Spock vs. Legolas

spockolas

Welcome to Fandom Fight Force

I’m Mike Shanley of the Woodland Realm and live long and prosper!

This weak it’s a pointy-eared…pugilism?… an emotionless altercation?

Well, whatever it is, let’s BEGIN!

 BACKGROUND CHECK:

Spock is an alien who calls the planet Vulcan home. He is one of the most popular science-fiction characters of all time, originally being from Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek. Despite being an alien, Spock is actually half human (on his mother’s side) because marriage equality has gone where no man has gone before in the future. This allows for Spock to be incredibly logical (which prevents him from getting most dates on Earth) while still retaining a better grasp of his feelings (which wouldn’t get him anywhere on Vulcan). He’s either the dryest human you’ll ever meet or the most passionate Vulcan, take your pick. Spock is the 1st Officer aboard the USS Enterprise and Chief Science Officer. He was among the top of his class in the Starfleet Academy and is a widely respected member of United Federation of Planets. As a Vulcan, Spock posesses super-human qualities, namely that of intelligence and strength. As I mentioned before, Vulcans really don’t have emotions, so that allows for them to think logically and clearly. It is general knowledge that a Vulcan is more intelligent than a human, as their brains are made up of layers.

Much like ogres. And parfait.

Much like ogres. And parfait.

Vulcans are roughly three times as strong as a human. In fact, if the alien/fantasy race is NOT human, it’s generally safe to assume that they are stronger than humans, but I digress. One thing worth mentioning is that a Vulcan’s heart is normally where a human kidney is. Vulcans also have super-sweet hidden abilities: telepathy and Vulcan neck-pinch. The telepathy is not as powerful as, say, a Betazoid but Vulcans can sense strong emotions and they have the ability to “mind-meld,” a sharing of thoughts between two individuals. Neat abilities, but Spock’s most well-known and popular ability is the Vulcan neck-pinch. It is a move that renders the recipient unconscious in a matter of milliseconds by pinching the victim’s trapezius nerve clusters, or the base of the neck for those not making up science-fiction universes.

Legolas of the Woodland Realm has a dad, despite every time being introduced goes by “Legolas of the Woodland Realm” while his friends get “Aragorn, son of Arathorn,” but, y’know, whatever man, it’s no big thing. Legolas is an elf whose main roles in Lord of the Rings are to shoot arrows, not understand human emotions, shoot arrows, pull completely over-the-top stunts, shoot arrows, and be the serious one in the comedy duo that is him and Gimli. Generally, he became the mold for whatever super-intelligent, pointy-eared race of beings that humans have to interact with in fantasy or science-fiction settings. Elves are superior in most factors to humans. They can see and hear better than humans and have a general perception better than men as well. They are faster and lighter than humans, being able to move silently and without trace. The only thing that elves do not have over men is physical strength. That is something I didn’t know about elves until today. Thank you for being with me on this momentous occasion.

I don't think this needs a caption. I can't be a comedic genius ALL the time!

I don’t think this needs a caption. I can’t be a comedic genius ALL the time!

EQUIPMENT

Spock doesn’t have time for carrying bulky weaponry. He only really needs his wits.

Ok, well, maybe he’ll need a weapon. But really, that’s all he’s getting. Starfleet uniforms offer virtually nothing when it comes to protection. From anything besides gentle breezes and cuddly kittens. Spock carries with him a type-2 Phaser. This shots a concentrated beam of energy at a target. The type-2 has various settings, ranging from frappe to facebook poke. (In non-sleep-deprived that is Disintegrate to mild stun). The Phaser can also be adjusted to be a cutting tool or shoot a phaser “spread,” an attack that covers more ground but is much weaker. Besides that, he normally carries nothing else except a tricorder, but that isn’t so much a weapon as it is a gps/vitals machine/smartphone.

