut himself in the HUB and began planning the layout for his home. Of course, Galan and Clark resisted their mother’s warnings and spent their time chasing women, instagramming their experiences, and streaming Facebook.
“Look Galan, Wayne’s in a relationship with Raven! This is like his third girlfriend this week!” exclaimed Clark while going through his newsfeed.
“Lex posted his pictures from the party!” Galan said, liking the picture. “Come here, Xavier! Come see the pictures!”
“Can’t you see I’m drawing the layout for my house?” Xavier barked, troubled by his brothers’ lack of initiative. “The measurements for this house are the parameters for its success. I have to make them perfect; otherwise, it won’t stand a chance. Anyways, I don’t have the time for all your nonsense. Why don’t you stop wasting your time and start working on your houses before the erratic weather comes around?”
Gavin shrugged, “Nawh, man. We have time.”
Weeks passed and Galan and Clark were still deeply engrossed in watching YouTube videos of the VMA’s, going to parties, and tweeting. In the land far, far away, where they lived, however, the weather was known to be extremely temperamental, having the ability to defy weather forecasts and cast a grim shadow of doubt on every passerby who stares up at the sky. Legend had it that the skies on these college grounds were controlled by a celestial force named Magneto, who had the ability to change weather in a matter of seconds, from rain, to hail, to sun, to snow, to sleet, to fog. But it was still summer, so Galan and Clark rid themselves of any stress and continued with their leisure activities.
Meanwhile, Xavier diligently began building his home brick by brick. Glancing over to Galan and Clark, Xavier sighed and shook his head is dismay. “They’ll be screwed.”
The next afternoon was a quaint summer day with delightfully optimistic weather reports. As Galan and Clark embarked to go to the creamery, they felt a gust of wind blow from the east. Galan shivered and nudged Clark. “Dude, maybe we should get started on building our houses. It’s pretty cold.” Craving some Peachy Paterno ice cream, Clark replied, “You go ahead. I’m going to get my ice cream.”
So Galan began the trek south when he eventually entered McLanahan’s and met Gary, the storekeeper.
“Hello, Galan! Can I help you with anything? I hear the weather’s going to be an unpredictable one this year. News is that Magneto’s going to be pretty vicious this time around!”
Galan rolled his eyes, “Oh that’s what they say every year. It’s never that bad.”
“Well, you better start preparing, son. Look what happened to your father…” Gary warned ominously.
“All right, Gary,” muttered Galan. “He sounds just like my mother,” he thought to himself. Walking down the aisle, Galan spotted a pile of wooden sticks. “Ah, just the thing to build my house with!” Grabbing a few dozen sticks, Galan went to the front to pay.
“Building your house, I see. Are you sure these sticks will be sturdy enough?” inquired the cashier. “How about using some bricks, like your brother? You should get them while they’re still in stock.”
“Nawh, bricks take too much effort. I like the sticks. Besides, I don’t get what all this fuss about the weather’s about. It’s never that bad.”
“Okay, well I’m just letting you know,” the cashier said with a smile as Galan left the store.
“And today we’ll have a high of 90 and a low of 76. Perfect weather for any of your summer time activities!” Clark heard on the TV as he ate nutella and cookies. He stepped outside the HUB when he was struck by a heavy gust of chilly wind. Clark started to get worried. “Maybe this could be a bad one…” he thought to himself as he sprinted to McLanahan’s as fast as his stubby pig legs could carry him.
“So what’s on sale, Gary?” Clark heaved as he walked in.
“Well, we’re sold out of wood, bricks, sticks, and nutella, but we do have a pile of hay.”
With limited time and depleted options, Clark purchased the hay, reassuring himself that nothing would actually happen. Since a hay house was easy to build, it gave Clark plenty of time to watch another season of “Big Bang Theory” before starting construction. He smiled and said to himself, “This shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours…”
In the meantime, Xavier finished building his study brick house, complete with a lovely fireplace to keep him warm from the turbulent weather and blistering winds. While Xavier sat by his fireplace watching “How I Met Your Mother,” Galan worked ruthlessly to finish his home. “This is tougher than I imagined,” thought Galan as he delicately placed one stick on top of the other. “But once I’m done, this will be impenetrable” he mused. With the weather becoming extremely erratic, Galan finally finished his stick house and sat inside. Checking his twitter feed, Galan read all the tweets from the past hour, amused by how many #collegeweatherproblems #noumbrellaintherain #toohotforajackettoocoldforacardigan problems his friends were facing. Turning off his phone, Galan lay down to take a much-needed nap, thinking, “Once I wake up, this thing will blow over and we’ll have actual summer weather again.”
