“Candice, how do I even do it? I’m already struggling.”
“You just do it. You’ll do it. You’ll be fine.”
The second enumerated AAAS 003 Core Value is “Surviving intellectually” and, in concept, the value comes as naturally to me as my own breath. For as long as I can remember I’ve been opportunistic. My mother always said that I was my grandmother’s daughter, that her intense work ethic had skipped a generation. But, for as long as I can remember, surviving intellectually to me was synonymous with surviving. The only way I could ever work was with my schedule packed, with my classes advanced, and with my opportunities optimized. For me, it was never about fluffing a resume or making my brand palatable – I just found that I thrived in high stakes and turbulence. I craved the feeling of excelling at the highest tier of all that I did. I yearned for the title “intellectual” the same way others might aspire to homecoming court. But that was high school.
“I want to tell you all about one of my students, Candice Crutchfield. She’s a sophomore from Northern Virginia and not only a Bunton-Waller student, but a Schreyer Student.” When Professor Nichols described Candice to our AAAS 003 class, I thought, for a moment, I was hearing my own reflection. I am a Freshman Schreyer and Bunton-Waller student. I am from Northern Virginia. And, before I’d heard of her, I’d been resigned to accept that the two other students I knew of in the dual programs were the only other people who would share this new experience with me. So, as soon as class was over I got her email from the professor and reached out to her. I swear my email could’ve been a Core Value Assignment – it was so long. I wanted to know all about her and where in NOVA she was from. I wanted to ask for advice, I wanted to ask her experience, I wanted to know everything about the scholar who sounded so much like everything I am and aspire to be. I can’t recall my final product email but I know it was a spewing of every stress I’d met since coming here.
As much as I can never admit it, I’d been stressing. In high school, school always came easy. But being ambitious in college is very different than being ambitious in high school. I’m still learning to balance the Schreyer workload, the emails, the activities, and the commitments. And even though I’m just starting, that core value, surviving intellectually, has become a new struggle for me. I’ve realized, more than ever, the importance of prioritizing academics to extra-curriculars – because a lot of the extra-curriculars here feel like academics. Talking to Candice made me realize that I am not the only one struggling with this. She told me that it all comes together, that it’s hard, but everyone finds their way. She sounds like me and looks like me – my reflection, but she’s doing things that I couldn’t even dream of doing