Now a million questions are probably running through your mind because that’s everyone’s reaction. The first question I always get is, “really?” My answer is yes…why would I make that up? That question is always followed by, “do you know your real parents?” I’m telling you now, do not ask that question that way. I don’t take this personally because I know people don’t know better. Ask the person, “do you know who you’re biological parents are?” To answer the question, no I don’t. I was technically adopted before I was even born. The reason I find “do you know who your real parents are?” to be offensive is because my parents are the people who adopted me and have cared for me my entire life. They are real. They are my real, true parents. My biological parents are somewhere back in South Korea. To me, they are as real as my next door neighbors, but it doesn’t make them my parents in any way.
Anyway, the point of this blog is that I feel like a lot of people overlook adoption. There is this stigma attached to adoption that the children aren’t their ‘real’ child, meaning they don’t share the same DNA and blood. That’s such a small-minded thought and it blows my mind when I hear people who think that way. According to the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute, there are 400,540 children in the U.S. without permanent families, meaning they are in foster care. There are 115,000 of those children who are eligible for adoption, but almost 40% will wait over three years until they are adopted. Those are ridiculous statistics. There are so many couples out there who can’t have children for a variety of reasons, but they will still choose to not adopt. What turns people off about adoption? I seriously want to know.
From that same website, the U.S. State Department said in 2011 more than 9,000 children were adopted by U.S. families. Assuming those children each went to different families, that’s 9,000 families who just made a life-changing decision. That makes me happy to know not everyone rules out adoption. Just look at Angelina Jolie. In 2002, she adopted her first child. She now has three adopted children and three biological children.
For those who say parents won’t care for their adopted children as much as their biological children, you’re wrong. American Adoptions, an adoption agency, put close to misconceptions like that. Nearly 3 out of every 4 adopted children are read or sang to everyday from ages 0-5. Only half of biological children receive that same kind of attention from their biological parents. 90% of adoptive couples say their relationship with their adopted child is “very close” and nearly half say their relationship is “better than expected.”
After reading this Wall Street Journal article about 152 South Korean infants being abandoned in the first seven months of this year, I have realized I’m extremely fortunate. South Korea implemented a new law to reduce the number of South Korean children being adopted abroad and to make domestic adoptions a priority. All I can say is thank God I was adopted when I was because I may have ended up in foster care or even abandoned.
What is your opinion on the statistics I mentioned? Are you opposed to adoption because of some of those psychological factors? I can’t imagine living in South Korea and I certainly can’t imagine my life without my family. These are two of my older brothers. My parents adopted their first son, had two biological sons, then adopted me. Adoption isn’t for everyone, but you shouldn’t bash it when it changes people’s lives for the better.
I enjoyed reading this post a lot. I think adoption is a great thing. My little cousin was adopted from China and I could not imagine a world of not having her around. My aunt wanted children, but never could have them so that is when they decided to adopt. I already know that if I am not able to have children in my future, then I definitely want to adopt too. I may even adopt a few children. It is sad to think of all the children out there without parents to care for them. As stated in your blog adopted children are cared for just as much as biological ones. My cousin is very spoiled, everyone in the family loves to give everything and anything to her. She knows she is the princess. My aunt and uncle waited a while before they adopted. They both say they should have started adopting sooner so they could have many kids. I decided to research fears that people had that are associated with adopting. Below is a list of them.
http://afth.wordpress.com/2011/02/16/adoption-fear/
Sara, this is a really powerful post. I think the topic of adoption is somewhat of a hidden stigma that is VERY relevant to our society, especially in this day in age. I bet that there are very few people who read your post and don’t know someone else who is adopted too. What really stuck out to me, and I am glad you brought up is also the sub-stigma that families have to choose one or the other, adoption or biological. It’s truly sad that we live in a society that puts such harsh stigmas on a really great thing.
Thanks for sharing your story and speaking up!
I think it is really gutsy of you that you shared your life story here. Personally I am pro-adoption. Especially in the current world where families don’t last and divorce rates among couples are so high adoption might be one way to make couples feel responsible towards each other and their child. As you mentioned higher number of adopted kids are read to then biological kids. Now this statistics might be a bit skewed because our society is not very accepting of adoption. But it also points out that it makes parents responsible to their parental duties as they should be. Also in the current world with all kind of biological problems adoption is a boon both for the parents and for the child to have a chance at a better life.