Legolas, on the other hand, has a whole lot more to bring to the pointy-eared party. Legolas is most famous for his skill with the bow. This bow, given to him by the Lady Galadriel, is known as the Bow of Galadhrim and is made of Mallorn tree wood and elf hair. According to the Lady Galadriel, this makes it stronger and more reliable. Regardless of whatever advertising gimmicks the elves actually use, Legolas’ bow is a force to be reckoned with. Legolas also has two long knives that he is proficient in using, should enemies come to close to deal with a bow. Legolas’ armor consists of not really much better than Spock’s to be honest. He wears a simple cloth tunic over what I assume is a leather jerkin and that seems to be as protective as he gets. I mean, if he were to even touch a helmet, it would ruin his beautiful locks.

If the elves would just chill about their hair and wear a helmet, the casualty rates would plummet.

If the elves would just chill about their hair and wear a helmet, the casualty rates would plummet.

RESULTS:

Spock:

  • Stronger
  • Smarter
  • Telepathic
  • Vulcan neck-pinch
  • type-2 Phaser

Legolas:

  • Faster
  • Perceptive
  • Heightened Senses
  • Bow of Galadhrim
  • Dual Long Knives

Here’s how I see the battle going down:

Spock beams down onto the planet Middle-Earth. Immediately he scans the area for signs of life. The tricorder responds positive but nothing can be heard, save the wind. He draws his phaser and moves forward. Just in time, because thwick! and arrow lands just where he was standing. He fires, set on stun, in the direction the arrow fired from. A confirmed hit as Legolas plummets from the tree he was sniping from. Spock approaches with his tricorder, “Fascinating,” he mutters to himself, surprised to see a similar reading as a Vulcan with fascinating differences. His fascination is ended abruptly when Legolas springs up and whacks Spock with his bow. Spock, just blocks the attack, having been pre-warned telepathically. The two exchange blows, Legolas landing many weaker hits while Spock lands a few powered hits. It is a rather silent and calculated fistfight. Eventually, Spock gets a hold on his opponent: right on the neck. Legolas begins to sink to his knees as Spock applies more pressure to the trapezius cluster. Suddenly, Legolas grabs an arrow from his quiver and stabs it into Spock’s side, just missing his heart. Spock releases and Legolas draws his dual knives and levels them at Spock’s neck. “Any last words?” Legolas asks. Spock looks calmly at his opponent, before pulling out his communicator, “Beam me up, Scotty” and vanishes before Legolas’ eyes.

Legolas is the victor! Spock made the mistake of getting into a close-quarter combat with Legolas, who’s just too skilled at fighting!

I had to put this somewhere

I had to put this somewhere

Thanks for reading!

Paper 2 Draft 1

Ask anyone who was alive during the 90’s with a TV who the “Science Guy” was and they would immediately respond by naming Bill Nye. What may come as a surprise to some people is that Nye is actually a very intelligent and respected scientist, an oft-overlooked fact as he hosted a child’s show on PBS. Bill Nye did not just stop at educating kids, he seems focused on now educating the world. Recently he has taken to debating public figures on various topics, and a few weeks ago that topic was evolution. At the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky, Nye went up against the head of the museum, creationist Ken Ham. This was a widely covered news story mainly because of Nye himself and the repertoire he has earned.

Just as there are two sides to every argument, there is also often two sides to every news story. Since the debate was so widely covered, many sources added their own spin as to how it went. Fox News’ article seems more interested in finding a ‘winner’ of the debate and focused a lot on the power behind Bill Nye’s star status. NBC, on the other hand, looked at the debate itself and focused on the remarks given by both debaters. The two sites show their subtle bias in the ways they present the articles.

What is the first—and sometimes only—thing that people read in articles? The headline. It is large, attention grabbing, and gives a general idea about the following article. The two headlines on the Creation/Evolution debate are no exceptions. Fox News went with the headline, “Bill Nye the ‘Science Guy’ debates head of Creation Museum on evolution, earth’s origin” and NBC chose, “Bill Nye wins over the science crowd at evolution debate”. There is clear bias going on in these titles.

Starting with Fox’s, the most obvious part of their title is the fact that “Science Guy” is in quotation marks. That is what Bill Nye went as when he was on TV, but the way that this is phrased does not seem quite right. It is hard to convey sarcasm through printed word, but using quotation marks is usually the popular choice. So already it seems that they are attempting to slightly diminish Nye’s credibility by harkening back to when he was a TV personality for children and sort of poking fun at that. Meanwhile, his opponent, Ken Ham, is not mentioned by name but instead is called “head of Creation Museum,” which seems pretty impressive next to “Science Guy”. One is the head of a museum while the other is a guy.

