Snow Day Fun

  1. I prefer the “Eminem and Chrysler”‘s introduction paragraph. It is much more concise than the other two paragraphs. Normally, I enjoy a verbose style, as it’s my preferred writing style, but this paragraph was descriptive and clear with its points. Lastly, the way it presented its commonplaces was very clear and understandable.
  2. I quite like the organization of “Olympic Mom” mainly because it starts with generalizations and then narrows down the focus. The first body paragraph is an explanation of a common theme that everyone knows. It even has the word “universal” in the first sentence.
  3. I would have to say that “Olympic Mom” captured my interest the most. Mainly it was the style that piqued my interest. I just enjoyed reading the words that were put in front of me because it was written in a very casual and friendly style.
  4. In this Dodge Durango commercial, of all places, legendary fictional anchorman Ron Burgundy acts as spokesman for “last of the real SUVs.” The commercial plays upon other car commercials using a similar format as well as incorporating a beloved character into their ad.
  5. By having Ron Burgundy as their spokesman, Dodge parodies other car commercials in order to impress the audience with how very nice the Dodge Durango really is.

In order to really sell the Dodge Durango, Dodge presents an advertisement featuring everyone’s favorite mustached anchorman, Ron Burgundy, to play on other car commercial formulas to show the appeal of the Dodge Durango.

Paper 1 Outline

So I decided to go with the Anchorman 2 Dodge Durango commercial.

I think I’ll mainly by focusing on Ron Burgundy’s ethos and what his character brings to the party.

Also the logical connection we can make between the car and the dancers. Despite the fact that Ron chases them off.

The concept that the car is far superior to the dancers because of the whole way the commercial plays out.

That’s all I can think of for now…

The Incredibles vs. The Fantastic Four

incredibles vs fantastic 4

Welcome to Fandom Fight Force

I’m Mike “Flame On” Shanley and where’s my super-suit?

This week it’s the Super Family Feud: The Incredibles vs The Fantastic Four

BEGIN!

Ok, well actually before we BEGIN, because this is a group vs group battle, I’ll be pitting the separate members against each other based on their powers and whichever team has the most victories wins. Okay, now that’s all out of the way… BEGIN!

Mr. Incredible vs The Thing

 Mr. Incredible is perhaps the most powerful Super in Pixar’s Superhero universe. His power is his incredible strength. This comes with all the benefits: super jump, super durability, super invulnerability, dental.

Molar-Man keeps his identity secret to protect his family from Plaqueman

Molar-Man keeps his identity secret to protect his family from Plaqueman

Mr. Incredible works out by bench pressing freight trains and has punched one of Syndrome’s Omnidroids roughly 20 feet. However, despite being super (see above) he can still be harmed. Syndrome’s Omnidroid cuts through his super-suit and skin. He stopped an incoming train, but it still bruised him up. Whenever explosives are introduced, Mr. Incredible, like most sane people, get the heck out of there.

Benjamin Grimm, also known as The Thing, is one of the more souped-up-superheroes in the Marvel universe. Exposed to cosmic rays when he and the rest of the Fantastic Four visited space, he was mutated into the giant rock-thing we know and love today. The Thing’s entire body went through a mutagenic process that increased the toughness and density of his musculature, bone structure, internal organs, skin, and anything else I forgot to mention. His powers include basically the same thing as Mr. Incredible: super strength, super durability, super stamina, immortality, and 2 weeks vacation. The Thing has lifted oil rigs, stopped 30,000 ton multi-story buildings from falling, and held a bridge’s main cables for an extended period of time with each supporting about 10,000 tons. His skin prevents most injuries and the only thing to cut it is Wolverine’s adamantine claws.

Winner: The Thing. Statistically, The Thing is just stronger and tougher, being a rock monster and all.

Elastigirl vs Mr. Fantastic

Elastigirl’s ability is spelled out in her name. She’s elastic. She is able to reach a maximum stretch of 300 feet and a minimum thickness of 1 mm. That’s a sheet of paper as long as a football field. Imagine playing the Superbowl on that! (It wouldn’t change anything, would it? Yeah… this is why I’m not doing a sports blog.) Anyway, besides from her flexibility that would make Olympian gymnasts jealous, Elastigirl’s molecular makeup combined with her super-suit make her bulletproof as well as resistant to explosions.

pfft. That's nothing.

pfft. That’s nothing. Try braking a toe.

