The concrete is cracked. Pockets of moss and weeds are attempting to crawl out of the cracks and sprawl across the cracked concrete. The ball bounces unpredictably on the uneven court. The rim is slanted ever so slightly to the left, but it makes a colossal difference. The chain nets are rusted and the clinking sound they make is off-putting. None of it matters. The background – the bustling, organized chaos of downtown Louisville, Kentucky is entirely tuned out by the 3 dollar earplugs that are becoming used to blasting J Cole’s songs on a consistent basis. An awkward, skinny, young Ryan Coughlan is playing basketball by himself outside. As I describe this long-ago situation right now, it feels almost like a hazy, unconscious state to me more than it feels like a memory. However, I know for certain that I was happy – as happy as I can be. If I told you a relative or friend had just unexpectedly died, or I’d just been roughed up in a fight, or I’d been yelled at in class for being “too chatty”, you wouldn’t be able to tell. All of these things and more happened, but none of it mattered in my happy place. It was my escape from reality for a few hours. Whenever I needed to get away from the stress of everyday life, I went to that court, cranked up the music, and played basketball by myself. This hobby started more than 10 years ago, but I still do it today – and I’m thankful that I found it.
Outline of body:
Find your happy place. More importantly, use it. Everyone experiences stress in their lives. Some of us are hard-headed and don’t like to admit when we’re stressed, but everyone has to deal with it and it isn’t always easy. Everyone needs their basketball court – whether it’s the cracked concrete and chain nets at the park near home or the lustrous hard maple of an indoor gym. If you can discover the activity that makes you step away from life and just enjoy the present, life becomes a whole lot more enjoyable.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
1. Each of the stories you seek to tell in your essay/podcast all have their own conflict. Most are personal conflicts as you seek to find ways to deal with loss or difficult times in your life.
2. Arrangement. 10/10. The intro was fantastic. Your descriptions of the court were amazing and I could see every detail so clearly.
3. I think you opportunities for defining yourself as a chracter will come through the stories that you tell in the middle of your essay.
4. I think the belief is great and not at all cheesy like you thought it would be. It is relatable and specific but it also offers advice to the audience which is great.
5. So far, you’re knocking it out of the park (or should I say the court) with your descriptions and as long as you continue your strength in detail in your stories you’ll be good to go.
6. In your outline you give four events in your life that you plan on describing in your essay. I think your third point about “Sometimes better to be alone than play with others” is unnecessary compared to the other stories. Three is probably plenty and the other three seem much more significant.
I think that your essay was more about solving a conflict rather than focusing on a particular conflict. Your belief helps you to solve conflicts that you are faced with and de-stressing when life gets too much.
In terms of arrangement, I think that your introduction was very engaging and your conclusion was well written. I liked the analogy of everyone finding their own basketball court. I thought your overall arrangement was good and easy to follow.
In terms of deeper characterization maybe add what first drew you to the basketball court if there was something that made it special to you. Also expand on your examples of times in your life that drew you to that place and how that helped you.
I thought that your belief matched well with your story. It was clear what your belief was and how you have applied it to your life.
I thought the beginning of your essay was very descriptive. I felt like it gave more insight into who you are. For example, the music you like to listen to and where you grew up. I would maintain the same level of description in your future examples because they help the listener/reader to understand you more.
One thing that I would add to your essay would maybe be the first time you remember realizing what your time alone playing basketball meant to you and how that helped you overcome the stress in your life. Another maybe circle back to your belief at the end of your essay to remind the reader/listener. Overall, I thought you did a great job!