NBC’s headline is a much more gripping one. It is much simpler and yet more powerful because of one word: “wins”. It is giving the ending before starting so now the audience wants more. More importantly it shows who the clear favorite in this article will be. The second piece of evidence is the fact that the debate mentioned is the “evolution debate,” not the “creation/evolution debate,” or something else along those terms. NBC is showing how throughout the article they’ll be backing the man in the bowtie.

The next thing a reader will look at is the pictures. People are naturally drawn to looking at pictures over reading. The articles, however do not show many pictures. Fox has a small slideshow that shows both debaters, Bill Nye, and then Ken Ham. The picture in which both debaters are present has the two men barely in the picture with only their heads poking up from the bottom. The picture is dominated by a slide in the background saying “SCIENCE” and then an accusation. It works for both sides, really. The word “science” catches the attention and Bill Nye comes to mind, while the accusation is in favor of Ham. The next two pictures contrast, favoring Ham. The shot of Nye is from far away and from an angle, making him seem smaller and not centered. This makes him seem slightly less significant. The picture of Ken Ham has him dominating the photo.

NBC has one large title picture of the Science Guy and then a video of the entire debate. With the title picture featuring a very impressive photo of Bill Nye it is once again clear who the favorite speaker is. In fact, Ken Ham can hardly be seen, even in the screenshot that the video is frozen at. In it, Nye is standing up behind his podium, giving his speech. Ken Ham is in the background, sitting down at a desk, hardly looking up. From the angle and quality of the picture, he looks like David Letterman. NBC made it hard to tell exactly who this man is, clearly showing their support for the Science Guy.

Just like any debate, an article can also have two sides. Of course, it is in the form of two articles, but they both cover the same event. Fox depicts Bill Nye as a victor only by popularity, almost mocking his 90’s stardom among elementary schoolers. NBC shows that they support Nye and almost have forgotten about Ham, were he not crucial to the article. They could have just titled the article in words of Bill Nye himself, “Science Rules!”

Paper 1 Draft 2

The holiday season is the prime time for quality advertising. Companies make the decision to go with quantity or quality. The Anchorman 2 ad executives decided to do something unheard of before. They would create quality Anchorman 2 commercials and make the broadcast equivalent of junk mail. In this Dodge Durango commercial, of all places, legendary fictional anchorman Ron Burgundy acts as spokesman for “last of the real SUVs.” The commercial plays upon other car commercials using a similar format as well as incorporating a beloved character into their ad. By having Ron Burgundy as their spokesman, Dodge parodies other car commercials in order to impress the audience with how very nice the Dodge Durango actually is.

In order to really sell a product, it is often helpful to use some sort of public figure or celebrity to really sell the product. This implements one of the three basic appeals a person can make while in an argument: ethos. The celebrity—in this case, Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy—describes the product and its many wonderful and amazing features. The audience responds to this because they know this oft-spoken-of person and know what sort of message this person carries.

The Durango commercial uses Anchorman’s anchorman for two reasons: to use his image to get the audience to make connections and to get the audience to laugh. For anyone who has not watched Anchorman, Ron Burgundy is a classy gentleman who is well-versed in the finer things in life. This is evidenced throughout the movie in his choice of suits, drinks, and music. He knows the right choices when it comes to looking classy and being successful. So when Ron Burgundy comes on screen and says that this is a beast of a machine and everyone should buy it, people will listen to him. The secondary reason for using Ron Burgundy is for his comedic appeal. Getting an audience to laugh makes them more receptive to persuasion (Thank You For Arguing Heinrichs). Ron Burgundy, with his 70’s style mustache and maroon suit already cuts a comedic figure. Anyone who has seen him before in Anchorman will already be thinking about his antics from the movie. The audience is now laughing, happy, and much more receptive. The hilarity continues when he gets mad at the dancers and chases them off-stage. The happy audience now feels more inclined to purchase this Dodge Durango.