 As an added bonus, Elastigirl can also shape shift (like when she turned into a boat and a parachute) and support massive loads up to 10,000 pounds, roughly the weight of a Winnebago or half a triceratops. Even though she is an expert at hand-to-hand combat, like any human, blunt force can knock her out.

Reed Richards, aka Mr. Fantastic (what is with these super heroes and picking vague adjectives as their names?) is the leader of the Fantastic Four. His powers come from the cosmic rays that shot through him when in the spaceship he designed and built. His maximum stretching distance is 1,500 feet and minimum thickness is 1 mm. He can also contain explosions by wrapping around them but it is a physically exhausting task. He, too, is bullet-proof and can ricochet the bullets in any direction.  He can support loads up to 1,000 pounds and can support more but under extreme conditions and not without hurting himself. Although he has the average strength of a fit 40-something year old, his shape-shifting ability grants him the power to increase his mass and therefore deliver blows with more pounds of force behind them, effectively making himself stronger.

Winner: It’s a tough one, going right down to the wire, but the victor is going to have to be Mr. Fantastic. His ability to become stronger is just too much.

Violet vs The Invisible Woman

Violet Parr is the oldest child of the Incredible family. She has the power to turn invisible and also project force fields. Violet, despite having just figured out how to manipulate her powers is quite adept at it. While mostly playing a defensive game, Violet also knows how to use her powers for offensive purposes. Invisibility can’t really attack anyone, but she can sneak up on people while invisible and attack. Her force fields have a few properties that could really help in  fight: they deflect bullets, can act like a wall stop larger objects, they provide protection from very large explosions, and she can contain people inside them. Projecting the force fields can drain her energy and with enough impact, they can be weakened. The fields only remain active as long as Violet is concentrating on them.

Susan Storm, or The Invisible Woman, has the exact same powers as Violet. Notice a pattern?

For those of you who said "Space," well done. For those who said "None of the above," just... keep reading

For those of you who said “Space,” well done. For those who said “None of the above,” just… keep reading

She can turn invisible and project force fields. However, unlike Violet, she can throw her force fields so that they imitate bullets or large large rocks. Her force fields have about the same properties as Violet’s except they are invisible. They also sap the energy from her and only remain in form as long as she can concentrate on them. One thing that Sue has working against her is her fairly uselessness in most situations. Unlike Violet, who essentially signed up to fight, Sue prefers to not get involved in the action as evidenced by many different instances from the Fantastic Four series. She panics easily and is often in need of rescuing by one of her teammates.

Winner: Again, pretty close, but Violet’s gonna have to take this one. True, Sue, has more powerful fields, but Violet is much more used to a battle. Although just thinking about an all invisible battle using only force fields isn’t the most exciting prospect in the world.

Dash vs. The Human Torch

Dashiell Robert Parr. The kid’s name is “Dashiell”. Please. Just take a moment to appreciate that.

Anyway, Dash has the power of super speed. That and the annoying tendency to be a cocky little kid. He’s a reference on the DC superhero The Flash. His super speed allows him to run up to 190 mph without causing him pain or the friction catching anything on fire. This grants him the ability to run on water which is probably one my favorite scenes from The Incredibles along with the one where he and Violet run around in the force field hamster ball. Aw man, 10-year old me thought that was the coolest/funniest thing in the world. Ahem. Sorry. Where was I? Yes, the super-speed also gives Dash the power of enhanced reflexes, allowing him to dodge anything flying his way. Dash’s speed affects his entire body allowing him to land dozens of blows in the space of a few seconds. Imagine a hummingbird boxing. Dash’s weakness is the fact that he is, after all, only in elementary school.

Johnny Storm, or his much cooler name The Human Torch, got his powers from– you know what? I’m gonna skip that part. His powers include being able to combust into flames at will. This grants him the power of flight, the ability to shoot flames and control the temperature of his surroundings, resistance to heat, and an almost inexhaustible supply of fire-related jokes that makes him one of the most annoying tools in the superhero world.

