staff writer: noelle bodenheimer

Disclaimer: The advice provided in this article is intended to offer support and guidance for navigating challenging family dynamics and/or interpersonal conflicts during the holidays, but it may not be suitable for every individual or situation. Readers are encouraged to consider their own unique circumstances and seek professional assistance if needed. 

The end of the semester is rapidly approaching. While we are all trying to get back into the swing of things after a week of no classes, many students (me included) are counting down the days until December 8th. Whether you are stressing over final presentations, projects, or your Learning Fair presentation, we are all ready for the semester to be over. But not all of us are looking forward to the break. 

Sometimes, the extended break and holidays approaching can be more stressful than cramming for final exams. While this time of year is often regarded as jolly, joyful, or magical, some of us view it more as overwhelming, challenging, and even distressing.  

People who don’t have a supportive family environment may feel isolated during the holiday season. The lack of positive relationships can make it hard to find comfort during a time that is often associated with family and togetherness. For those of us dealing with family issues, this time of year brings up painful memories and perpetuates existing emotional strains. Complex family dynamics make it difficult to be cheerful when you feel like you are walking on eggshells.  

When the holidays are hard, here are some of my strategies and resources that I hope can help you too.  

Validate your Feelings: 

This is crucial because there may be many different mixed emotions during this time. Validating your feelings means you are recognizing and acknowledging the reality of your emotions. I know it may sound silly but saying “It’s okay that I feel this way” out loud helps me. You are allowed to feel however you need to and you are valid. It’s okay to feel lonely, angry, or sad – we are human. Try your best to acknowledge and accept your emotions rather than place judgment on them.  

I understand that this can be tricky and that a lot of the time it may seem easier to suppress or deny these feelings, but it can also lead to increased stress, anxiety, and other negative impacts on your mental health. Validating your feelings helps normalize the range of our emotions. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to experience a wide spectrum of feelings, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel in each situation. 

Seek Support: 

If you know me, you know that I am very open about talking about therapy. A lot of people believe that therapy is only for people with severe mental illnesses, but you don’t have to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety to talk with someone. It also isn’t a sign of being weak or of an inability to handle your problems. If anything, therapy is a sign of strength and self-awareness. It takes courage to confront challenges and work towards personal growth with the help of a mental health professional. 

Penn State’s Counseling and Psychological Services, known as CAPS, provides a variety of options to help assist students in overcoming personal, academic, and/or crisis situations that could negatively impact their progress and success. Click here learn more about services provided or how to make an appointment with our campus counselor, Amanda Collins (aln165@psu.edu).  

Whether it is a licensed therapist or your best friends, having someone that you can share your thoughts and feelings with can be beneficial when trying to work through tough times.

Create boundaries: 

This time of year is often associated with large gatherings, seeing distant relatives, and sometimes uncomfortable situations (and sweaters). It is especially important to set clear boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being. This might include limiting contact or specifying certain behaviors that are not acceptable. For example, if certain topics of conversation consistently lead to arguments or discomfort, set a boundary by specifying the subjects that are off-limits. Politely redirect the conversation or communicate that you prefer not to discuss certain issues. Trust me – I understand that this isn’t always easy or effective. While you don’t know how they might respond, I believe this is another step in validating your feelings.  

Let’s Talk Coping Mechanisms 

Coping mechanisms are ways to help manage or cope with stress, challenges, and complex feelings. Coping mechanisms help to navigate challenging situations, personally they help me understand and manage my feelings in a healthy way. Not all coping mechanisms are beneficial in the long run – which I am sure we all could name the most well-known worst coping mechanisms. But as to not focus on the negative, I wanted to share a few good coping mechanisms.

Hobbies are by far the most fun. I have recently been putting way too many hours into playing games on my Switch.

I highly recommend Mail Time – a cute, relaxing cottagecore game where you deliver mail to woodland critters. Another personal favorite is Mario Kart 8 – specially I like drifting. I also like to find new short series to watch. Last weekend I binge-watched season one of Deep Fried Dynasty on Hulu.

Side note, if anyone wants to take a trip to the Texas State Fair next year to try deep-fried peanut butter & jelly and turkey leg from Smokey John’s Barbeque, please reach out.

Other examples of coping mechanisms that have a positive effect on your mental and physical health include exercising, journaling, deep breathing exercises, and practicing positive affirmations. Everyday my partner asks me, “What is one thing that made you smile today and what is one thing that made you laugh?” While I didn’t think much of this simpIe inquiry, I started to look forward to telling him, so I would make mental notes about all the things that caused even a slight smile or a little laugh. While in 30 years I might not remember seeing that cow run alongside my car on the way to campus Monday morning that made me smile from ear to ear, but it did serve as my reminder now to enjoy the little things. No matter how hard that day may have been, remembering the tiny little moments that made me temporally smile make even the worst days not seem so bad.  

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

When navigating the complexities of family dynamics and personal struggles during the holiday season, it’s crucial to recognize that everyone’s experience is unique and that this time of year can bring about various emotions. Remember, it’s okay to feel the full spectrum of emotions, and validating these feelings is a crucial step towards self-acceptance. Seeking support is an act of strength, and professional assistance, such as Penn State’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), is readily available for those who may benefit from it. 

As the holiday season unfolds, remember that you come first. Take the time to prioritize self-care, seek the support you need, and embrace coping mechanisms that contribute to a sense of balance and resilience. The journey through challenging family dynamics and interpersonal conflicts may not be easy, but by acknowledging your feelings and accessing available resources, you empower yourself to navigate this season with strength and self-compassion.