In a very sneaky strategy employed by the folks at Dodge, the type of advertisement that they make fun of is actually incorporated into the commercial. Comparing the car being advertised to something of power or grace is a commonplace used in car commercials for years. Many different comparisons have been drawn, but a familiar one is the dancer. Another commonplace, a dancer is beautiful, elegant, powerful, and precise; exactly what a car should be. This appeals logically to the audience. The dancer, so graceful and elegant, being in close proximity to the car causes the audience to associate the dancer with the SUV. Also, in showing shots of the car as well as the dancer, it only helps the audience speed up the association process.  So even though the commercial pokes fun at other advertisements that compare cars to people, the audience still makes the connection that the Durango is in many ways like the dancers.

Even though the audience does make the connection between cars and dancers, Dodge still parodies those types of advertisements. There are a variety of ways why this is a good strategy by Dodge, Firstly, it once again invokes humor because normally in these types of commercials the narrator and dancers do not meet. This parody of commercials adds another element of humor to the advertisement, thus making the audience more receptive still. Secondly, his unexpected outburst at the dancers draws the attention to what Mr. Burgundy has to say about the great SUV he is selling. He becomes quite worked up that the dancers are there so his compliments are shouted. People listen to a man shouting. More importantly, by making fun of the commercials, Dodge is saying something along the lines of “look at this, we are not like other car companies. This is a special car,” because they broke the tradition and got away with it, the audience respects that and looks into it.

The Anchorman 2/Dodge Durango commercial is a fantastic bit of advertisement. It plays with commonplace of comparing cars to dancers by parodying it. It makes the car stick out by saying that it is different from other cars like it, but still says that it has these dancer-like qualities. It employs the ethos of Ron Burgundy to get the audience to listen even more to what he has to say, because he knows a good car when he sees it; his reputation precedes him. All in all, Dodge is saying that purchasing the Durango would keep a person living up to Ron Burgundy’s standard of staying classy.

Paper 2 Outline

Here’s the article:

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2014/02/05/head-creation-museum-debates-bill-nye-science-guy/

I don’t have a corresponding article but that’s in the plan.

  • Introduction explaining what the news story is.
  • Explain how both news sites give the same story but with different perspective
  • Analyze wording
  • Analyze pictures
  • Analyze context
  • conclusion

 

Ewoks vs. Na’vi

navi vs ewoks

Welcome to Fandom Fight Force!

I’m Mike “Yub Nub” Shanley and sngä’i!

This week’s mashup will be a Native Knockout: Ewoks vs Na’vi

BEGIN!

BACKGROUND CHECK:

The Ewoks. Those little teddy bears that George Lucas introduced to the world in Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi. In fact, the Rebel Alliance probably would not have succeeded had it not been for these guys. The Ewoks were mainly responsible for bringing down the 501st Legion– the Empire’s best legion– and allowing the Rebels to deactivate the Death Star II’s shield generator. Ewoks stand at 1 meter high (about 3 feet) and are roughly the same size and weight as a human child. They are strong for their small stature, as many of their weapons involve clubs and in order to build their structures, heavy lifting is required. Ewoks have a coat of fur that ranges in color from brown to black to dark brown. This allows them to blend in with their natural habitat of California’s Redwood Fore– er… the forest moon of Endor. As a side note (and I really do apologize for this): the Ewoks ruined Jedi. They did, it was doing so well… and then teddy bears massacred the Galactic Empire’s best legion. OF STORMTROOPERS. We’ve been over stormtroopers in the Han Solo mashup. They’re armor isn’t exactly paper. It’s designed to withstand most forces. Except the Force. Anyway, even if the Rebels had handed the Ewoks battle plans, how… just how… I mean they’re teddy bears! Why…? Well, at least they aren’t the worst thing that Lucas threw into his movies…

NO! NO! GET OUT! YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! Y'HEAR? DEAD

NO! NO! GET OUT! YOU’RE DEAD TO ME! Y’HEAR? DEAD!