If only he had worn his tinfoil hat. He wouldn't be so obnoxious.

If only he had worn his tinfoil hat. He wouldn’t be so obnoxious.

His body temperature can reach 780 degrees Fahrenheit, his firey missiles can reach 2,800 degrees Fahrenheit, and he can raise his surroundings to 100 degrees Fahrenheit. He can reach speeds of 140 mph when flying and carry 180 pounds. The Human Torch also has the ability to release all the energy in his body in the form of a huge explosion similar to a nuclear warhead in a diameter of 900 feet. This however, essentially knocks him out, making it an ineffective weapon when fighting a super-speedy 4th grader.

Winner: Dash. First of all, the kid can outrun Johnny and any fireball he sends his way. Secondly, if Dash were to run really fast around the Torch, he would deprive the Torch of oxygen, effectively putting out his fire.

So… wait. This is a tie? Well that’s no fun. I’m not gonna take the easy way out and say “They’re all winners!” No. Because I know the tie-breaker:

Pictued: YOUR DOOM

Pictued: YOUR DOOM

Ok. So if you were to throw Jack-Jack into either Mr. or Mrs. Incredible’s fights he could tip the scales. The kid can transform into fire, metal, and some monster thing. He is bulletproof because of his super-suit and the metal thing. Also he has laser vision and the ability to become intangible. As an added bonus: HE’S A BABY. No one on the Fantastic Four would hurt a baby. Especially The Thing; the guy’s a big softy.

So. Like all Disney movies, Disney heroes win. Fine. Only if Jack-Jack were to join in, otherwise it’d be a tie. I’m still calling it an Incredible Victory.

Next week it’ll be two masters of swordplay: Aragorn from Lord of the Rings and Link from the Legend of Zelda

 

My sources aren’t in-credible:

http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/The_Incredibles

http://marvel.wikia.com/Fantastic_Four_(Earth-616)

Disney’s The Incredibles

Fantastic Four comics

http://dinosaurs.findthedata.org/q/278/779/How-much-did-the-Triceratops-dinosaur-weigh

 

Paper 1 Ideas

The two commercials I have chosen are the “Old Spice fake Spray Tan Party commercial” and the “Anchorman 2 Dodge Durango Dancer commercial” and the links are found below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMOXL_2jXOQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YfpBbPDVZA

Old Spice:

This commercial is a wonderful bit of advertising because it starts with a fake advertisement for spray tans and then the real advertisement bursts in to smack some sense into the viewer. But the real advertisement is unable to do its work without the fake one. It relies on the fact that we already disapprove of the spray tan commercial. It uses an incredibly muscular spokesman who looks like a character from the Jersey Shore. He’s referring to people as “bro” or “chicks” and because of all this, the audience should begin to think he’s kind of a jerk or at least not that bright. Also, the entire commercial appears to have been made by a 9th grader in the 90’s, in the sense that there’s an unnecessary amount of effects in the commercial. All this points to the fact that we should be disdainful of this commercial. And yet, something about the energetic presentation is enticing. The Shore, like guy is offering you a way to be “better” by going to these “Spray Tan Parties”. So even though we laugh at this commercial, something in the back of our minds doesn’t completely rule out this option as a good idea. Then the “real” commercial starts. It starts with the usual Old Spice spokesman’s voice saying “Did you really just watch a commercial for Spray Tan Parties?” or something along those lines. He enters and begins his spiel. Aleady, the audience knows him and is relaxed by him. He’s a familiar face with a soothing voice and isn’t disgustingly muscular like the spray tan guy. His strategy is to tell you the error of your ways for sitting through the commercial as an opener. He uses a humorous chart to describe just how low the viewer has sunk through this viewing. Then the important part: he offers a choice. He says, “It’s not too late to change,” albeit repeatedly and it is pretty funny, but he offers the choice. Dealing with the future tense, saying “You can stay at rock bottom with these spray tans OR you can buy Old Spice”. We see just how well Old Spice can make our lives. We can be like the suave Old Spice guy, live in an immaculate mansion, the whole nine yards. In order to convince the audience; to argue with us, it presents a common enemy.