Little did Galan know from up above, Magneto was stealthily watching, enraged by his nonchalance. “Just wait and see. In a few days, I’ll huff and puff and blow his measly house down!”
Three days passed and Clark could certainly feel an atmosphere suggestive of Magneto’s wrath. Despite it being summer, trees swayed from side to side, the lights flickered ominously, the skies cast a dark glow, and it became unbearably cold. Feeling the rush for time, Clark hastily clumped his hay together and stacked the tied bundles on top of another. “It won’t matter…The storm should only be a small one, anyways,” Clark assured himself. As night befell, a quilt of black clouds blanketed the skies and the city felt empty.
That night, the three little pigs settled in their homes, Xavier in his house made of bricks, Galan in his house made of sticks, and Clark in his house made of hay. Clark was playing Xbox, oblivious to the roaring winds outside his home. Suddenly, the lights began to flicker. The furnace made vicious sounds, and an eerie silence engulfed the home. “This is getting kind of creepy. I should call Galan to see how he’s doing,” he thought. Before he could do anything, a large tree slammed into the wall and the lights shut off. Everything was pitch dark. Groping around for a flashlight, Clark stumbled over the wires, books, and clothes that were scattered messily all over the floor. Opening his bedside drawer, Clark pulled out his flashlight, pressed the button, only to realize that the battery was out. “Damn it! I forgot to buy more batteries!” cried Clark in the dark. The winds were getting even stronger in what was supposed to be summertime, and he was a scared. Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door.
“Little pig, little pig, let me in,” a voice said.
“Wh-who’s th-there?” stuttered Clark.
“It’s me, Magneto,” the voice replied.
“I’m n-not scared,” said Clark, squeezing himself into a ball.
“Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to huff and puff and blow your house down!” A gust of wind rammed into the house, and the walls of hay came crashing down. When Clark peeped out from under his hand, he saw nothing put little pieces of hay scattered around him. He yelped, jumped, and started running as fast as his stubby pig legs could carry him up the road to Galan’s house.
Galan was just playing solitaire when he heard Clark calling outside. “Galan, Galan, help!”
Panting, Clark cried out, “It-it’s Magneto! He’s coming after me!” Burying himself in Galan’s arms, he cried, “Galan, I don’t want to end up as a pile of sausage links!”
Galan replied, “It’s okay. You’re safe here. Magneto can’t do anything to us.”
“Sure I can,” a voice called from just outside the door.
All the blood drained from Galan’s face.
“Well? Aren’t you going to let me in?” called the voice outside.
“No!” screamed Clark and Galan.
“Well, then, I’m going to huff and puff and blow your house down!” The winds picked up, slamming against the walls. The ceiling creaked and the roof flew off the house.
Galan and Clark hugged each other. Soon, the house was nothing but a pile of sticks. “Quick!” shouted Galan, “To Xavier’s!” Down the road they went, running as fast as their stubby pig legs could carry them.
Comfortable in his home, Xavier stretched out on his chair and was reading “50 Shades of Grey”. He was on the third chapter when he heard Galan and Clark calling, “Xavier, Xavier! Hurry! Get us in before Magneto gets us!”
“Oh, god. I knew this was going to happen,” Xavier muttered. Getting up, he walked over and let his brothers in.
“Magneto blew our houses down! He’s coming to get us!” cried Galan and Clark.
“Well, that’s what you get for procrastinating!” rebuked Xavier, infuriated by his brothers’ stupidity.
“Little pigs, little pigs…” Magneto called from outside the window. Galan and Clark crouched beneath Xavier’s bed, their faces pale and trembling with fear.
“Open up, pork chops! I’m going to come get you!” roared Magneto. The three little pigs lost all feeling in their squiggly tails, carefully retreating into a corner. Ignoring their wails, Magneto huffed and she puffed and the trees shook. Drawing in a lungful of air, Magneto blew with all his might. The air slammed into the walls, and yet, nothing happened. The house stood sturdy and strong. “This time it will tip, “ thought Magneto. He huffed, and He puffed, but the house did not budge.
With this, Magneto left the premises furiously, destroying everything in his path. The three little pigs jumped for joy. This time, Galan and Clark would be diligent, preparing for everything well in advance. “No more hay and sticks, guys!” smiled Xavier and the three little pigs lived happily ever after.