The Na’vi. You know these guys: Smurf Pocahantas Cats? I think that sums up a Na’vi pretty accurately, don’t you? (Side note: Ok, Jar Jar Binks is staring into my soul right now… kinda freakin’ me out. And making me really mad. Sorry). Anyway, the Na’vi hail from James Cameron’s Avatar planet Pandora. Pandora would be more like the Amazon while Endor is Calfornia’s Redwood forest. The Na’vi stand at an impressive 3 meters (10 feet) high and a whopping 355 pounds (on Earth). Their tiger-striped blue skin is useful for blending in with their home turf of the blue-filtered rain forest or comic-cons. Most impressive about the Na’vi is their strange USB-braid that they use to communicate with all the animals that have USB slot-braids on Pandora. This allows them to mentally hijack everything from horses to dragons, and making a much more symbiotic and pleasant relationship than other alien-body-hijack processes.

Yeah, that's the exact same face the dragon made!

Yeah, that’s the exact same face the dragon made!

Similar to the Ewoks, the Na’vi were a primitive tribe of Smurf Iroquois when the big bad humans came in their big bad spaceships with their big bad guns and were, essentially, at the core of all this, both large AND negative. Then the righteous, morally superior Na’vi beat the humans (somehow) and everyone lives happily ever after.

TECHNOLOGY:

As we’re dealing with primitive societies here, it’s best to look at just how far they’ve come along in the tools and technology department.

The Ewoks, as mentioned before, use simple weapons like clubs. They normally wield stone tipped spears or clubs. They have developed archery, still using stone-tipped sticks as arrows. The truly spectacular thing about Ewoks is that, engineering wise, they’re incredibly advanced. In the Battle of Endor scene from Jedi you can see some of the remarkable things these cute little guys have built in order to bring death and destruction on the 501st Legion (Empire’s best. Just sayin’). Basic hunting traps: such as nets activated by tripwires, pit traps hidden under piles of dead leaves, and tripwires. But the Ewoks actually have technology similar to ancient siege weapons as well. They constructed was is essentially a battering ram made of 10-foot long logs that swing from the treetops to crush an armored vehicle into a pancake. And that is quite realistic: the Mythbusters tested it. That is no small feat for things with small feet. The Ewoks have also developed a simpler form of flight with their hunting hang gliders. These are used to fly above the trees and drop stones on their unsuspecting prey. Lastly, and probably most deadly, is that they have developed a neurotoxin that they tip their arrows in. This toxin spreads through the victims body paralyzing everything, even their lungs. It ensures a gruesome death indeed.

You came to the wrong neighborhood

You came to the wrong neighborhood

The Na’vi have gone the technological route described in the first line of the popular nursery rhyme: “sticks and stones may break my bones,” and then they left before they could hear the end. However, they are quite proficient with their stone tools, as their culture tends to revolve around everyone knowing how to hunt. Also, we cannot forget their cool ability to mind meld with any animals that have a USB port in their head. One thing, although not technological, should be mentioned that I forgot to mention earlier. The Na’vi have a skeleton structure of a similar material makeup as carbon fiber. This makes their skeleton much stronger than both a human and Ewok skeleton.

OUTCOME:

The way I see it, there are a few outcomes actually. In order to level the playing field, let’s say that a group of warriors from each of these two civilizations were dropped into your average, everyday generic Earth forest (but not a California Redwood one). Because if they were to fight on either of their home turf, the visitors would lose. So generic Earth forest, and just so that they can use all their resources, it’s stocked with Pandoran animals.

INSTANT FIGHT:

In this scenario, the two groups are dropped into the Earth forest and immediately the fight begins. The Na’vi would send a group to go find some sort of Pandoran animal to help them out while another group would go to do some reconnaissance on the Ewoks. The Ewoks would send out some of their scouts, who would have better camouflage than the Na’vi, as more of our foliage is brown than blue. The remainder of the Ewoks would begin their defenses. Unfortunately, at this point, the Na’vi have probably found horses or, worse for the Ewoks, dragons and are mounting a full-on assault on the Teddy Bear Picnic. The fight would be swift and deadly.