Dodge Durango:

The Anchorman 2 commercial uses a preconcieved notion of car commercials to sell its point, once again through humor. You hear Ron Burgundy’s voice saying words like, “elegance, form, passion,” and etc. and all the while we’re seeing shots of two ballet dancers doing a routine next to a car. This tactic is employed by advertisers world over; comparing an appliance or machine to something elegant or sleek in nature. So when we finally see Ron walking next to the SUV we all know he was describing we say, “Eh, nothing special,” but then Ron sees the dancer and becomes furious. He’s outraged that these dancers are interrupting his commercial and upstaging the car. It’s funny because of the character and the way that it makes fun of other car commercials. It mainly uses the ethos of Ron Burgundy to really sell the car, because as anyone who’s seen Anchorman knows, Ron Burgundy knows about the finer things in life. If he supports this SUV and considers it better than these dancers, who are we to disagree?

Malcolm Reynolds vs. Han Solo

SoloReynolds

I’m Mike “Shot First” Shanley and I aim to misbehave.

This week’s mashup will be a Clash of the Captains: Captain Malcolm Reynolds vs. Captain Han Solo

BACKGROUND CHECK:

Captain Malcolm Reynolds hails from Joss Whedon’s Firefly (which I suggest you all go watch right now) and is the series protagonist. He is the proud owner and pilot of the Firefly class transport ship Serenity. During the Unification War, Mal fought on the side of the Independents, or Browncoats, and moved to up through the ranks to Sergeant. Since then he bought his ship and formed a crew, with whom he has completed a series of odd-jobs ranging from cattle transport to hospital heists. This requires him to be skilled in sabotage, stealth, and strategy; all of which he has from his military background.

Captain Han Solo comes from a galaxy far, far away created by George Lucas. I am of course talking about Star Wars. Captain Solo won his ship, the Millenium Falcon, from his old friend Lando Calrissian. Known for making the Kessel Run in under 12 parasecs, Solo served mainly as a smuggler, running Imperial blockades to get otherwise contraband goods to planets that wanted them.

Right, you have to account for The Maw and-- look, it's bad enough I'm mashing these two together. Why is Boromir here?

Right, you have to account for The Maw and– look, it’s bad enough I’m mashing these two together. Why is Boromir here?

He then joined the Rebel Alliance after rescuing Princess Leia with Luke Skywalker. He was promoted to General and played a key role in the Galactic Civil War. Most of Han’s battle plans are fairly simple and usually involve charging forward. Unless someone else has explained that they have to be sneaky about something, Captain Solo prefers to rush in, guns blazing.

So… what we have here is a military man turned into swashbuckling rogue and a swashbuckling rogue turned military man. With just this information it really is a toss-up, although personally I’d prefer to follow a man who had military training into a tight situation. Besides, the Rebels made Solo a general instantly after the first battle with the Death Star in which he came in for the last 30 seconds to shoot the TIE Fighter that wasn’t Darth Vader’s. If that’s all it takes, I could probably make Grand General of All Things Rebellious in a month.

WEAPONRY:

Malcolm Reynold’s weapon of choice is his trusty Moses Brothers Self-Defense Engine Model B. This revolver-like gun features two special firing systems. A conventional hammer based firing system and a NEWTECH (the sci-fi technology of the universe) Gauss/Coilgun carriage. This carriage allows the user to carry multiple shots in a single case. However it does have one drawback: its weight. Mal has shown time and again, however that he has a quick draw (i.e. Serenity (pilot)) and the weight doesn’t seem to bother him. Not only is he fast but he’s accurate as well (i.e. Serenity (pilot), Serenity (movie)), able to shoot a man between the eyes from 15 feet away while walking and not breaking stride. One last thing: Mal is incredibly handy in a fistfight. Most fights that occur on Firefly eventually boil down to a fistfight. In fact, the final battle in Serenity (movie) is a fistfight between Mal and The Operative, a man who kills people by paralyzing them until the fall on his sword.

Basically he's Orpheus from The Matrix, but with a sword. And evil. Really evil. And he knows that.

Basically he’s Orpheus from The Matrix, but with a sword. And evil. Really evil. And he knows that.

