A 19 year old steps foot on campus as a freshman ripe with vigor and enthusiasm. They’re ready to take on the world. They want to make friends at their new home for the next 4 years, so they turn to Greek life. One night at their fraternity of choice, they’re forced to consume more alcohol than they can handle. They drink until they pass out, and then they die. This is a familiar story. In fact, at least 2 college students have died as a result of fraternity hazing and have made national headlines in the last month alone. Over the past several years, over 50 young men and women have tragically passed away because of the drinking culture associated with Greek life hazing. Countless more have been affected by the toxic culture involved with the hazing. How many people will die before change is made? If strict federal mandates can be enacted before more deaths occur, college students lives can be saved and tragedy can be avoided at any number of universities across the country.
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1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
The title makes the issue that will be discussed clear. But, the title does not offe a way forward. It does echo the paper’s thesis.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence? Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
The piece’s title and introduction does respond to exigence as there is a discussion of the current state and issues regarding the fraternity and pledge process. It is very clear that this issue is pressing but there is a lack of connections to the needs, There is no full suggestion on what to improve upon.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
The thesis setps up a clear argument but lacks laying out a direct claim about what is to be done. What mandates will be put in place? I’m not sure how the rest of the argument will be set up.
I’m interested to see what kind of mandates you have in mind to combat this issue. It would definitely be relevant to many colleges, especially penn state.
1. The title accurately describes the purpose of the piece. A more specific title regarding what kind of intervention may fit better but i do like the title.
2. The introduction does bring up valid reasons to dive into this issue. The use of statistics shows how many are affected by the issue and how too many people die unessesarily. I would suggest maybe adding a couple reasons as to why people may submit to the hazing and talk about psychological factors involved but overall i think it is a good introduction.
3. While the thesis makes a claim it could be a little more specific as to what the mandate would actually require or enforce.