Exactly like this. But with more Cyan Mohicans riding dragons

Exactly like this. But with more Cyan Mohicans riding dragons

SEIGE:

Ok, so say, instead of an instant fight in this arena, it’s more maybe a Hunger Games rather than Gladiator. Say that the two groups are given time to prepare for the ensuing battle instead of just rushing in to end it as quickly as possible. Given preparation, a group of Ewoks could easily defeat the Na’vi. So the Na’vi would essentially go about the same plan as before and so would the Ewoks. However, this time, the Ewoks have much more time than say the 1-2 hours it takes for the Na’vi to find and then bond with their dragons or horses. Even with a day, the Ewoks could make enough pit traps and trip wires– relatively simple constructions– to effectively reduce the Na’vi’s numbers when they eventually come riding to their attacks. Then it’s only a simple matter of using those poison arrows to bring this Blue Man Group to their untimely demise.

"Our arrows will block out the sun. And then we'll sing cute tribal gibberish as our enemies asphyxiate"

“Our arrows will block out the sun. And then we’ll sing cute tribal gibberish as our enemies asphyxiate”

Link vs. Aragorn

aragornlink

Welcome to Fandom Fight Force!

I’m Mike “Z-Target” Shanley and let’s hunt some Orc!

This week’s mashup will be a Battle of Blades: Link vs Aragorn

BEGIN!

BACKGROUND CHECK:

Link hails from the mystical land of Hyrule. Technically speaking, in every Legend of Zelda game, Link is the reincarnation of the legendary Hero of Time. However, every game has him learning the same moves and essentially doing the same thing: save the Princess Zelda (and ergo the kingdom) from the evil clutches of Gannondorf. Link grew (grows? It’s hard dealing with all these different Links.) up as (usually) a simple farm boy. He realizes his destiny when one of his friends goes missing and someone hands him a sword.

Because old guys in caves are usually the ones you can trust with weaponry

Because old guys in caves are usually the ones you can trust with weaponry

Link is a very agile swordsman. Many of his moves involve leaping, spinning, rolling, and flipping. Sort of like the medieval equivalent of dodging, ducking, dipping, diving, and…dodging. He is able to do these acrobatic moves because he uses a one-handed sword and shield. Link, being a Hylian (and a mystical reincarnated one at that), has a limited amount of magical ability. This grants his attacks a little more oomph and the ability to cast a few spells: mainly a fireball and a magic shield. A common mechanic in the games is the Z-target ability (a revolutionary mechanic for videogames, because I know you all were wondering) that allows him to lock onto a single target and deliver accurate attacks on that target. Translating this into real life would be basically saying that Link has heightened senses beyond a normal human and especially keen eyesight.

Aragorn is a Dunedain Ranger from the northwestern area of Middle-Earth known as Arnor. He is the long-lost descendant of Iisildur, the ancient king who sliced off Sauron’s ring finger that allowed the good guys to win the war hundreds of years ago. Aragorn was raised by the Elves of Rivendell until he became of age when he went to become a Ranger. Rangers are very skilled survivalist warriors. Think Robin Hood mixed with Tonto from Lone Ranger. Aragorn is a hardy man who knows his stuff on how to survive. He also knows how to camouflage effectively and move silently. Aragorn is more than proficient at swordplay. Normally, he fights with his two-handed sword, Anduril (“Flame of the West” in Sindarin)and deals massive amounts of damage with it.

That's right ladies, I know the name of his sword AND the name of the Elvish language. I can also recite Shakespeare in Klingon. Too far? Dang...

That’s right ladies, I know the name of his sword AND the name of the Elvish language. I can also recite Shakespeare in Klingon. Too far? Dang…

Aragorn can usually be found leading glorious armies of men against the evil forces of Mordor in climactic, finale-like battles. Aragorn cuts through numerous amounts of Orcs in these fights and lives through every single battle relatively unscathed. A few cuts and bruises but nothing major like a limb hacked off or anything like that. What can be gained from this? Besides from figuring out that, yes, he’s a main character it can be gleaned that Aragorn is extremely perceptive about his environment. If he can go through battles against thousands of Orcs and live through, then I’d say he was medieval Spiderman.

EQUIPMENT

Since Link’s items change from game to game, I will pick only the ones that remain constant.