And Mal beats this guy.

As an Empire avoiding smuggler, Han needs a gun that can stand up to the challenges his life poses. His DL-44 Heavy Blaster Pistol is perfect for his line of work. This gun was favored by most people who weren’t Empire because of its effectiveness against Stormtrooper armor. Mind you, Stormtrooper armor isn’t the flimsy bulletproof Kevlar we have today. This stuff protects the wearer from most blaster fire and can keep a person alive in a complete vacuum for a short period of time. Not only does this blaster pack a wallop, but it also can be charged to fire a bolt twice as wallop-y and not damage the gun. A dollop of wallop for your enemies. Han modified his blaster by removing the barrel sight so his quick-draw was even faster. Which, coincidentally, is more proof as to why Han shot first. But what I think is the coolest feature is that it vibrates whenever the gun has five shots left.

It was a long development process that started with the N64 Rumble Pak

It was a long development process that started with the N64 Rumble Pak

Han’s mano-a-mano skills are somewhat lacking. Since most of his enemies are Stormtroopers or Bounty Hunters dressed in laser-protecting armor, pugilistically going about fights would get him killed faster than Jabba eating a snack frog. That isn’t to say he’s pathetic when it comes to a fist fight, it’s just that he doesn’t get much practice.

So when it comes to firearms, Han has the edge over Mal, being that his weapon is simply stronger and more technologically advanced than Mal’s. I would have to say that Han is also a quicker draw than Mal, although Mal’s aim is steadier and more accurate. When it come’s to a brawl, it’s a no-brainer that Mal could brain Han. Easy.

RESULTS:

Malcolm Reynolds:

  • Strategic
  • Steady Aim
  • Military Training
  • Excellent brawler

Han Solo:

  • Quick Draw
  • Powerful Weapon
  • Conniving
  • Some Military Training

Here’s how I think the fight would go:

Han Solo and Malcolm Reynolds are staring each other down on some desert planet. The showdown theme from “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” plays as the two captains stare each other down. Without warning, Han draws his blaster and fires off a few shots. One hits Mal in the shoulder, but his gun is already out and he’s shot Han’s blaster out of his hand! Han scrambles for his blaster as Mal closes the distance between the two of them. Han dives for his gun and fires off another round. His aim is good and hits Mal in the leg. Han takes Mal’s now impaired walk as an advantage to charge his blaster. If he can get in one charged blast, Mal will be down for the count. Han starts backing up in order to gain time but Mal is soon upon him. He grabs Han’s gun hand in order to prevent him from firing off the charged blast and then uses his Moses Brothers Frontier Model B as a club. Han falls and Mal stands over him and levels his gun at Han Solo’s head.

"Mercy is the mark of a great man" [punches Han] "Guess I'm just a good man" [punches again] "Well, I'm alright"

“Mercy is the mark of a great man” [punches Han] “Guess I’m just a good man” [punches again] “Well, I’m alright”

Yes, it looks like in the end the scoundrel smuggler Solo was unable to stop the mischievous marksman Malcolm.

Passion Blog Ideas

Two ideas. One guy. My job here is done.

First Blog Idea: We live in a world where nerd culture is on the rise. Many people belong to the different “Fandoms” of today’s pop culture. It’s gone beyond Trekkies versus Ringers. Any sort of fantastical or science fictional story now has armies of devoted fans who would go to war with each other just to prove that their swashbuckling hero is far superior to those other people’s brooding one. What I intend to do is to put these theories to the test. Take two characters of different universes and genres, research them, analyze their strengths and weaknesses, decide who would win in some sort of fight, and then present this information in a humorous fashion.

Second Blog Idea: I love board games. When it comes to them, I’ve got a Monopoly. It’s a pity that so few people play them anymore, it’s not like it’s Taboo. So, I’m taking a Risk. It’s a careful Operation, but hey, that’s Life. Still don’t know what I’m gonna do? Need a Clue? Guess Who is going to review board games? Me! Yes, I’ll do that and offer good Stratego- er strategies on how to win. It may be a Trivial Pursuit, but if my strategies are as good as my puns, then it’ll be CandyLand.