Link is in possession of many an item, and when you see that he isn’t wearing a backpack, that makes it even more impressive. Link’s sword is the one and only Master Sword, a sword specifically designed for slaying evil beings. Beings whose names begin with “G” and rhyme with “Pannendorf”. Link carries a Hylian Shield, a shield that is virtually indestructible. Link wears no other armor, but his Peter Pan costume can be upgraded to withstand fire and allow him to breathe underwater, so for all intents and purposes, let’s say he’s fully loaded. Like any good blonde, pointy eared, fantasy hero, Link carries the Hero’s Bow. The Bow can fire a variety of arrows: normal, fire, ice, and light. The bow requires both hands however, so he becomes vulnerable when firing. Another long-range weapon is his boomerang

No...that's not... that's just not how it works (xkcd 8/17/11)

No…that’s not… that’s just not how it works (xkcd 8/17/11)

Really, it’s just a boomerang. It always returns, though, which is more than I can say about my boomerangs. Link is like a walking armory. He packs heat in the form of classic old-timey bombs. You know the ones: they look like bowling balls that someone stuck some string in. He carries a few of these to pack an extra punch. Lastly is something Link never leaves home without: the fan-favorite Hookshot. Think of it as a mechanized grappling hook. It can pull Link to somewhere or pull something towards Link, depending on the weight of the object.

Aragorn’s armory is much less impressive. Aragorn’s sword (as mentioned before) is the mighty Anduril, Flame of the West. This sword is a whopping 53 inches long (Link’s Master sword is only about a 36). This greater length gives Aragorn a good advantage over his enemies. Aragorn also carries a small hunting knife about 8 inches long. He can be very quick with this knife, having stabbed an Uruk-hai just before being beheaded, and also blocking a sword that also would have beheaded him. Aragorn normally wears a chainmail shirt that blocks all but the fiercest of attacks, shoulder plates, forearm plates, shin guards, and toughened leather pants. This allows him a nice blend of mobility and protection. His wilderness survival knowledge from Ranger-ing has taught Aragorn to always carry some athelas paste that can rapidly cure wounds and invigorate the user, like combining Neosporin with Gatorade. Ew. Whatever you don’t think of Neosporin-flavored-Gatorade. Eugh. Anyway, the last bit of equipment that Aragorn carries with him is a longbow. Although it can’t fire fire arrows, Aragorn is a crack shot with the bow, being able to shoot an Orc’s eye through a crack in the door. Why can’t that be an idiom?

RESULTS:

Link:

  • Master Sword– Smaller, more mobile
  • Hylian Shield– indestructable
  • Assortment of gadgets– bombs, bows, boomerang, hookshot
  • Acrobatic
  • “Z-Target” Senses

Aragorn:

  • Anduril– longer, better reach
  • Armor
  • Knife and bow
  • Very perceptive– “medieval Spiderman”
  • Stealth

I think the winner here is the Hero of Time: Link. The two are pretty matched when it comes to swordplay, so the issue comes with outwitting the other. Aragorn’s stealthy Ranger ways are nullified by Link’s Z-Targeting. Then Link would be able to bomb the guy from here to Valinor.

Then he rides into the sunset while Aragorn starts applying his Neosporin Gatorade

Then he rides into the sunset while Aragorn starts applying his Neosporin Gatorade

Thanks for reading!

Advertisement Paper Draft 1

The holiday season is the prime time for quality advertising. Companies make the decision to go with quantity or quality. The Anchorman 2 ad executives decided to do something unheard of before. They would create quality Anchorman 2 commercials and make the broadcast equivalent of junk mail. In this Dodge Durango commercial, of all places, legendary fictional anchorman Ron Burgundy acts as spokesman for “last of the real SUVs.” The commercial plays upon other car commercials using a similar format as well as incorporating a beloved character into their ad. By having Ron Burgundy as their spokesman, Dodge parodies other car commercials in order to impress the audience with how very nice the Dodge Durango actually is.

In order to really sell a product, it is often helpful to use some sort of public figure or celebrity to really sell the product. This implements one of the three basic appeals a person can make while in an argument: ethos. The celebrity—in this case, Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy—describes the product and its many wonderful and amazing features. The audience responds to this because they know this oft-spoken-of person and know what sort of message this person carries. The Durango commercial uses Anchorman’s anchorman for two reasons: to get the audience to laugh and to use his image to get the audience to make connections. For anyone who has not watched Anchorman Ron Burgundy is a classy gentleman who is well-versed in the finer things in life. So when Ron Burgundy comes on screen and says that this is a beast of a machine and everyone should buy it, people should listen to him.

In a very sneaky strategy employed by the folks at Dodge, the type of advertisement that they make fun of is actually incorporated into the commercial. Comparing the car being advertised to something of power or grace is a commonplace used in car commercials for years. Many different comparisons have been drawn, but a familiar one is the dancer. A dancer is beautiful, elegant, powerful, and precise; exactly what a car should be. So even though the commercial pokes fun at other advertisements that compare cars to people, the audience still makes the connection that the Durango is in many ways like the dancers.

Even though the audience does make the connection between cars and dancers, Dodge still parodies those types of advertisements. There are a variety of ways why this is a good strategy by Dodge. Firstly, it draws the attention to what Mr. Burgundy has to say about the great SUV he is selling. He becomes quite worked up that the dancers are there so his compliments are shouted. People listen to a man shouting. More importantly, by making fun of the commercials, Dodge is saying something along the lines of “look at this, we are not like other car companies. This is a special car,” because they broke the tradition and got away with it, the audience respects that and looks into it.

The Anchorman 2/Dodge Durango commercial is a fantastic bit of advertisement. It plays with commonplace of comparing cars to dancers by parodying it. It makes the car stick out by saying that it is different from other cars like it, but still says that it has these dancer-like qualities. It employs the ethos of Ron Burgundy to get the audience to listen even more to what he has to say, because he knows a good car when he sees it; his reputation precedes him. All in all, Dodge is saying that purchasing the Durango would keep a person living up to Ron Burgundy’s standard of staying classy.

Introduction Paragraph Revision

In order to be an Olympic athlete, a tremendous amount of hard work, time and energy has to be invested. This work ethic is similar to that of the hardest job in the world; being a mom. Proctor and Gamble’s “Olympic Mom” commercial draws upon this well-known fact in order to portray how important a mother’s job is. The commercial utilizes the virtues and emotions related to moms to influence the audience to purchase these products.

Snow Day Fun

  1. I prefer the “Eminem and Chrysler”‘s introduction paragraph. It is much more concise than the other two paragraphs. Normally, I enjoy a verbose style, as it’s my preferred writing style, but this paragraph was descriptive and clear with its points. Lastly, the way it presented its commonplaces was very clear and understandable.
  2. I quite like the organization of “Olympic Mom” mainly because it starts with generalizations and then narrows down the focus. The first body paragraph is an explanation of a common theme that everyone knows. It even has the word “universal” in the first sentence.
  3. I would have to say that “Olympic Mom” captured my interest the most. Mainly it was the style that piqued my interest. I just enjoyed reading the words that were put in front of me because it was written in a very casual and friendly style.
  4. In this Dodge Durango commercial, of all places, legendary fictional anchorman Ron Burgundy acts as spokesman for “last of the real SUVs.” The commercial plays upon other car commercials using a similar format as well as incorporating a beloved character into their ad.
  5. By having Ron Burgundy as their spokesman, Dodge parodies other car commercials in order to impress the audience with how very nice the Dodge Durango really is.

In order to really sell the Dodge Durango, Dodge presents an advertisement featuring everyone’s favorite mustached anchorman, Ron Burgundy, to play on other car commercial formulas to show the appeal of the Dodge Durango.

Paper 1 Outline

So I decided to go with the Anchorman 2 Dodge Durango commercial.

I think I’ll mainly by focusing on Ron Burgundy’s ethos and what his character brings to the party.

Also the logical connection we can make between the car and the dancers. Despite the fact that Ron chases them off.

The concept that the car is far superior to the dancers because of the whole way the commercial plays out.

That’s all I can think of for now…